Have This Dance

[Fish and Chips]

The director’s chair sagged, but remained comfortable even after all the abuse Clancy had invested into it. In the seven years since he’d stolen it from a vacant back lot and ran, the chair had been the closest thing to a companion he’d had in recent memory. Clancy liked furniture that reminded him strongly of himself, which he considered an important attribute in all of his home decoration, such as it could be passed off as; if the world could tell a man by his furniture, he believed, there would truly be fewer problems in it.

That he touted such an idea said more about his character than a coffee table ever could.

"Step with your right foot, then draw your left after it, then left and right.”

But when he wasn’t stealing used chairs and making philosophic excuses for increasingly bad metaphors, Clancy was the director of the dance department, some cosmic attempt to suggest he knew what culture was. Smoking wasn’t allowed in the building, for a myriad of reasons he couldn’t be bothered to remember except at the convenience of the tell-tale tap of the staff head’s expensive shoes approaching, and in close pursuit, the staff head himself. He didn’t have an ash tray, but his OUT box was strangely circular and hazy.

“No, in time with your partner. Watch your partner. Move with him.”

He extinguished his cigarette into the newspaper, which he usually left in the IN box, and stood up, straightening his neck. The students paused ominously. Clancy navigated around his desk, combing his hair with his fingers. “We’re not running a one man show here. This is your basic waltz. And when you waltz, you do it with a partner. And when I say ‘With,’ I mean it. That ‘With’ is crucial.” Clancy stepped back and leaned against his desk. The students continued their wayward dance. In the back, though…

“You two. Why aren’t you dancing?”

Clancy was a traditionalist. And the waltz was a dance between a boy and a girl, no excuses. So when the class roster had listed the same number of boy and girl students, he accepted it as a divine sign and the mood was set. He sauntered over towards the pair. “Scensen. Dance with the girl.”
“She’s not dancing.”
The immortal pause.
“…I can see that, Scensen. There is a feasibly painless way to rectify this situation.”
“No, I mean, she won’t dance.”
“You mean she won’t dance with you.”
“I traded with Scott, and he traded with Bruce. She wouldn’t take them either.”

The girl remained silent, a certain nervous seriousness apparent on her face. Her name was Rachel. Clancy hunched down next to her. “And what seems to be our dilemma, young lady?” Rachel said nothing. Clancy took note. He motioned at Scensen, drawing his thumb across his throat.
“But who am I going to dance with?”
“First rule of ballroom dancing, Scensen: real men cut in.”

That dealt with, Clancy returned to the girl. “So what’s the deal?”
“I can do it alone.”
“You can’t waltz alone. It’s against God’s teachings.”
“I can dance alone.”
“Rest of the year, fine, but today we’re dancing in pairs.”
“I,” Rachel stared determinedly at the floor. Her attitude told him she wasn’t someone used to embarrassment, and that half her nervousness was inherently because she was nervous. “They’re all looking at me.” It was a simple sentence, but sometimes, that's all people need. Clancy stood up, arching his back, and the two watched the class go through the motions for the next five minutes. Then...

"Alright people." All attention was his. "I'm feeling charitable today, so you can all have off for lunch early." A muffled cheer, dwarfed by the scuffling of shoes across the floorboards. The dim noon light filled the empty room. "But not you." Clancy extended his rolled up sleeve towards Rachel, arm attached. She moved towards him through a sea of tension. He took her hands in his. "You're alone now. Dance."
"I'm not comfortable."
"Nobody's looking at you."
"You are."
"Then I'll close my eyes. Dance."
Rachel shot him a very strange look, but his eyes were clasped shut. Warily, she took the first move, and he filled the gap. She moved again, and he matched her stride. It was a slow process, but the anxiety took its leave.

And she danced.

[Radical Dreamer]

I don't really have anything extra to say here than what I already said on your LJ, but I did forget to say that "Scensen" is a good name. XDD I'm curious as to how you came up with it. XD

Also, for a little bit more constructive crit., I think this sentence would sound better without the "and ran":

"In the seven years since he’d stolen it from a vacant back lot and ran, the chair had been the closest thing to a companion he’d had in recent memory."

"In the seven years since he’d stolen it from a vacant back lot, the chair had been the closest thing to a companion he’d had in recent memory."

I dunno. Something about it just seems to flow better. Maybe it's just me. XD

Again, great story! 8D

[Esoteric]

A very interesting scene. As usual, I like your writing 'voice' very much. The opening paragraphs which give us a brief summary of Clancy's character are great. But after I read it, there were two details which nagged me.
1. Would a dance director typically have their office also be their classroom? It seemed odd to me that he had a desk (particularly the type with an IN/OUT box) in the school's/studio's dance room. Then again, I've never been in a dance studio, so maybe it's common.
2. It seemed a little illogical for someone to sign up for a dance class and then not want to dance with/in front of anyone. Granted, the world is not a logical place, but I felt like I couldn't really grasp Rachel's motives. Perhaps if you found a way to develop her a little more...maybe have her say a little more to help flesh out her character, it might not feel so odd to me. Again, I'm no expert--maybe this sort of nervousness is common in dance classes. These were just my impressions.
Great pacing and narrative as always though.

[Fish and Chips]

1. Would a dance director typically have their office also be their classroom? It seemed odd to me that he had a desk (particularly the type with an IN/OUT box) in the school's/studio's dance room. Then again, I've never been in a dance studio, so maybe it's common.

That's just the kind of guy Clancy is. He would move his entire office into the studio for convenience.

2. It seemed a little illogical for someone to sign up for a dance class and then not want to dance with/in front of anyone. Granted, the world is not a logical place, but I felt like I couldn't really grasp Rachel's motives. Perhaps if you found a way to develop her a little more...maybe have her say a little more to help flesh out her character, it might not feel so odd to me. Again, I'm no expert--maybe this sort of nervousness is common in dance classes. These were just my impressions.
Great pacing and narrative as always though.

Critiquing my own work, this is a case where I think I started strong and slowly tapered off as the story progressed; which is weird, because I thought of the ending first. Rachel started as "Co-Heroine," then necessarily took second billing to Clancy. But to be brief, Rachel enjoys dancing, but feels awkward when dancing with somebody else; sort of like when you force a loner to work in a group. Her movements reflect her nervousness causing the students to stare, which only makes her more nervous.

[GeneD]

Wow, this is excellent. Good job.

Also, for a little bit more constructive crit., I think this sentence would sound better without the "and ran":

I agree, it does flow better without the "and ran".

[Esoteric]

[quote="Fish and Chips (post: 1204699)"]But to be brief, Rachel enjoys dancing, but feels awkward when dancing with somebody else]
Okay, see that makes perfect sense. I think all you would really need to do is strengthen Rachel's dialogue and her thoughts would read more clearly. I can totally see her trying to dismiss her own nervousness with excuses like the other guys have two left feet or no rhythm, are clumsy...whatever. Just needs a little more. Even so, I'm truly envious of your skill. Reminds me of how bad my own writing is...

[ShiroiHikari]

I'm bad at critiques, so I only have one thing to say. You definitely know how to write.

...Okay, two things. I also like your dialogue.

Is there going to be more of this, or is it just a tidbit?

[Fish and Chips]

Okay, see that makes perfect sense. I think all you would really need to do is strengthen Rachel's dialogue and her thoughts would read more clearly. I can totally see her trying to dismiss her own nervousness with excuses like the other guys have two left feet or no rhythm, are clumsy...whatever. Just needs a little more. Even so, I'm truly envious of your skill. Reminds me of how bad my own writing is...

Okay people, new rule: don't criticize your own writing. They'll be enough people talking about it already without you beating yourself up about it. If it's bad, just relax and enjoy the process of improving it.

I'm bad at critiques, so I only have one thing to say. You definitely know how to write.

...Okay, two things. I also like your dialogue.

Actually, thank you for this. I haven't had a lot of practice writing good dialogue, so it's useful to know I've got it down.

Is there going to be more of this, or is it just a tidbit?

I envisioned it as a stand alone piece, though if I feel there should be a second chapter, there will be.