The Of Nations and States Tournament Thread (with Commentary)

[Peanut]

So, after some thought, I've decided to post a certain set of literary works I've done over the past few years for the RP series known as Of Nations and States. These were inspired by the earlier CAA tournament threads, that caused me many laughs as I went through them and appreciated the hilarity of various well known members beating the tar out of each other. This along with a rather humorous scenario I dreamed up where the weakest character in the original RP beat the strongest character resulted in the first Of Nations tournament which was posted in Code D. Floss (our tavern of sorts). From then on out, I've done about one for each RP (excluding Valhalian Skies since it's barely started and seems to be doomed to an early demise from lack of interest) along with a third one which is actually for a weird transitory period between Of Nations 2.0 and Of Nations 3.0 where we started playing the first Of Nations again.

But I'm getting ahead of myself in this way too long introduction post. So let me return to more important things such as how I'm going to post these various tournaments. Since my main audience will likely be Kali, Pascal, Jaden Mental, and possibly Zarn, I've decided to include a creator's commentary (found at the end of each battle/part) detailing what I can remember from my creative process for those battles. On the off chance that someone whose completely unfamiliar with Of Nations and States starts to read this thread, I will also include any explanations of any in jokes and also post a character sheet, like the one below, before each tournament. Now that this has all been mentioned, I can actually start posting things pertaining to the first Of Nations and State Tournament. I'm basically just going to expand upon the very first post I made for this whole series of events since I'm to lazy to type the information in it all over again. Character info has been added underneath their first round battles.

Of Nations and States Tournament 1

Set up: Ahem...once upon a time...their was an emperor who one day got very board. He decided that the only way to solve his boredom was through bloodshed. But, seeing as how bloodshed isn't looked upon kindly by the Duckstopo...he decided to create a virtualish reality based off of the Super Smash Bros. fighting engine in which to hold this tournament. After this enviornment got set up...he invited all of his friends, enemies and other random people to enjoy the merciless competition which became ever known as THE FIRST EVER OF NATIONS AND STATES DUELING TOURNAMENT...oh, an by dueling he meant fighting...with weapons and other such items...here was the bracket...well...sort of...sadly the emperor did not have the 1337 bracket making skillz of Ingemar and well...yeah...the question is what bracket?

ROUND 1

Lord Kalvin vs. Rei Jurryoku(sp?)

Lord Kalvin: The Immortal Space Vampire started out as exactly that, an Immortal Space Vampire. He was also Kaligraphic's namesake character who had arisen in the earlier Goof Off Temuopolis stuff. However, by this point, Lord Kalvin had become the most powerful character in the entire RP, quite literally becoming the closest thing to God within Of Nations and States, even able to resist GM events that placed him in a pink frilly dress. Because of this, Kaligraphic had long since removed him from the playing field, turning him into almost an NPC overseeing all the occurrences on Earth and elsewhere.

Rei: Rei was created by Pascal after a duel in Goof Off between him and Zarn Ishtare's namesake characters that served as the prequel to the first Of Nations. Rei was basically Pascal, except younger...and more useless. Yes...Rei was by far the weakest character in the original Of Nations, getting kidnapped, sacrificed to resurrect a crazed computer/android (whose also in this tournament) and generally being punted around by everyone and their mother. He also seemed to be terrified of death, combat and anything remotely dangerous.

Puritan vs. PASCAL

Puritan: Puritan's namesake character managed to become the unquestioned leader of Temuopolis thanks to the departure of DaRabbidDuckie and various other individuals in leadership roles within Temuopolis. As a character, Puritan was a cyborg and known as the more sane scientist with a love for things that went boom. By this point, Temuopolis and Pacifica (Zarn's nation) had fused together to create the monolith known as the Imperium. Puritan and Zarn were also in complete opposition to Pascal, myself and Hakaii (though mostly Pascal). This was only fueled more by the tech rivalry between Puritan and Pascal that existed in the OOC realm. I mention this to give you an idea that Puritan (the character) didn't just hate PASCAL because he was an evil guy, the OOC conflicts were fueling this rivalry to a degree.

PASCAL: The computer used by the scientist Pascal. It's name stood for something (though I'm too lazy to check and see what...) and was, before the RP, a decent and normal, AI. Then the RP began, Rei was sacrificed, and PASCAL, the evil supercomputer android, was created who became the first (and best) villain in Of Nations and States.

Peanut vs. ???(in other words a mysterious fighter)

Peanut: The namesake character of yours truly. Peanut started out as a normal human, leading an army of Ninja Monkeys from the moon and transformed into a Leviathan possessed character with no nation to rule. However, in the tournament world, Peanut still leads the Ninja Monkey's and still has control over his moon base. Peanut still retained his powers from the RP and uses them frequently in these battles.

???: A mystery fighter who isn't that mysterious. Yeah...I know I said I would explain who these characters were but for the sake of keeping the one surprise in this tournament. I'll give a some background for this character when this battle occurs.

Zarn Ishtare vs. Hakaii

Zarn Ishtare: Zarn's namesake character who, like Lord Kalvin, is immortal. In fact, if you go by the RP, Zarn is probably the second most powerful character in this tournament. Known for his rashness (he led two charges into enemy territory at the head of his army), over the top romanticism (directly from Zarn himself), and the massive amount of retconning that was used to make him into what he became. He moved during the RP from being the leader of Pacifica to being one of the founders of the Imperium to creating a group of winged warriors called the Stormcrows. He, like Puritan, was not a fan of PASCAL and could be called a rival. Though the rivalry that really shows up in this tournament (and the third) is his rivalry with Peanut, who he originally fought in the Pacifican-Peanutter Butter war at the very beginning of Of Naitons. In truth, PASCAL-Zarn is the bigger rivalry...however, this hardly becomes the case within any of these tournaments.

Hakaii: The namesake character for Hakaii. He holds the honor of being the only character that doesn't pre-date the first Of Nations in this tournament. Hakaii was the leader of an army of reploids that allied with PASCAL. At their height, they conquered Greenland and Venus, which became their stronghold after PASCAL fell. Hakaii himself was your typical evil emporer, Pharaoh at the head of a robotic army bent on ruling the world. Along with PASCAL, Kali (kind of) and Corby, this would become a reality in quite possibly the most awesome (and controversial) moment in Of Nations and States history.

[Peanut]

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: WELCOME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN TO A NINJA MONKEY SPORTING BROADCAST FROM THE NOT SO SUNNY DARK SIDE OF THE MOON VIRTUAL COMBAT ARENA!!!

Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: Um…Ninja Monkey Announcer 1…

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: TODAY MARKS THE BEGINNING OF WHAT SHOULD BE AN AMAZING START TO AN AMAZING TOURNAMENT!!!

Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: Um…Ninja Monkey Announcer 1…

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: YES NINJA MONKEY ANNOUNCER 2!!!

Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: Why are you yelling?

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: BECAUSE, THAT’S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE AN ANNOUNCER AND THE CROUD IS THIS LOUD!!!

Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: But…there’s no crowd…

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: What?

Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: Didn’t you get the memo? No one could afford the tickets to fly on a shuttle up to the dark side of the moon because of inflated gas prices.

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: Then…does that mean no one is watching us?

Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: No…we supposedly have several million viewers via satellite and cable and a bunch of others who will be watching the fights on the Ninja Monkey Sport Network Internet site and even more who will just watch the bouts illegally on You Tube and other sites like it…

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: Oh…well anyway, on to our first fight! This should be an interesting one as tournament favorite Lord Kalvin Graphic takes on that Pacifican scientific menace who DESERVES TO BE SHOT FOR WHAT HE DID TO OUR SATE…*stops. Recollects himself and continues on* Rei Jurryoku.

*The screen switches to the virtual arena where a coliseum virtual environment pops up complete with a non-existent crowd. Suddenly a swarm of undead warriors and vampires flood the arena, scaring and devouring some of the virtual crowd members. From the shadows of the gate, Lord Kalvin emerges wrapped in cloaks of shadows. The undead hordes stop what they are doing and run in fear, only to be dragged back into the shadows by his awesome arcane powers. Dark flames suddenly erupt from the ground as the crowd begins to chant “Kalvin! Kalvin!â€

[Peanut]

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: GOOD EVENING FOLKS!!!

Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: Again with the yelling…

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: If last night was the upset of the tournament! Then this night should be the match of the tournament as PASCAL takes on Puritan in an action paked battle to the…

Lord Kalvin’s Head: *in a deep manly voice* DEATH!!!

Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: Where did you come from? And why are you decapitated? The battle took place in a virtual reality.

*Lord Kalvin shrugs his non-existant shoulders*

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: Ok…SECURITY!!!

Lord Kalvin: Wait! I could be you analyst?

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: Analyst?

Lord Kalvin: Sure, every great sports network has a few analysts who used to be competitors in the sport they are commentating on.

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1 and 2: Hmmm…

Lord Kalvin: Alright, I’ll throw in this banana too…*Lord Kalvin gestures towards a banana which has appeared out of no where*

Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: Ok but…

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: BANANA!!! *The Ninja Monkey Announcer pounces on the banana and begins to devour it*

Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: Let’s just get on with the battle.

*The Virtual Arena pops up. This time the stage is a random battlefield from the Peanutter-Pacifican War. Both Puritan and PASCAL Zero Shift in to the arena, a referee approaches them while PASCAL and Puritan stare each other down with a look of intensity on their faces.*

Referee: Ok, I want a nice clean fight. No hitting below the waist. No poking the other person. Enviormental hazards do exist in this…*Suddenly the referee is hit with a Mjollnir shell and is vaporized instantly, surprisingly neither PASCAL nor Puritan where hurt in the blast despite being only a few feet away from said referee*

PASCAL: I’m glad that’s over with…come now Puritan. The world is watching! Try not to disappoint them!

Puritan: *pounding one of his fists into his other hand* You have no clue how long I have waited for this!

*Puritan charges at PASCAL and engages him in insane hand to hand combat, both combatants throwing punches that just barely miss their opponent. Meanwhile, in the backround, the Pacifican and Peanutter-Butter armies clash almost in unison. It is a truly awe inspiring sight that actually brings a tear to Ninja Monkey Announcer 1’s eye…or maybe that was the banana…*

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: It’s soo…good…*sniff*

*Ok…it was the banana…*

PASCAL: *during combat* I am impressed. Though you are half human, you’ve managed to keep up with me when I am only using 60% of my strength.

Puritan: Really? I’m only using 10…

PASCAL: I see…well then…it’s time to kick it up a NOTCH! *PASCAL Zero shifts away into the distance as a line of Ninja Monkies surround him. They charge towards another line of Pacifican soilders located directly behind Puritan who open fire immediately. The Ninja Monkies begin to warp around the battlefield using the Ninja Puff of Smoke technique. PASCAL also adds to the smoke and chaos by casting Ultima in each place that Puritan Zero Shifts away from.* Impossible! How could a Cyborg be able to outmaneuver me?!*Puritan Zero Shifts in front of him*

Puritan: Because…I’m more then a Cyborg…*Puritan punches PASCAL in the face* I’m PURITAN!!!!

PASCAL: Oh…so now your name is in all caps too…well…I am truly offended…in fact, I’m suing…

Puritan: What?

PASCAL: That’s right…I have a copyright on all names that appear in all caps inside the RP…and you have just violated it!

Puritan: But…

PASCAL: No but’s! You’ll be hearing from my lawyer shortly…

Puritan: Wait a minute?! How come PEANUT is allowed to have his name in all caps…

PASCAL: Because, PEANUT’s name is a fancy acronym...

Puritan: An acronym? What does it stand for?

PASCAL: Pascal Eats puritAn’s braiN Under Tables…*suddenly, Pascal appears and eats Puritan’s brain under a conveniently located table*.

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: Oh…that has got to hurt…guess Puritan forgot the number one of the Peanutter-Pacifican War environmental hazard, Pascal the brain eater. Why are you looking at me so funny Ninja Monkey Announcer 2?

Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: Because, Pascal was dead when that war happened…so how could he eat people’s brai…

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: SHHHHH!!! *whispering loudly* It was a glitch in the program…for some reason…in that stage if you say Pascal Eats name of the person your facing’s brain under tables…he’ll appear and eat said opponent’s brain under a conveniently located table…

Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: Oh…wait…how did PASCAL know about that…

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: He used his internal browser to look it up on Game FAQs…

Lord Kalvin: Well, I have to say…that was some of the best brain eating I have seen in my entire life...and trust me, I would know.

Ninja Monkey Announcer 2: Is it because you are the Lord of Undeath?

Lord Kalvin: No…it’s because I was involved in that whole Corrupted Wish Thread incident…honestly the undead don’t like Brains that much…they say that fat goes straight to their thighs.

Ninja Monkey Announcer 1: Oh…who would of thunk it…Well that’s all for today…congratualations to PASCAL who will move on to face Rei *Rei screams something along the lines of “OH MY GOSH!! NOT HIM!! ANYONE BUT HIM!! HE’LL KILL ME, THEN BRING ME BACK TO LIFE AND KILL ME AGAIN!!!â€