My first 'real' try at writing. . .

[Matthew]

This is my first real try at writing a story. Yes I have put myself in it but I am not going to let it be one of 'those' mary sues...
Please note that I am writing this at a relexed rate so if theres a long wait please forgive me. Also, my gramer (I ment to do that...) is a little bad(and by bad I MEAN bad!) And one more thing, I am asking anyone who would like to be a part of the story to just send me a small bio(please, no over the top chars) that well help me a lot.
Well, here go's...



(Yet to be named)


When I was very young I saw a demon in my bedroom window. He tried to open it from the outside, I prayed to God for help and when I looked again he was gone. I thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me. That was ten years ago; my name is Matthew, I'm like any 16 year old, I like playing games and talking online with my friends and being part of my youth group... that is, until it all happened that day...
This is my story.


Part One: The Warning.


It was late; I had been talking with some new friends when I went offline.
I looked up at the clock. "2:37 am? Man, where'd the time go?" I wondered. "Time for bed."


I went to my room and got in bed.


The next thing I knew I was outside and it was dark. I got up and started looking around. Things were in ruins, street signs were on the ground, traffic lights were laying in the middle of the road, buildings were on fire; the air was thin, and I kept hearing gunfire. I kept walking, there were people laying on the ground bruised, skinny and without a trace of hope on their faces. I had been walking for a while when I tripped on something. I looked down and saw that I had fallen over a pile of trash. When I tried to get up I saw that I had my hand on a newspaper. I was shocked by what I read.


August 2nd 2006
Is this the end?
On August 1st 2006 the group known only as The Apocalyptic Army (AA) detonated a nuclear warhead in Jerusalem causing the entire continent to be wiped clean of life. Due to the massive EMP burst, radios and TVs have been taken offline. The radioactive dust has already covered most of the planet. By 2 am tonight the earth will be covered.
By next week, chances are you will be either dead or dying from the fall out.
The White house in California has given word to take shelter underground with your family as soon as possible and to stay away from the outside until the radioactive fallout has died down.
They also say to keep your radio near by in case they are able to make a broadcast.


What? This can't be! There's nothing left! Why?
I was starting to fell sick.


The fallout!


That's when I passed out.
When I came to it was dark . . .


Have I gone blind?
Then out of nowhere my eyes were flooded with white light, all I could see was a tall figure, he had long blonde hair, he had no wings that I could see but I was sure he had them, he looked so graceful.


"Am I dead?"


"No, you're still very alive."


"Then where am I? Are you God?"


"No, I am not the Lord our God. I am Michael, a messenger of our Lord! He has sent me to give you a message: The Second coming of God's only son is near and there is little time to be ready. Unfortunately, the fallen angel's 1000 years are already up and he plans to bring Armageddon to your world! He has also sent some of his fellow fallen angels to your world to gain a following for his evil ways.


"Unfortunately we are not allowed to 'directly' interfere with the ways of man. That is why you're here. You and a few others on your world have been chosen to combat these demons and keep them at bay until the day of the second coming. If you are to fail then death and despair is what awaits you."


"Wait, was that a dream?"


"In a way yes. It was God who showed you that. But if you are to fail, then that is what awaits you."


"But what can I do? I'm just some nerd that plays video games!"


"That matters not. All that matters is that you have been chosen because you believe in and love God with all your being."


"Ok... but how will I know what to do and when to do it?"


"You shall know when the time is right. Now goodbye, and keep your eyes and heart open!"


. . . I opened my eyes. I was back in my room, it was still dark . . .
As I looked around I saw that every thing was normal. What happened back there..? Wait, I remember, but... was that a dream? It seemed so real...

[Matthew]

Part Two: It Begins


It's been two weeks since that morning. I had taken it as just a dream. Never have I been more wrong...


I was talking online with my friend Jessica when it happened. She told me to turn on the news. This is what I heard...


"This just in, there has been report of a mass bombing across the United States.
They all appear to have happened this afternoon around 4:00 pm. Thankfully no one was harmed due to summer break. But this comes as a major blow to the school system; over half of the nation's schools have been wiped out. The ones responsible for this terrible attack are still unknown- wait, this just in.


"It is believed that all the bombings have been caused by... some of the students of their schools. The bombers used a method of self-destructing in key structural parts of the school (around two or three in each school). Wait, there has been more breaking news, it seems that five students have been taken in for questioning. This network will keep you up to date on any developments in this shocking case."


It can't be. That was just a dream... right? I got back on my computer and told Jess about what happened two weeks ago.


<What? No way!> Jess typed, inserting a shocked smilie, <The same thing happened to me that night. What could this mean?>


<I think it means it wasn't a dream... If we're friends and we both had the same dream . . .> I responded, <Hold on, let me check something...>


It turned out that all my friends that I had been talking online with had the same dream.


<You still there?> I asked, mind still in shock from the information I had discovered.


<Yeah, I'm here. What did you find out?>


<Know all the people we've been playing online games with?>


<Yeah, why?> Jess asked, this time adding a clueless looking smilie. She likes smilies.


<They all had the same dream too...>


<What does that mean?>


I gave it a few moments thought before typing, <I don't know... I think we all need to get together in person. Where do you live?>


<Warrenton Virginia, why?>


<I'll be there sometime this week, look for me at your library; I'll be the one with a jester's hat on my head.>


<Right, jester's hat, library, got it!>

[Matthew]

Part Three: The Journey


I had gotten out of the house ok. (Left a note saying I was with my dad in Virginia Beach) I had a backpack with three sets of cloths and as for cash I had 62 dollars and 37 cents, plus my bike.
I was making pretty good time... that is until the third day.
It was Thursday around noon and I was hungry (I hadn't eaten all day) so I decided to take a small break. I had stopped at one of those gas stations/restaurants (McDonald's- if you're one of those picky details types).
As I was about to leave I saw a bunch of teens gathered around something.
I got on my bike and went to see what was up... and I was horrified by what I saw.
They were all standing next to a small wolf-pup (she was like three weeks old) and taking turns kicking her. She was still alive but barely. That's when one of them spotted me.


"Hey, you! What are you looking at? You better beat it unless you want some trouble!"


I just left; as I turned I could see them still kicking the dog...


What the hell is wrong with me?! How can I just leave that poor thing? I won't leave it!
I made a sharp turn and started straight for the group, as I got close I jumped off the bike and watched as it went flying at the bastards, it had hit two of them, sending them flying, and for the other five, they tried to help up their friends and when they got up they were **** (and I mean ****!). Some picked up some sticks and the rest just started to attack me.
I tried to fight back; I even kicked one right in the mouth but there were too many.
That's when I took the pup in my arms and started running.
They ran after me cussing and throwing rocks at me, one even got me in the side of my face.
My vision was starting to fail me; I was bleeding and I was starting to pass out... no! Not yet! I won't stop until this pup is safe!
I don't know how far I ran and I don't know why nobody would help me but the last thing I do remember is that I was still running when I ran right into something hard. I fell back a little; when I got back up I saw that I ran right into the door of a car.
I started to bang on it when someone came out, in fact two teen girls. I begged them to take the pup and run but all they did was stand there, looking at me in disbelief...
That's when I lost my strength and fell to the ground, I looked up to see if the thugs where still following me but to my amazement five of them where on their backs and the two girls were running the other three jerks away.
That's when I passed out...

[Matthew]

Part Four: The Apocalyptic Army?


When I came to I found I was in the back seat of a car.
I still couldn't see that well but I did over hear someone talking.


"So, what are we going to do with sleeping wolf back there? We can't just take her with us, I mean, what if she goes wild?"


"Don't be so stupid! That kid saved this Pup!"


"Yeah, but... even still we can't take him with us! We still need to find Samus or whatever his real name is."


With that I came to with a jolt. How did they know my AIM name?


"What do you want with this Samus?" I managed to ask.


"Well it's about time you woke up! You've been out cold for 6 hours!" one of the girls berated me.


"Be nice, Relena! He got ganged up on trying to save the puppy!" the other girl admonished her.


"Fine. Whatever. Not that it's any of your concern, but Samus is a friend of ours."


"We've been looking for him since they attacked his hometown," the other girl added.


As you might imagine, I was shocked. "What? Harrisonburg? What happened? You have to tell me!"


"How do you know about Harrisonburg?" All three of the asked in unison, the car screeching to a halt as the driver slammed on the brakes.


"Answer us! Who are you?" Relena demanded, leaning over from the front seat to glare at me.


"I-I'm the one you've been looking for; I'm SamusGrifendore my real name is Matthew."


"No freaking way! How that possible?"


"Forget that for now! What happen at my home?!"


“You don't know? We had best step outside. The day after all the school bombings there was something on the Web, a group calling themselves The Apocalyptic Army made a live broadcast stating that the time had come for the world to pay for it's sins tenfold, right after they said that bombs went off all over the country, and near our homes as well."


"My Mom, Dad, everything, gone... you're wrong! It-it can't be! No, I won't accept that!"


"Matt," Relena said my name softly, voice much gentler than before. "We'll find them don't worry! But first we have to do what God has planned for us. That's why we came to get you."


"So, can you at least tell me your names?"


The man that had been driving spoke first, saying anything for only the second time.


"Sorry about that, we all know each other from the net, but my real name is Cameron. It's nice to meet you."(Cameron had dirty blonde hair, green eyes, he was very pale, and was wearing black pants with cross straps between the legs)


"And I'm Relena. I'm sorry for being so rude earlier."(She had curly black hair and violet eyes; she was wearing shorts and a t-shirt with a small vest on top)


"I'm Swyche! It's very nice to meet you!"(Short-tomboyish black hair with semi-short bangs and blue eyes; she was wearing a light blue skirt (down to her knees) and a blue t-shirt)


"Ok, well I'm Matthew but everyone calls me Matt."(I was wearing a pair of blue jeans-shorts and a tropical blue t-shirt)


"Well now that we all know each other can we get out of here?" Cameron asked, tone suggesting he wasn't looking for an answer.


"Yeah, you're right!" Relena agreed. "Everybody in the car now!"


Before all of us were in, I quietly caught Swyche while she was aside and asked her a question that had been on my mind. "Hey, Swyche, what's with her?"


"Shh, I'll tell you in the car, ok?"


We all got in without another word.


"So, what's all this hurry about?"


"Well, you know how that group calling themselves the AA attacked? Well right after all that happened she got word that her brother was one of the victims."


"Oh, man I'm sorry. No wonder she's upset."


"Yeah, that's why we came to get you: we all share something. We were all chosen by God for something very important."


“I know, that’s why I was heading up to find Jess… Wait! Have you heard anything from Jess?”

She looked down at the floor avoiding eye contact “No… The web’s been down since the attack”

A sudden rush of fear took me. “What if she’s . . .” <No! > “We have to find her…”

“What’s this”? Cameron asked with a slight sound of fear in his voice.

“What’s what?” Relena asked with a puzzled look on her face.

Cameron pointed up ahead. “Look up the road, it looks like a roadblock”

“Hey pull over before they see us ok?” suggested Swyche.

“Good idea, hang on…”

“Now what?” I asked.

“Hey, Matt go up there and see what’s up ok?” Relana said with a small smirk. “You’re the one that asked right?

“…Fine…”

I walked up the road slowly and as I got near the roadblock I could see a man holding a gun… I don’t know what made me go closer but when I did I heard some yelling.

“Get out of the car! You are all prisoners of the “apocalyptic army”!

"You have got to be kidding!" the man protested.


"Really? You think so?" The sound of several rounds being fired split the air. "Does that sound like I'm joking?"


"O-ok just don't kill me!"


"Heh heh, I'll think about it!"


I watched as they took the man to a large tent.


I then turned and went back to the car to tell the others.
When I got there I saw that the car was on fire and my friends were gone.

[Matthew]

Part Five: New Friends, Old Enemies


"Cameron! Relena! Swyche! Can you hear me!?! Please answer me! Relana? Cameron? Swyche?"


Just then I heard a noise from the side of the road. To my horror, it was another member of the AA.


"Look! There's another one! Get him!"


Three men holding M-16s ran at me.


"So, another one hmm? Take him to Charick."


"Yes sir!" The gunmen responded instantly.


One of the men walked up to me and hit me in the face with the end of the M-16.


When I awoke I was over one of the men's arm. They were both talking, unaware I was conscious.


"You think we got all of them?"


"Who knows, I just hope we can have some fun with them when they're done!"


"Heh, man you're sick!"


Right then there was a loud howl


"What's that? A wolf?"


"And how would I know? I don't think wolves live in these parts though."


"Yeah, you're right. Look, we're here."


We had come to a huge tent. The two men sat me down inside the tent and left. Now was my chance to get away! I began creeping out when a cold voice stopped me.


"I wouldn't do that if I were you!"


"What the? Who said that? Where are you?"


"Right here!"


A tall man walked out of the darkness and confronted me.


"Do you not remember me?" he asked. "No? Here, then maybe this will help."


He started to yell, his arms grew dark, and he started to grow wings.
. . .he was hideous, he had long burnt arms, he was like eight feet tall, his skin was all dark and scaly, and he had long dark greasy heir.


"Wh-what the hack are you?" I managed to stammer.


"You don't remember me? Heh, I'm hurt!"


"Wait... you're the thing in my window that night!"


"So, you DO remember me. That's good to hear."


"What are you? What have you done with my friends?"


"Don't worry," Charick chuckled, "they're not dead... yet! As for who I am, my name can't even be spoken in your primitive tong! You may call me Charick, I was sent by my master and lord Lucifer! He has ordered me to build him an army! An army of tomorrow, an army of teens! That is why you're here. You're being drafted into my lord's army!


"No! I won't! I won't help you!"


"Tsk tsk, then I'm left with no choice: I must kill you!"


He raised his left arm and shot out a huge fireball that I was barely able to dodge.


"Very good!" Charick hissed, his voice suggesting that he meant no such thing. "Not many live past that! Now try this!"


With that he raise both arms and the room started to come ablaze. The fire was upon me and it started to burn. He was about to hit me again when there was another howl


"What sort of trickery is this?"


Another and another, howls so loud they sounded like thunder.
Then it stopped. Out of nowhere a giant silver wolf jumped into the tent. The wolf ran into the flame and as she touched the fire it went out. Then the wolf walked over to me and started licking my burns and they begin to heal...


"Very good, so this is why my master wanted you all for all these years!"


As the demon said this, the wolf turned and faced him.


"You dare challenge me!?! You both shall die!"


The wolf just stood there and looked up at me, her eyes could tell me what she wanted... she wanted me to run! Just after I thought that, the wolf charged the demon and knocked him to his knees.


As I ran out the tent I stopped and yelled to the wolf, "Thank you!"


I don't know how long I had been running or how far, I just knew I was lost and I needed to help my friends. I just didn't know how. That's when I saw it, a small red speck in the distance. Fire! I walked as fast and quietly as I could. After about 15 minutes I was able to make out the shapes of men walking around a tent, I kept getting closer, trying my best not to get captured again. I was now so close I could hear voices.


"Dang it! I hate guard duty... two hours to the next shift change."


Now's my chance! I looked around and picked up a big rock. I then tiptoed to the guard. Poor guy didn't even see it coming!


"Relena, Cameron, Swyche, can you here me? Please answer me!"


"Hey, Matt?" Relena answered. "That you? Get us the heck out of here!"


"Ok, give me a sec."


I looked around and saw them all lying on their backs with their hands and legs tied.
I took out my pocketknife and slowly tried to set them free. One by one I cut them lose.


"Thanks, man, you have no idea how stiff lying on the ground can make you."


"No kidding. Hey, how did you find us anyway?"


"I don't think this is the best place to talk. We need to get out of here now!"


"First GOOD idea you've had!" Relena muttered.


"Wait!" Cameron stopped us. "We can't just leave all those people behind!"


"Don't worry we won't," I assured him, "but first we need a plan!"

[Matthew]

Part Six: The Sheep in Wolves Clothing


We ran for at least 30 minutes when we stopped. I told them all about how I got captured and about Charick and the wolf.

"So, the wolf just jumped Charick?" Cameron asked when my tale was finished. "Wow!"

"Forget that," Relena interrupted. "Right now we have to find a way to help those people back there!"

"Yeah, but how?" Swyche agreed. "We can't just walk right up there, we'll be shot!"

"We'll have to sneak up there and distract the guards," Cameron determined.

"Hmm. Ok, this is what we do," I decided. "Relena, you'll go up to the other side of the tent and make some noise; Swyche, you'll go with Relena and watch her back; Cameron you'll come with me and after the guards leave the tent we'll sneak in and bust them lose! Is that ok with you guys?"

"Why do we have to make the guards chase US again?" Relena groaned.

"Because you two can kick butt!"

"Oh, that makes sense to me!" Swyche giggled.

"Fine," Relena conceded. "You two just be careful ok?"

"You got it!" I agreed whole-heartedly.

With that decided we slowly went back to the tent at the roadblock
As soon as we got there the girls went around and the next thing I heard was the sound of gunshots and yelling

"Now's our chance! Let's go!"

We carefully went into the tent. There were people everywhere. I told Cameron to take the left side and I'd take the right. Every thing was going good, we had most of the people free and there was no sound of the guards.

"There! That's the last one!" Cameron told me.

"Cool! I've only got two more... Cameron?"

I looked over and saw him on his back, in front of him were three men aiming pistols at us.

"One move and you're both dead! Got it? Now you have to the count of ten to get up put your hands on your head and SLOWLY walk out of the tent! 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5- I said now! 4321 that's it! Your both dea---" He slumped to the ground.

"Sorry about that, Matt, they got away from us," Relena apologized from the mouth of the tent.

"Hey Cameron, you ok?" Swyche asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine thanks to you two!" Cameron told her.

"Well... err... yeah. We need to get out of here before more goons arrive!"

"Hey Cameron, I think that was her way of saying your welcome," I snickered to him.

"Err; we better catch up with the girls!" he told me.
Just then there was a glass-shattering scream. Cameron and me ran out to where the girls were. Relena was on her back and Swyche was trying to fend off two guards.

"Hold on!" Cameron barked. He picked up a huge rock and hit the man on the back of his head.

"I-is he... dead?" Swyche asked nervously.

"I didn't mean to! I had too, he was going to hurt them! Matt, you believe me, right?"

"You did what you thought was right," I assured him.

"Oww, my head!" Relena groaned, getting up and rubbing her head, "Matt, get away from that-that thing!"

"Why? He's dead now."

"That’s good. He was strong. It wasn't human!"

"How so?"

"I hit him with my best moves and they just bounced off! He was fast too!"

"M-matt!" Swyche interrupted, voice quavering, "He's moving!"

"What? He can't! It's not possible!"

"Shut up and be careful!" Relena advised harshly.

The man started to get up onto his feet. He then started to speak in a low, slime-like voice.

"You think you can stop meeee?! It's time to take your souls to my master!"

The man-thing started to chant something under his breath. His skin started to melt and his arms grow (much like Charick had).

"Come," he hissed, his void now dark and booming. "Let's us see if my master was right about you! Let's see how good your soul tastes!"

With that the demon jumped at the injured Relena only to be knocked back by Swyche's kick.
The demon spat at the girls and where it landed the earth started to come ablaze.

"You all shell join my master, even if it means taking you straight to hell!"

The foul demon started to raise his hands and out came three huge balls of flame. Cameron jumped and pushed the girls out of the way but one of the fireballs hit my left leg.

"Oww!" The gasp of pain escaped my lips. "Cameron! Take the girls and get out of here! I'll try to hold him back!"

"Are you some kind of idiot?! There's no way I'm leaving you hear with that-that THING!"

"Listen to me! You have to get away! You have to find Jess and get her to safety. Now go!"

"I don't think ANY of you are going anywhere!" The monster rumbled.

"I don't think you have a say in the matter! Now you three go! NOW!" I yelled.

"Be careful!" Cameron called.

With that Cameron took Relena to his back and (with Swyche's help) ran away out of site.

"You'll pay for this! I summon the power of the lord of darkness to aid in your DOOM!" The demonic creature roared. The demon started to fire blast after blast. I was able to dodge the first few, but there were too many. At last one hit me dead in the chest and sent me flying into a tree.

"Augh!" As I slumped to the ground, I was comforted by the fact that at least the others had gotten away. "At least you didn't get them," I said, with a high degree of satisfaction.

"Oh? Don't worry about them. They won't live much longer, that I can promise! Now, let's take you back to my master, he well be most pleased with me!"

I could not fight it anymore. My strength fled me and I passed out. As my eyes shut I could see pure white light...
Demon and wolf faced off over the body of the fallen boy.

"What? How?! My master should have killed you! So, you to have gotten away from my master? No matter, I shell bring you BOTH back to him!"

"No!" the wolf responded, speech escaping from its lips. "You will not harm this boy or any of his friends!"

"So, the beast can speak, can it?" the demon mocked. "Who are you and who is your master?"

"I am called many things but you will call me Eire. I have been asked by a friend to defend this boy and those he calls his friends! That means YOU well not harm him ANYMORE!"

"We well see," the demon said ominously.

The demon started to shoot more balls of flame at the wolf but she did not even try to dodge them, as the flames hit there was a huge explosion.

"So, is this all you can do? Pitiful!"

"Don’t be such a idiot!" Eire said as the smoke faded around her. "The likes of you will never defeat me! Now say goodbye to this world because I'm sending you back to hell!"

With that the wolf jumped at the demon and started to drive her fangs deep into his neck. After that she started to claw at his chest until he fell back, dead. The wolf then turned to me and started to lick my wounds and again they healed as fast as before.

"So, he's one of the chosen few? For all our sakes I hope the others are more able then this. Michael? So, have you been here long?"

"You're as alert as ever my old friend!" The angel said, floating from above. "But you're wrong about this one. He will play a bigger part than even I can see. Now, my friend, I need to ask you one more thing. I need you to go out and find the others and give them this massage: the time has come. We all need to gather together under God to prevail! Go out and gather as many followers of God as you can. The Day of Judgment is almost at hand, and this is our moment to prepare for the final battle! Have faith and be ready! Will you do this one last thing for me, Eire?"

"Very well, I shell give this message to those with the same smell as this one. Good bye, my old friend."

There was blast of light and with that she was gone.

[Razgriz]

Interesting story, I like the portrayal of Michael especially. However, not meaning to be over critical, it doesn't flow too well in some of the speeches of the characters. Great story nontheless.

[Matthew]

Thanks. I'm still working on it big time. Any ideas to help me impove? I really want this story to work.

[Razgriz]

>The Day of Judgment is almost at hand and we need to stand together and make a stand!

This part for example, you don't need "stand together" in there because you already have "make a stand." With the "we" out in front, it would be counted twice, so I guess it would be a context (or something like that)error as well.

So the final product would be: "The Day of Judgement is almost at hand, and we need to make a stand!"

Doesn't that sound better?

Reread your story to yourself or out loud, it does help catch a lot of the mistakes, it works for me. Hope that helps, and keep writing.

edit: One more thing, since your story is in "script" format, it's imperative that the words between the characters are smooth flowing, because since you aren't using any type of description (he ponders, she said, etc) the reader has to make up the tone of voice simply through context.

[Matthew]

Ok, thanks! I'll try in do better in the rest of the story.

[EireWolf]

I approve of the Wolf character!

[uc pseudonym]

Ah, I see you have this here as well. Well, good job in any case. And I really do intend to get working on the rest of what you've posted over there.

How interested are you really in making this work? My editorial skills are at least existant, and I could be of some help, if you'd like me to (and by this I mean more than just grammar and punctuation).

[Matthew]

Really? I would be most thankful for any and all help. Iwant this thing to go good becuse i'm doing it for a loved one (Well God too) so thanks!

[uc pseudonym]

I'll give it a shot. I'm going to copy paste this to file and give it a look over. When I'm done, I'll send it to you.

[Matthew]

Ok, thanks!

[Mimichan]

Hey Matthew^_^

I just wanted to let you know I like your story. Sorry I can't think of anything profound to say right now, but I really did like it. ^_^

[purplemoose]

pretty good story line if i were a non believer it would still sound pretty interesting like sangoku pointed out there are a few errors probably but good altogether i would help but i can't draw well and you have the storyline pretty much together good job!

[purplemoose]

you have writing skills you left me on the edge of my seat!!!

[uc pseudonym]

Cool, eh? Just wait till I appear. Not to rush, you, Matt, I understand your life has been... complicated, but just you wait.

[Matthew]

Sorry for the long wait. I've started working on this story again so it's next part will be up soon! (I hope)

Oh, on a side note. You may have noticed that the story has been given a HUGE overhaul at the attempt to make it more reader friendly by a Ucpseudonym. Mr. Ucpseudonym asked me a little while back if he could look it over. I said yes. Best move that ever happen to this story. Thank you Ucpseudonym for a job very well done! And yes, Uc's charator and a few others will be comeing into the story soon!

Oh, and if your wanting to know why I'm being so formal it's because my story is very important to me and it's been made even better.

[Gala]

I think your story is great!

[true_noir_chloe]

Great action! I like your wolf, Eire, reminds me of someone.
All the problems with the flow have already been remarked on and I look forward to the improvements. Also, when you write a fast-paced novel it's best to dole out the injuries throughout the story so that it doesn't seem excessive - Matthew got knocked out at least three times. He's gonna have brain damage by the time you're done with the book.

Everyone is rough when they first start writing. Good overall.

[mechana2015]

Thanks for using my B-day as the starting date of Armageddon...

keep it up and keep having people look over it for grammer and what not... It sounds like a creative storyline, with some good variation on the end of the world theme, and a fun bit with adding CAA people into the story... have fun writing!

[Matthew]

Thanks for using my B-day as the starting date of Armageddon...

Oh, your welcome! (:-P
Thanks for your support, I've started part two if your interested.