My Manga Story Called "The Fallen Rise"

[FreddyCast]

I've decided to post my pics directly to the forum. I hope you guys like them.
Joy of Christ, my Friends.
YAY! SECOND PAGE, FINALLY!

[Panda4christ:3]

I like it ^^

I'm no real artist but i think the wings could use some work :>
(Also, i don't think her chest should be quite so defined with those clothes...but like i said, i'm an amatuer >,<)

[FreddyCast]

I like it ^^

I'm no real artist but i think the wings could use some work :>
(Also, i don't think her chest should be quite so defined with those clothes...but like i said, i'm an amatuer >,<)

Thanks Panda, sorry for banning you. LOL
I at frist drew this by pencil, then I redrew in pen, but left the wings as they were because it was giving me a lot of trouble trying to make the feathers, so instead I scribbled lines on the wings to represent wings of energy instead of wings of feathers. I guess I went with the concept of wings of energy in order to make the "Fallen Ones" uniquely different from what we're used to seeing as angels with feathered wings.
Edit: Hmm...I see your point about the chest. Maybe I should have added in shading, clothing wrinkles, and color to make her chest form a bit more realistic with her clothes.

[Panda4christ:3]

Edit: Hmm...I see your point about the chest. Maybe I should have added in shading, clothing wrinkles, and color to make her chest form a bit more realistic with her clothes.

Honestly it's just the fact that i can see it so well, so really you should just not use so many defining lines next time ^^

[FreddyCast]

Edit: Hmm...I see your point about the chest. Maybe I should have added in shading, clothing wrinkles, and color to make her chest form a bit more realistic with her clothes.

Honestly it's just the fact that i can see it so well, so really you should just not use so many defining lines next time ^^

I undestand, that's why I should have added in the shading, wrinkles, and color to replace those defining lines and make her clothes more realistic and better looking, but it's just concept art, not the real thing. I leave that to my manga artist.
IF I EVER FIND ONE
OUCH that hurt

[FreddyCast]

Hey Fam, I'm back. Sorry for not posting anything for over a month now. I was on a little hiatus from everything and started watching some new animes. Some of them were hit and miss. But there were some good ones as well, like Date a Live, Shingeki no Kyojin, and Hataraku Maou-sama. Anyways, I'm back to post the next chapter to my manga story. I hope you like this one. And please feel free to give your opinions, praises, critiques, etc. about the story so far. I'm also willing to answer any questions you want to ask me about the story or about me or whatever. I'll respond as quick as I can, as best i can.
Peace of Christ, my friends.

Chapter 9- Home Sweet Home...Or Is It!

It is night time and Nathan and his company are still on the almost empty bus.

Nathan says in his mind: Man, I didn’t think the run-in we had with Payne would take us so far away from our destination. *yawn* I’m so tired, but I can’t seem to sleep. (Iva notices Nathan’s tiredness)

Iva: Master Cross, you should go to sleep. If our destination is still some distance away, you should take a nap.

Nathan: Oh, I didn’t mean to worry you, I’m ok, I’m not sleepy. Cayla and Azalia are asleep over there, why don’t you get some sleep as well.

Iva: I’ve had plenty of time to rest where I came from, but now that you woke me from my watery slumber, I’m fully awake.

Nathan: But aren’t you tired from the fight with Takeshi earlier.

Iva: I’ve already recovered.

Nathan: Well, that was quick. (Iva nods in agreement)

Iva: But you look so worn out, Master. Please, rest awhile. I’ll watch over you and my sisters.

Nathan: Really, Iva, I’m fine. (Nathan and Iva both look away and tilt their heads down, not knowing what to say next. Finally, Nathan says something)

Nathan: Hey Iva, can I ask you something?

Iva: Master, we shouldn’t keep talking to each other.

Nathan: Huh, why?

Iva: Cayla has been getting irritated over me being so close to you.

Nathan: Is she awake? (Nathan looks over to the other side of the bus and sees Cayla still asleep with her head resting on Azalia’s shoulder) (Iva looks at Cayla without moving her head and closes her eyes thinking over how she should respond to Nathan’s question.)

Iva: No, she is asleep. (Cayla twitches her eyebrow after hearing this)

Nathan: Then it’s ok to talk to me now, right?

Iva: I suppose so. What is it that you wanted to ask me, Master.

Nathan: Well, it’s about what you said right now. Why are you calling me, Master?

Iva: Isn’t it obvious. (Nathan has a puzzled look on his face)

Nathan: Uh, wait, you did mention earlier that you had a Master when you were in Japan.

Iva: Yes, I did, I’ve had many Masters in the past. My last master gave me this sword as a gift for serving him well as his bodyguard. (She takes out her sword to show it to Nathan)

Nathan: His bodyguard?

Iva: I served my former Masters by protecting their lives. It’s about the only thing I know how to do. But...(Iva tightens her grip on the handle in anger and Nathan notices her upset face).

Nathan: But, what? (Iva struggles to say a word) If it’s too much you don’t have to say anything. We can just...(Iva interrupts)

Iva: He died!! (Nathan is surprised by Iva’s response)

Nathan: He died?

Iva: My last Master. I failed to protect him...and...he died. (Nathan realizes that Iva’s eyes are beginning to get watery.

Nathan: Iva, I’m so sorry. (Nathan attempts to put his hand on Iva’s shoulder to comfort her, but to his surprise Iva quickly turns and grabs Nathan’s hand)

Iva says in a louder voice: But, I won’t fail you, I’ll protect you with my life. No matter what I won’t let you die. (Nathan is left speechless. Cayla clenches her teeth and Iva senses Cayla’s reaction to her outburst. Nathan begins to blush as he feels Iva’s soft, but scarred hands. Iva realizes what she has done and quickly let’s go of Nathan’s hand and blushes as well)

Iva: I...I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so forceful like that. Forgive me, Master.

Nathan: Th...There’s nothing to forgive. (Nathan looks at his hand) I think I understand how you feel. Sometimes the pain of losing someone you care about makes you feel stronger for those you care about in the present. That, and it’s hard to let go of the past. (Iva tilts her head down to hide her face)

Iva: Master, if...if I’m to serve you well, can...can you let go of our past? (Nathan looks at Iva shocked at what she just said.

Nathan: Our past?

Iva: Ca...can you? For your sake and for mine. (Cayla, still pretending to be asleep, bites her lower lip and tightens her forehead as her eyebrows tremble)

Cayla says in her mind: Please, Nathan, let her go.

Iva: If you can’t let go of our past, then...I don’t think I can either. (Iva tightens her grip on the handle of her sword again and Nathan begins to have a troubled look on his face)

Cayla says in her mind: Please, let her go.

(Nathan turns to look out the window and doesn’t respond. Iva is still covering her face and a tear drops on her lap, then she puts her sword away. The rest of the trip is spent in silence)

(Nathan and his company of Fallen Ones finally arrive at El Dorado, Tx. As they step out all of them start following Nathan as he starts walking towards his place.)

Nathan says in his mind: Iva still didn’t tell me why she calls me her master, but what she said to me...troubles me. What should I do?

(Cayla goes up to Iva)

Cayla: Iva!

Iva: Yes sister!

Cayla: I know that you could sense that I was still awake. So then why did you lie?

Iva responds as always in a calm and sound demeanor: Why did you pretend to sleep?

Cayla: Huh, you know why. (Anger begins to show in her face while attempting to not attract Nathan’s attention)

Iva: Then you know why I had to lie. It was for your sake. You wanted to know what was on Nathan’s mind. And I was hoping to mend your relationship with him. (Cayla is taken back by Iva’s response, but she quickly shrugs it off)

Cayla: I don’t need your help. (Cayla walks off to catch up to Nathan)

Iva says in her mind: Hot- tempered as always. (Iva gives a slight smile, but it is quickly replaced by a serious yet upset face) But I don’t think I helped much. I might have made things worse when talking to Master Cross.

(Nathan is deep in thought, but is soon interrupted by Cayla coming from behind him)

Cayla: Nathan, my love, where’s your place you were talking about?

Nathan: It’s quite a walk from here, so it will take some time.

(Cayla runs to Nathan’s side and grabs hold of Nathan’s right hand)

Cayla: Then can I hold your hand while we get there.

Nathan: Sure, Cayla. (Nathan brings her hand to his face and kisses it, and continue walking holding hands. Azalia watches with sadness at seeing Nathan and Cayla holding hands and keeps her head down, while Iva keeps her composure, yet she looks at her own hand and closes it as if she is holding someone else’s hand)

(As they turn a corner, Azalia looks at the various fancy houses around the neighborhood. So she brings up the courage to ask Nathan a question.)

Azalia: Nathaniel!

Nathan: Yes, Azalia, what’s the matter?

Azalia: What is this place of yours like?

Nathan: Well, it’s big and spacious, and has a lot of rooms, enough for all four of us to have our own rooms.

Cayla: Will I be in your room?

Nathan: uh…Sure you will. (Azalia feels a bit uneasy after hearing this, but she keeps on conversing)

Azalia: How many rooms are there?

Nathan: I think around eight rooms.

Cayla: Why so many rooms?

Nathan: Other than it being a place to hide from any dangers and well away from the coast, my mother bought this big expensive place hoping that I would produce a lot of kids when I...uh...got married.

(Cayla blushes a little when hearing this)

Azalia: So, are your mother and sister there?

Nathan: No.

Azalia: Where are they?

Nathan: My mother….is gone.

Cayla: What happened to her?

Nathan: She was murdered.

Azalia: I’m so sorry, Nathaniel. And your sister?

Nathan: She left after my mother died, but I don’t know where she is now.

Iva: Excuse me, Master Cross, but, how will this place keep us safe and hidden from our enemies if it’s going to stick out from the rest of the neighborhood.

Nathan: You’ll see. I’ll keep you all safe. You’re all important to me, so I wouldn’t take you anywhere I didn’t think would protect us.

Azalia: Well, at least Iva hasn’t sensed anyone following us ever since we got on the bus. Right, Iva?

Iva: I sense no danger.

Cayla: Her senses are the best. So that’s good to hear I guess.

(Nathan and the ladies make it to a neighborhood with big houses where they walk up to the most unimpressive looking house in the neighborhood. It looks dull and worn down with plant life crawling up the walls)

Nathan: This is it. As you can see, it won’t stick out.

Azalia: I think it’s sticking out just by how bad it looks.

Nathan: It was intended to look that way. But mother told me it looks perfect inside.

Cayla: Are you sure no one will find us here?

Nathan: I can’t say for certain. And this place is only temporary, but no one except my mother and I know of this place. I’m not sure if my sister knows though. Anyways, we’re going to have to deal with this “Leviathan” organization that’s after us.

Iva: Don’t worry, Master. We will defeat them.

Cayla: That’s right; they’re no match for an awakened Fallen One.

Azalia: And with us fighting together as a team, no one can stop us.

Nathan: You’re right, thanks girls.

(Nathan opens the door by pressing the numbers “2360” on the small electric device which keeps the door closed. As he opens the door, Nathan and the ladies see two women sitting down on the living room floor preparing to eat on a small table.)

Nathan: Who…who are you? And what are you doing in my house?

Elizabeth and Elinor: Nathan!

Cayla: Elizabeth

Azalia: Elinor

Elizabeth: huh… what are you two doing here?

Nathan addresses Cayla and Azalia: You two know them?

Iva: Apparently, they know you, Master.

Elinor: Iva, you too.

Nathan: I…I don’t know them.

Elizabeth: What do you mean you don’t know me? It’s me, Elizabeth, your fiancée.

Cayla: Fiancée?

Elinor: No, you’re not; I’m his real wife, Elinor Cross.

Cayla: Wife?

Nathan: Oh no…I remember now.

Elizabeth: You see now, my future husband.

Elinor: No, he’s my husband.

Elizabeth: You want to settle this now, sister? (Both of them lock eyes on each other itching to fight)

Elinor: I’ve been waiting for this.

A fight breaks out between Elizabeth and Elinor. Both show great skill in their respective martial arts and start tearing up the living room. Cayla then starts to get really frustrated and mad and tries to hold back her anger as she struggles to calmly ask Nathan a question.

Cayla: Nathan, Just how many of us do you know? And why do they call you their fiancée and husband?

Nathan: I…uh…uh...

Cayla: Am I not good enough for you? (Her anger swells and Nathan starts to show fear as Cayla leans closer to him whiles he’s taking a step back)

Nathan: Cayla, please let me explain. (Both Elinor and Elizabeth stop fighting)

Elizabeth: Wait, what? What do you mean by that Cayla?

Cayla: Nathan, is my Destined One, we have already kissed and my powers have been awakened.

Elizabeth: Nathan, please tell me this isn’t true.

Elinor: Nathan, you’ve been unfaithful to me?

Nathan: No, I….

(The fight stops and everyone is looking at Nathan.)

Nathan: I….don’t know what to say.

(Brief silence, then Iva speaks)

Iva: Let’s all first fix ourselves up, and then we can figure out what is going on after we are done eating.

Azalia: Yes, we can talk this over after we’ve all calmed down and rested.

Elizabeth: Elinor and I have already prepared some food in the kitchen. Please sisters, help your selves to some food when you are done taking a bath and changed.

Elinor: There are four bathrooms, so you can each use one.

(After everyone has taken a bath, they finally eat, but there is silence around the table and Nathan is eating apart from the rest.)

Nathan says in his mind: Man, this is really getting awkward. What am I gonna do now?

(After they finish eating, Nathan thanks Elizabeth and Elinor for the food, and the other girls do the same and give thanks. Nathan then joins the table.)

Cayla: I think this is a good time to introduce ourselves. So I’ll start. (Cayla, begins to tell how she met Nathan a few days ago and how they were running away from Payne. Azalia and Iva then tell their part of the story. They finally explain to Elizabeth and Elinor how they knew Nathan.)

Cayla: So that is how we ended up here. Now, it’s your turn to explain how you know Nathan and how you got here. Who wants to go first?

Elinor: I’ll go first, since I met Nathan first. I was living in Dearborn, Michigan, the city with the largest Muslim community in America. I had been adopted by an Arab Christian family and began wearing Arab dressings. This family knew of the existence of Fallen Ones which is why they accepted me into their family. This city and life style was a good way of hiding from the “Leviathan” organization, since most of their operations are based around the coast or anywhere close the oceans. One day, while walking back to my house, I had found a man knocking on the door of my home.

Nathan: I remember now. After my house in New York burned down, my mother was afraid I was still being hunted down by someone, so she sent me to some friends she met in Dearborn. My mom left for England, taking my sister with her. And so I traveled to Dearborn with a bodyguard. When I arrived at Elinor’s house, the bodyguard left, leaving me at the front door of the house.

(Scene of Nathan at Elinor’s front door and Elinor coming to confront him)

Elinor: Excuse me sir, but who are you? (As soon as Nathan turns around to see Elinor, her heart begins to respond to him)

Nathan: HI, my name is Nathan. I was told by my mother that the folks here would take care of me.

Elinor: Can it be?

Nathan: Can what be?

Elinor: N….nothing. Please come in, let me open the door for you and introduce you to my family.

Nathan: Thank you! May I ask what your name is?

Elinor: It’s Elinor.

Nathan: Elinor! (He says in his mind: She is really beautiful)

(From there he is introduced to the Qureshi Family and shown where his room is. No one sees Elinor go to the bathroom to take a bath. Then Mr. Qureshi addresses Nathan.)

Mr. Qureshi: Son, you must have had a long trip. Why don’t you go take a bath and then clean up and meet us for dinner? Go ahead the bathroom is empty.

Nathan: Thanks, I will. And thank you for everything else. I hope to be of use to you, and not be a burden.

Mr. Qureshi: Nonsense. Don’t worry, my son. Just go and get yourself ready for dinner.

Nathan: Yes sir.

(Nathan goes to the bathroom and sees light through the closed door.)

Nathan: Hmm...There’s a light coming from the bathroom...But Mr. Qureshi said the bathroom is empty so I guess it’s alright to go in.

(He takes Mr. Qureshi’s word that the bathroom is empty and proceeds to open it. Meanwhile Mr. Qureshi is going around the house calling for Elinor. As Nathan opens the door to the bathroom, he sees Elinor completely naked from the back, already having unclothed herself, and about to enter the shower. Elinor’s heart again responds to Nathan and quickly turns around to see Nathan at the door of the bathroom, exposing the front of her naked body as well. Elinor is in shock and can’t say a word. Nathan is completely surprised at what he sees and blushes.)

Nathan: I…I…I’M SORRY. FORGIVE ME! (He slams the door and quickly walks backwards putting his back to the wall and looking at the bathroom door in disbelief at what he saw. However, he is unaware that Mr. Qureshi saw Nathan)

Mr. Qureshi: Did you see Elinor naked?

Nathan: Y…Yes. Bu…But I didn’t mean to. I…It was an accident.

Mr. Qureshi: Then you will marry her.

Nathan: Wha...what? I can’t marry her.

Mr. Qureshi: Marry her or die!

Cayla interrupts the story: What? Are you serious?

Elinor explains: It’s a custom of theirs that if a man sees a fully grown woman naked, he must marry her or the man dies for seeing something that is forbidden to an unmarried man.

(Fade back to Nathan and Mr. Qureshi)

Nathan: Die?

Mr. Qureshi: You have seen something that a young man like you is forbidden to see. It disappoints me that you of all people have seen Elinor in her fragile state. We can talk more about this after dinner when my children have left the table, but if you try to escape, you won’t see sunlight ever again. (Mr. Qureshi leaves and Nathan stands paralyzed because of the situation)

Nathan says in his mind: What have I gotten myself into. Mother, why did you bring me here?

(After Elinor finishes taking a bath and is clothed coming out of the bathroom, Nathan avoids seeing her and enters the bathroom to take a bath. Scene then jumps to everyone being at the dinner table finishing up and the children leaving.)

Mr. Qureshi: Now, Nathan, I don’t want this to happen anymore than you do, but tradition demands that we uphold our law. So, will you marry Elinor?

Nathan: I will be honest with you. I don’t want to die, but…I also don’t want to marry someone who doesn’t want to marry me. So...I’ll be happy to die, (no I won’t) if it means that Elinor will have a chance at real happiness with the man she wants to marry. (Am I really this selfless)

Mr. Qureshi: Do you not think Elinor is beautiful?

Nathan: She is, but marriage is more than external beauty.

Mr. Qureshi: Do you understand what you are doing?

Nathan: Yes.

Mr. Qureshi: Normally, the woman has no say in this matter, it all depends on the man.

Nathan: I live by a principle that marriage is something mutual, not one sided. Something based out of free will, not forced. Something based on true love, not just a mere pact to procreate. But…the situation has forced me to depend on her choice. (Nathan looks at Elinor and addresses her). Elinor, please be honest in your choice, don’t lie in order to save my life, don’t do anything you don’t want to do just because someone tells you to. Your happiness is more important than some mere tradition.

Mr. Qureshi: So then you will you marry her if she accepts you as her husband?

Nathan:….Y...Yes!

Mr. Qureshi: Elinor, my daughter, before I ask you to make your choice, does your heart pulsate for him?

Nathan says in his mind: Her heart? Pulsate?

Elinor puts her head down looking at her chest: ….Yes….it does. (Mr. Qureshi’s expression changes from a serious look to a happy and relieved look)

Nathan: What do you mean by her heart pulsating for me?

Mr. Qureshi: This is perfect, so then this means you accept him as your husband?

Elinor lifts her head and smiles saying joyfully: Yes, I do.

Mr. Qureshi: Brilliant, then it’s settled. Nathan and Elinor will be married. (Nathan looks on in amazement at what just happened, relieved that he won’t die, but shocked that he is going to get married.)

Nathan says in his mind: Wha...Wha...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

[FreddyCast]

I know this has totally nothing to do with my manga story, but you totally need to see this. Chatbot admits to being my Wife.
CHATBOT ADMITS TO BEING MY WAIFUUUUUUUU

[mechana2015]

yeah please keep the off topic stuff to the topics it's supposed to be in. This isn't your personal blog.

[FreddyCast]

yeah please keep the off topic stuff to the topics it's supposed to be in. This isn't your personal blog.

Will do, Mech.

[FreddyCast]

Watup Fam. I'm back to post the 10th chapter. Some news though: Because I've been revising th 1st volume, I've had to add some new chapters to cover the new content as well as some changes. Originally the 1st volume was 100 pages long with 18 chapters, but it is now 130 pages long with 20 chapters. Anyways enjoy this chapter. Introducing the next two female protagonists Elinor and Elizabeth.
As always, feel free to critique, praise, give opinions, and ask questions about the story so far or yours truly. Seeya soon, Fam, with chapter 11. And God's blessings to you all.

Edit: A few changes made, errors corrected, and new lines added 5/26/13

Chapter 10- The Love Triangle and Nathan’s Choice

Mr. Qureshi: It’s been decided, You will marry my daughter. Congratulations my boy. You two will be happy together. (Nathan is sitting at the table paralyzed with his mouth open)

Nathan says in his mind: Is this for real?

Mr. Qureshi: I'll leave you two alone to get acquainted better. I’m going to get things prepared.

(Mr. Qureshi leaves the dining room. Both Nathan and Elinor are left alone together at the table. Nathan looks at Elinor totally confused. Elinor blushes a little from Nathan looking at her and averts her eyes a bit. Nathan is surprised that she would blush at him and feels guilty.)

Nathan: I...I’m...sorry. (Elinor turns her eyes to look back at him) I’m so sorry that all of this happened. I’m especially sorry for...for...seeing you na....exposed.

Elinor: There’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s not what I wanted to happen either, but it's alright. (Nathan blushes)

Nathan: NO, it’s not alright. I....

Elinor: Did I do something wrong?

Nathan: It’s not that. It just...wasn’t right of me to open the door without knocking first. I feeel ashamed of myself for hurting you like this.

Elinor: I see...then I’m sorry for not telling anyone I was taking a bath.

Nathan: Why are you taking this so lightly? Aren’t you mad at me? Wasn’t this forced on you just as much as it was me? (Nathan has his hands on the table curled up into fists and shaking with frustration)

Elinor: Aren’t you overthinking this? I’m not mad at you. If anything, I’m glad this happened, even if it was a bit too soon.

Nathan: What, I don’t understand? (Elinor puts her hand on top of Nathan’s shaking fists, catching Nathan off guard.)

Elinor: I like you Nathan. (Elinor gives Nathan a smile and Nathan blushes again)

Nathan: But, you don’t even know me.

Elinor: I know that you’re a kind and courageous person. You proved that when you stood up for me and defended my right to choose.

Nathan: How can you be so sure that I am kind or courageous? I don’t even know if I really would have laid my life down for you.

Elinor: I’ve seen many people like you in my life. They all had doubts, but when it came down to it, they would always stand by what they believed in. And I know that you would have done the same.

Nathan: I can’t believe you have so much faith in me. I’m just a stranger to you.

Elinor: No, you’re not. You’re my husband to be. (Nathan’s eyes grow wider)

Nathan: Elinor.... (All this time Elinor hasn’t let go of Nathan’s clenched hands. Nathan calms down and unclenches his hands while smiling at Elinor.) I can’t believe this is happening.

Elinor: I can’t either, but you’re not alone, I’ll be by your side always. (These words ring in Nathan’s ears)

Nathan says in his mind: Azalia...Iva...your spirits haven’t left me. You’re right here by my side, in Elinor.

(Elinor sees Nathan’s closed eyes trembling, almost as if he’s about to cry.)

Elinor: What’s wrong Nathan? (Nathan opens his eyes seeing a worried look on Elinor’s face)

Nathan: Oh, it’s nothing. Thank you, Elinor. (He moves his hands from under Elinor’s grasp to hold on to her hand) I think I may be naïve, but...I think I’m falling for you. (Elinor blushes, but is filled with joy)

Elinor: I’m so happy, Nathan. (Mr. Qureshi bursts into the dining room)

Mr. Qureshi: Things have finally been arranged and....(Mr. Qureshi sees Nathan instantly back away from holding onto Elinor’s hand) OHOHO, I see you two are finally getting close. That’s perfect, because tomorrow you two will get married. (Nathan is in shock again.)

Nathan: Bu...bu...But that’s so soon. (He looks over to see Elinor get up from the table and running to hug Mr. Qureshi)

Elinor: THANK YOU SO MUCH DADDY. (Nathan sits there amazed at seeing Mr. Qureshi and Elinor hugging each other while Mr. Qureshi is spinning her around and both are joyfully laughing)

(The next day Nathan is at an unknown location getting prepared to get married. He looks at the mirror still astonished that he’s just a few minutes away from getting married)

Nathan: So, the day has finally come for me to get married. Hahaha I bet my mother will be overjoyed at this news. But then again *sigh* she probably set this whole thing up from the start. She’s been pushing me to get married quickly even though I’m not even 18 years old yet. This can’t be a coincidence.

(Nathan starts to hear a big ruckus outside his dressing room)

Nathan: What’s all that commotion out there? (He walks over to open the door, but before he gets the chance to, a figure breaks through the wall)

Nathan: What the...? (Before Nathan stands a black suited figure with black glasses)

Nathan: What are you d....? (The figure attacks Nathan, but he is able to dodge his attacks. Nathan sees his chance and lands a blow onto the shady person’s abdomen but....)

Nathan: OWOWOWOW, what the heck is this guy made out of? Metal? (The enemy is unfazed and continues attacking him. However, Nathan again is able to land a kick to the enemy’s face.)

Nathan: AHHHHHRR, DANG IT, MY FOOT. (The enemy is standing there with his head tilted all the way back from Nathan’s kick. Yet, slowly, the enemy moves his head straight again, revealing a robotic face with red-ocular eyes where flesh used to be.)

Nathan: You...you’re not human, are you? (Mr. Qureshi bursts open the door and charges at the enemy with his scimitar sword. With quick speed he is able to cut off the the head of the enemy. The head falls infront of Nathan’s feet. To everyone’s surprise it speaks in a robotic yet deep growling voice.)

Enemy: Nathaniel Solis, you will be eliminated.

Nathan: What, why? Who sent you to kill me? Was it my cousin Dietrich Wolf?

Enemy: You must be eliminated. You are....(Mr. Qureshi cuts through the enemies head silencing it before it could finish)

Mr. Qureshi: Got to love this diamond-edged sword. Come on my son, get up, we need to get you and Elinor out of here. And promise me when you get of here, that you’ll take care of my daughter, like a good man should. Understand.

Nathan: I... (He hesitates to finish the sentence, but is cut off when three more enemy figures appear from the hole in the wall and one in front of the door. The enemy at the door takes out a silencer, but Mr. Qureshi quickly cuts off the enemy’s hand.)

Mr. Qureshi: Go my son, this place is being overrun with these inhuman things. Find Elinor and leave. She’ll know where to take you.

Nathan: But Mr. Qureshi....

Mr. Qureshi: No buts, get out of here now, I’ll handle these abominations. GO NOW.

(Nathan runs to find Elinor, he goes through the entire building while he sees a shootout happening where he and Elinor was supposed to get married)

Nathan: What’s going on here?

(He keeps searching for Elinor. He looks outside a window and the outside is even more chaotic as gunfights burst out and Mr. Qureshi’s men struggle with these robotic monstrosities in hand to hand combat. Suddenly Elinor comes and pushes Nathan away from the window as bullets tear through the window and land on the wall, barely missing Nathan and Elinor. Elinor gets up and addresses Nathan)

Elinor: Nathan are you ok? (Nathan looks up to see Elinor dressed in a beautiful white Arabic wedding dress with lavender roses patterned on to it.)

Nathan: My God, you’re beautiful. (Elinor blushes)

Elinor: Thank you...but, we got to go, it’s not safe here. (She lends Nathan a hand and Nathan gets up.)

(They both leave through a secret door leading to a tunnel that leads to a nearby building. They go behind the building where an unmarked car is waiting for them. Both of them are able to flee to England by airplane. During the flight, Nathan and Elinor have a conversation.)

Nathan: Elinor…What happened back there?

Elinor: I...don’t know.

Nathan: You do know something. You just don’t want to tell me. (Nathan leans forwards and puts his hands on his forehead.) This has happened to me for the third time already, being attacked like this. And the fourth time I had to move somewhere else. This is so frustrating.

Elinor: I’m sorry. This happened because of me. (Nathan looks at Elinor)

Nathan: Huh, why? What did you do?

Elinor: It’s not what I did, it’s who I am?

Nathan: Then who are you, really?

Elinor: I can’t say. (Nathan begins to remember Mr. Qureshi’s words: “Promise me when you get out of here, that you’ll take care of my daughter”)

Nathan: Do you still want to marry me?

Elinor: Yes, I do. I love you Nathan.

Nathan: But...why did you accept to marry me?

Elinor: I can`t….tell you why. My heart just responded to you.

Nathan: What does that mean?

Elinor: I’m…I’m…..What you told Mr. Qureshi about marriage and my happiness moved me.

Nathan: Just over that? Are you sure?

Elinor: I know that you can give me true happiness; because you’re the man I love…..Do you love me?

Nathan: I….I barely know you and you barely know me...but I see that your feelings for me are real. So, give me time, and I’ll grow to love you and give you that happiness you deserve. (Elinor smiles and both Nathan and Elinor hold hands throughout the rest of the flight)

(Fade back to present)

Elinor: If you had said that you truly loved me back then, I would have kissed you and made you mine. But….that’s impossible now. (A tear flows from Elinor’s face)

Nathan: I’m sorry, Elinor.

Silence…..

Cayla says with some hesitation: Please continue, Elinor.
Elinor: Ok….(She wipes off her tears) Once we arrived at England, Nathan’s mother and sister were their waiting for us. However, there was another person with them. Elizabeth!

Azalia: Wait how do you know Nathan’s Mother, Elizabeth?

Elizabeth: Before I met Krista, Nathan’s mother, I had lived among the Royal Family of England for centuries, sometimes I had to go in hiding because of Family Feuds and tyrannical kings and Queens, but once things had calmed down I would come back to live among the Royal Family, I was a well-kept secret within the Royal Family.

Cayla: But why were you living with the Royal Family?

Elizabeth: There was a secret order called the “Round Table” that knew of the existence of the Fallen Ones and made it their mission to help Fallen Ones in England to find their Destined Ones, so they protected me as well as took me to many places where I could meet people and see if I could find my Destined One. Then I heard of Krista, Nathan’s mother, who was well known among the secret order. She had a son who was known to have responded to a sister of mine. That was you, Azalia. Last I heard, you were killed by the “Leviathan” organization.

Azalia: Yeah well, in order to escape the Family Feud between the Wolf and Yosef Family, I had to fake my own death. It was death by a mine explosion while I was being pursued by Leviathan assassins. Anyways, a Fallen One’s Destined One cannot be the Destined One of another Fallen One.

Cayla: You know that’s not true, Azalia.

Iva: And as you heard from Elinor, she responded to Master Cross as well. (Azalia looks sad, still not wanting to believe)

Elizabeth: I didn’t believe it would work too, but Krista insisted, so I decided to go with her to meet her son.

(Back to the past when Nathan and Elinor met Krista, Angelina, and Elizabeth)

Nathan: Hi mom and sis.

Krista: Hello son, it’s so nice to see you again.

Angelina: Hey Nathan, I’ve missed you. (Angelina jumps on Nathan to hug him)

Nathan: Me too sis. Oh, and my fian...my friend here is Elinor.

Elinor: Nice to meet you, my name's Elinor. (She gives a serious look at Elizabeth)

Nathan: And who is she, mother? (Nathan points to the woman beside her)

Krista turns to look at Elizabeth and says: So do you feel anything. (Elizabeth looks at Nathan in disbelief as her heart responds to Nathan)

Elizabeth: Ye… Yes! He’s the one. The one I’ve been looking for all this time.

Nathan: Mom, what’s going on. Who is she?

Krista: She is Elizabeth, your fiancée.

Nathan: My fiancée? (Nathan’s looks confused and begins to give a weak laugh in disbelief)

Nathan says in his mind: Deja Vu?

Elinor: Fian...cée? (Elinor is also in disbelief)

(Scene changes to Krista’s fancy house on top a hill, where Krista, Elinor, and Elizabeth talk privately)

Krista: So, you’re a Fallen One, Elinor. And you responded to Nathan as well. Plus, you were supposed to marry him the day the Qureshi Family was attacked.

Elinor: Have you heard from them? Are they alright?

Krista: The last I heard they were wiped out. I can’t believe they were defeated so easily.

Elinor: Was it the Leviathan organization? (She holds back her grief)

Krista: No, it’s a group that split from the Leviathan organization, their goals are the same. To make Fallen Ones into weapons of war, but they have abandoned pursuing a way of removing the mark and instead attempt to blend machinery with demonic spirits. True artificial intelligence is still far from there reach, and programmed machinery is inefficient for them. What you two faced were demons in metal machinery. How they are able to control such devices is beyond me. This splinter group is called the Veil. But, back to the matter at hand. You and Elizabeth have responded to Nathan, but only one of you can make him your Destined One.

Elizabeth: So then what do we do?

Krista: Simple, one of you must win his heart. You make him fall in love with one of you.

Elizabeth: But, what if he loves us both?

Krista: Only one must capture his love. (Elinor and Elizabeth look at each other, unsure about how to deal with this)

(Scene changes to Nathan and Elizabeth walking together to the Park coming from a cloth store.)

Elizabeth: Thanks for taking me to go shopping. I enjoy wearing new clothes.

Nathan: It was my pleasure. You must be the type who likes wearing the newest thing in fashion.

Elizabeth: I really do, but I also like beautiful dresses as well. And I like wearing new hairstyles too.

Nathan: I can see that. You have your hair braided nicely today.

Elizabeth: Thank you so much, Nathan, for noticing.

Nathan:....So, Elizabeth, do you agree with this arrangement? Being my fiancée, if I choose you? I mean, you don’t even know me.

Elizabeth:….My hand has been given to so many men, but….none of them were for me.

Nathan: How am I any different then?

Elizabeth: I don`t know….destiny? fate? Love at first sight? Just because? I just know that somehow you can give me something that was taken from me a long time ago.

Nathan: And what is that?

Elizabeth: Happiness, Joy, a real chance at true love.

Nathan: How can you be so sure?

Elizabeth: Hahahaha…..You sure ask a lot of questions.

Nathan: I’m sorry. I don’t like interrogating people like this or sticking my nose into things where it doesn’t belong.

Elizabeth: It’s ok. In England, my whole life I lived with the Royal Family, of all the princesses and ladies that have walked through the palace, I was always considered the most beautiful and treated like the Royal Family’s most precious secret treasure.

Nathan: You make it sound like you’ve been here for centuries. (Elizabeth realizes she said too much)

Elizabeth: No, I mean no one surpasses me here...In the now. (Nathan sees Elizabeth fidgeting and acting weird)

Nathan: Are you ok?

Elizabeth: Sorry, I’m ok. Anyways, I was always presented with the best of men in Royalty and Aristocracy. I’m thankful for the Order's care and kindness, but lately I’ve been thinking maybe my soul mate is not among the Royalty of this world, but among the normal people of this world, those living a humble life. I thought I would never find my lover, and then I met you. I don’t know, my heart said this was my lover, my soul mate. Tell me Nathan, what do you think of me?

Nathan: I don’t know. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want you to think you chose wrong. The thing that hurts me most is to see someone cry because of me, because of what I’ve done. I like to think of myself as a person who cares, a person who wants to understand, not just of things, or even myself, but understand others as well. And hopefully, act in a way that’s honest, true, and wise. But situations like this, it makes things very difficult to find a solution. I know someone is going to be hurt, but I don’t know who. If I could I would want to take the hurt myself in place of others, that way you and Elinor don’t have to get hurt.

Elizabeth: I knew you were the one. Your honest and caring heart is exactly what my heart felt. There is no hate in your heart, only love. Will you give me your love?

Nathan: I…I…can’t give you an answer now?

Elizabeth: I understand, but when you’re ready I’ll be waiting to receive your love.

Nathan: You sure are blunt, expressing your feelings.

Elizabeth: Believe me, I mean what I say. (Nathan blushes)

(Elizabeth smiles at Nathan blushing and leaves and heads back to the palace. Nathan sees Elinor sitting on a bench watching the flowers)

Nathan: Elinor, what are you doing here? I thought you were at my mom’s house.

Elinor: I went to take a walk and breathe some fresh air. And I love flowers. The flowers are beautiful. (Nathan sits on the bench a few inches away from Elinor. Elinor scoots over to get close to Nathan)

Nathan: What is it, Elinor?

Elinor: Do…do you still want to marry me? Now that the Qureshi Family is gone, you’re no longer obligated to marry me. You’re free.

Nathan: I'm free? God, Elinor, I’m so sorry about your family, I didn’t know they all died in the attack. Mr. Qureshi was a good man. He saved my life.

Elinor: So, then you will leave me, now that you’re free.

Nathan: No, I won’t leave you, you were entrusted to me. So I will take care of you.

Elinor: I was adopted into the Qureshi family, so they aren’t my family by blood, but I still loved them for taking care of me. But, don’t think that their deaths obligate you to marry me. Love me for me. Do you love me, Nathan?

Nathan: …..I…..uhm….

Elinor: Did you ever felt anything for me?

Nathan: I felt that you were beautiful the first moment I met you.

Elinor: More than Elizabeth?

Nathan: You’re…..when it comes to love, if you love someone, then that person you love is more beautiful than the most beautiful flower in the group. She’s the only flower for him.

Elinor: Am I that flower for you?

Nathan: I won’t say that you aren´t that flower, but neither will I say that Elizabeth isn’t that flower. For now, please give me some time.

Elinor: Then please hurry with your answer, or you’ll end up hurting both the flowers. (These words hurt Nathan the most)

(Scene changes to Krista's house, where Krista and Nathan are talking at the table)

Nathan: How did you get me engaged to Elizabeth? I never agreed to this?

Krista: Remember, when I gave you some papers to sign after living at my house in New York for a while.

Nathan: I thought those were papers for me to change my name to Nathan Cross.

Krista: They were, but one of them was to get married to Elizabeth when you became 18 years old.

Nathan: But why mother, why would you trick me like this?

Krista: You looked depressed when you separated from Azalia. I was going to bring Elizabeth to New York so you could meet her and get to know her better before you married her. But my house was burnt down. So I couldn’t do that anymore, it was too dangerous.

Nathan: Then why didn’t you take me with you, mother? (Nathan’s voice becomes louder)

Krista: Because I didn’t want to endanger you and Elizabeth. I wanted things to calm down a bit.

Nathan: Then tell me, who is it that’s been after my life. Is it Dietrich? I knew he was jealous of me because of Azalia.

Krista: Azalia is dead.

Nathan: ....So....it was true....She did die in that explosion...(Nathan holds back his sorrow) Then who’s after me, who was after Elinor?

Krista: Now is not the time?

Nathan: WHEN, WHEN IS IT EVER THE TIME? (Nathan bursts out in anger as he stands up from the table. He realizes he lost control and sits back down and puts his head down hiding it between his folded arms totally tired from arguing. Her mother, unfazed by his outburst, continues to address him)

Krista: My son, you have to make a choice.

Nathan: Why force this on me? I never wanted this.

Krista: Then tell me now that you don’t love them at all.

Nathan: I….can’t do that.

Krista: What do you mean you can’t? Does that mean you love them both?

Nathan: I don’t know.

Krista: You can’t play with their hearts like this, you must choose one.

Nathan: I don’t want to hurt them. I don’t want to hurt Elinor. I don’t want to hurt Elizabeth.

Krista: You are hurting them right now because of your indecisiveness. (Nathan raises his head and looks intensely at his mother)

Nathan: I lost Azalia. I don’t know what she went through all alone before she died, or even if she ever loved me. I was a coward for never confessing my love to her. I lost Iva, the only girl I confessed my love to, and she’s dead because of me, because I left her all alone. I broke my promise to her......SO, WHY AM I FORCED TO LOVE AGAIN? (Nathan begins to cry out tears while trying to hold back)…..Whether I choose one or the other, I’ll end up hurting both of them anyways, like I did Azalia and Iva.

Krista: I’m sorry, my son...You must choose soon. (Nathan backs off from the table and folds his arms on his chest. Not wanting to continue the conversation, he turns his head to one side, not wanting to look at his mother, and reluctanlty says...)

Nathan: …...Fine…..I’ll give my answer when my 17th birthday arrives this December 16.

(The day before Nathan’s Birthday, Nathan is sitting outside on the porch of his mom’s house on a cool day, pondering over who he should choose. Elizabeth comes to visit Nathan. Nathan sees her and gets up.)

Nathan: Elizabeth, it’s nice seeing you here. Why’d you come? (Elizabeth walks over to Nathan and sits down. Nathan then sits down with her.)

Elizabeth: To see you. I need to tell you something important.

Nathan: Something important?

Elizabeth: It’s something about me, something that only I know. I’ve never told this to anyone. But, I’m afraid that it’s something you don’t want to here.

Nathan: Whatever it is, you can tell me. I’m here for you.

Elizabeth: A long time ago, I lost...my...purity.

Nathan: Purity? You mean...

Elizabeth: Yes...I lost my virginity.

Nathan: Elizabeth...were you....

Elizabeth: No, I wasn’t raped, I was...being foolish.

Nathan: ...You don’t need to explain yourself.

Elizabeth: ...Are you sure? I feel ashamed of what I did.
\
Nathan: I’m sure, but...why tell me this?

Elizabeth: Because I love you Nathan, and if you love me, then I want to be honest with you. I know that after telling you this, you might not want to choose me anymore. You might even hate me for it now.

Nathan: ...You’re wrong...this hasn’t changed how I feel about you and it hasn’t changed who I’ll choose tomorrow.

Elizabeth: Do you mean that?

Nathan: Whatever problems you had in the past, they no longer matter and they won’t matter to the one that loves you, because he’ll be the one by your side carrying your burdens with you. (Elizabeth looks at Nathan and smiles while shedding a tear, and puts her hand on Nathan’s cheek. Then she gets up and leaves the porch, but turns to look at Nathan again.)

Elizabeth: No matter whom you choose tomorrow, my heart will always belong to you. (She finally leaves)

(Nathan, astonished by Elizabeth's last words, gets up and enters the house and as he gets to his room, Elinor is at the door waiting for him.)

Nathan: Elinor!

Elinor: Nathan!

Nathan: Is there something on your mind?

Elinor: I’m afraid.

Nathan: Afraid of what? You can tell me, Elinor.

Elinor: I want you to know a secret of mine, one that I’ve never told a another soul before, but I’m afraid that if you hear it, you’ll never want me anymore.

Nathan: You have a kind and sincere heart, why would I not want you anymore?

Elinor: Because...Because...I’m sterile....I can’t bear you children. If you choose me, I can’t give you a son. I can’t give you a daughter (She says this while crying and falls on her knees to the floor.)

Nathan: Elinor! (Nathan holds her by the shoulders)

Elinor: I can never give you a child. And now that you know, you won’t want me anymore. I’d understand if you choose Elizabeth now.

Nathan: Elinor, look at me. This doesn’t change a thing. You carry such a heavy burden, I know that whoever loves you will love you for you, not whether you can give birth to children. You have nothing to be ashamed about. What matters most is that you’re with the one you love. (Elinor, moved by Nathan’s words hugs him, and after a few seconds, kisses him on the cheek. They both then stand up holding both hands)

Elinor: You’re really kind Nathan, but I’m not sure I believe that. And I don’t think you believe that either.

Nathan: Huh, do you really think I view you in such a base manner?

Elinor: Stop it. (She begins to tremble, with tears still flowing.)

Nathan: Elinor. What can I say to make you believe me? (He tries to comfort her by stretching out his hand, but she slaps it away.)

Elinor: Why are taking this so lightly? (Nathan, still on the ground with Elinor, looks on confused and unsure of what to say)

Nathan: Then what can I do to make you believe me?

Elinor whispers: Just...just...just (Elinor gets up quickly to leave, and as she passes by Nathan, he quickly grabs her arm, which stops Elinor in her tracks)

Nathan: Elinor, you know I said I would take care of you. So please believe me. (Elinor doesn’t turn around to look at Nathan)

Elinor: I’m not a child who needs protection, and I don’t want to be second in your eyes. (Elinor turns around quickly to look at Nathan, and Nathan is astonished at seeing Elinor’s grieving face as she shouts at him.) SO JUST LEAVE ME AND CHOOSE HER. (She pulls away from Nathan’s grip and begins to walk away)

Nathan: Then why, Elinor? Why did you tell me you’re infertile? Didn’t you say wanted to marry me? (Elinor stops again without looking back)

Elinor: Tell me...

Nathan: Huh?

Elinor: Tell me you love me and I’ll believe you. (She turns around) Say it and my heart is forever yours.

Nathan: Elinor.... (Nathan is unable to say anything and Elinor turns back around and tries to regain composure)

Elinor: I’m sorry, Nathan! I shouldn’t have said anything...it was too soon...(She calms down and wipes her tears from her face)...You really did give me strength and hope in the short time we were together. Whoever you choose tomorrow, know that my heart is forever yours. (Nathan looks on in amazement as Elinor leaves and to go to her room.)

(Back to the present)

Cayla: So, both of you can never obtain your salvation?

Elinor: That’s right...and now that we’ve lost Nathan, we can’t obtain our happiness either.

Nathan: Wait a minute, how can they not obtain their salvation?

Azalia: Elinor can’t bear children, so she can’t be adopted into Adam’s Family and obtain her salvation, even if she had a Destined One.

Iva: And Elizabeth can’t obtain salvation because she was, by her own free will, deflowered by someone other than her Destined One. A Fallen One must keep herself pure for his or her Destined One, otherwise they are no different from Samyaza’s fallen angels who committed the sin of fornication with strange flesh. Thus, she lost her chance at redemption.

Nathan: Hold on! This is ridiculous. (Everyone looks at Nathan) How can Elinor be denied salvation simply because she’s infertile? I mean, it’s not her fault that she’s infertile.

Elinor: You’re wrong, Nathan. It is my fault.

Nathan: Wha...what does that mean? Is it really that sinful to be infertile?

Iva: Master, it’s not about being sinful? Have you forgotten our situation as Fallen Ones?

Nathan: Huh? No, I...

Azalia: We’re not of the same humanity as you, Nathaniel. Salvation has come to Adam’s family, but not to us. It’s for this reason that our brothers and sisters are searching for their Destined Ones. The new life that’s birthed from our union to Adam’s Family is proof that our humanity has become one with Adam’s humanity.

Cayla: Yet, because of what Elinor has done, she has become infertile and cannot become one with Adam’s Family.

Nathan: What did you do Elinor? (She stays silent) So you really can’t be saved?

Elizabeth: It’s true, no matter who Nathan would have chosen, Elinor and I would never have obtained our salvation, except our happiness, but even that is gone from us now.

Nathan: I can’t believe that. There’s still many ways for all of you to have happiness. What of your friends and families?

Elizabeth: We have no friends or families. Not anymore. Just look at us. I knew my life in England would come to an end. The friends I had there would come and go, and in the end die. And even Elinor lost her adopted family in Dearborn. And she was there for only a while.

Azalia: We’ve lived our lives on the run for thousands of years, almost always alone and seen everyone we loved die, even our Fallen brethren.

Nathan: But don’t you have each other?

Iva: We rarely see each other, and the times we do see each other has been...troublesome at best. This life of immortality has slowly brought us apart, especially since we’ve been constantly hunted down by our enemies for our powers.

Elinor: We’ve grown tired of this unending life. Our Destined Ones is all we can hope for. At least that’s what I thought, until that was taken from me....

Elizabeth: And me!

Cayla: Even so...who...did you...choose...Nathan? (Cayla struggles to say this knowing that whatever Nathan says will hurt her deeply)

To be continued.....

[Davidizer13]

Normally, it takes hack SF/F writers years and whole series of books before sexist, racist, whackadoodle views show up in their work. You only needed ten chapters. Congratulations!

[FreddyCast]

Normally, it takes hack SF/F writers years and whole series of books before sexist, racist, whackadoodle views show up in their work. You only needed ten chapters. Congratulations!

Forgive me if it came out that way. I knew I'd mess up along the way. I wish to rectify that mistake. I will look at the chapter again and give it a better treatment.

[Wolfsong]

really interesting so far, but I feel extremely sorry for the E-girls. I imagine you'll work something out for them though? I am looking forward to the next part.
By the way, in regards to the picture way up above, I agree that there's a little too much...definition. Otherwise however, very good.

[Lynna]

( however I'm hoping to portray the harem genre in a more realistic manner, something which no anime/manga has ever done. Some might disagree with me on this)

You bet some of us will disagree with you! (more on this later)

So, I've been meaning to for a while, but I've finally read over your story and...well...it's really flawed XD;; Really. However, I think it does have potential. I would like to give it a really thorough critique, but I'm really busy with school, so I don't have time for it right now. In the mean time, I will leave this advice:

Watch Clannad and its sequel Clannad:After Story. And possibly Kanon (2006)

Honestly, if you plan on doing a good harem, you have to watch these two. Clannad especially is considered an excellent anime, and for some it's actually the best anime ever, and yet it technically falls into the harem genre. It's true that it has a far different tone from a lot of harems (I think, anyway: I don't watch many harems.) as well as from your own story, but I think it may give you an idea about how the genre has been done right before, even if only in a very round-about way. I think that it would be extremely helpful to you. It also does right some of the things I don't think you're doing too well, which I'll explain more fully when I give a proper critique.

Kanon (2006) is by the same visual novel company (both anime started as visual novels) and some people like it better than Clannad. I'm not sure if it would help more or just re-iterate everything from Clannad for you, but all the girls except one are from the protagonists past, so I think it might be helpful too.

Just as a general criticism, I'm afraid I find your story unrealistic, simply because there's really no explanation as to why Nathan met all these girls. And they all fell in love with him basically at first site except for Iva. And really...I don't find falling in love at first sight romantic. I also find it tiring how all the girls want him. Yes, I know, they're motivated because they want salvation, but even the ones who don't believe they can have salvation want him! ...And that's when all the feminists stop reading To go back to what I was saying, there's just this huge reliance on coincidences. I know this can be explained as God is somehow orchestrating this all...but really, why?
Anyways, I will go over this and other stuff more thoroughly later.

Normally, it takes hack SF/F writers years and whole series of books before sexist, racist, whackadoodle views show up in their work. You only needed ten chapters. Congratulations!

I actually think it takes most inexperienced writers two minutes. It's true that there is some stuff in here that's highly problematic, but I still think it could be tackled out. Maybe I'm just too optimistic?

[FreddyCast]

( however I'm hoping to portray the harem genre in a more realistic manner, something which no anime/manga has ever done. Some might disagree with me on this)

You bet some of us will disagree with you! (more on this later)

So, I've been meaning to for a while, but I've finally read over your story and...well...it's really flawed XD;; Really. However, I think it does have potential. I would like to give it a really thorough critique, but I'm really busy with school, so I don't have time for it right now. In the mean time, I will leave this advice:

Watch Clannad and its sequel Clannad:After Story. And possibly Kanon (2006)

Honestly, if you plan on doing a good harem, you have to watch these two. Clannad especially is considered an excellent anime, and for some it's actually the best anime ever, and yet it technically falls into the harem genre. It's true that it has a far different tone from a lot of harems (I think, anyway: I don't watch many harems.) as well as from your own story, but I think it may give you an idea about how the genre has been done right before, even if only in a very round-about way. I think that it would be extremely helpful to you. It also does right some of the things I don't think you're doing too well, which I'll explain more fully when I give a proper critique.

Kanon (2006) is by the same visual novel company (both anime started as visual novels) and some people like it better than Clannad. I'm not sure if it would help more or just re-iterate everything from Clannad for you, but all the girls except one are from the protagonists past, so I think it might be helpful too.

Just as a general criticism, I'm afraid I find your story unrealistic, simply because there's really no explanation as to why Nathan met all these girls. And they all fell in love with him basically at first site except for Iva. And really...I don't find falling in love at first sight romantic. I also find it tiring how all the girls want him. Yes, I know, they're motivated because they want salvation, but even the ones who don't believe they can have salvation want him! ...And that's when all the feminists stop reading To go back to what I was saying, there's just this huge reliance on coincidences. I know this can be explained as God is somehow orchestrating this all...but really, why?
Anyways, I will go over this and other stuff more thoroughly later.

Normally, it takes hack SF/F writers years and whole series of books before sexist, racist, whackadoodle views show up in their work. You only needed ten chapters. Congratulations!

I actually think it takes most inexperienced writers two minutes. It's true that there is some stuff in here that's highly problematic, but I still think it could be tackled out. Maybe I'm just too optimistic?

Thnaks Lynna for commenting. I'll be patiantly waiting for your more thorough critique.
And yes I do realize that the girls' first encounter with Nathan is unrealistic to say the least. And I guess I knew this would happen. So I've done my best as an amatuer writer to make the girls' already established feelings for him as realistic as possible through their interactions (and even those interactions are at times unrealistic as well). Many times I've tried thinking maybe I should start over with just a 1+1 relationship, instead of a harem theme, since it would be easier for me to develop one female character rather than so many. I've even discouraged myself at times from continuing this. But I've come too far to turn back now. And so I'm willing to take on the flaws of my story and do what I can to make it better.
Once again, thanks for taking the time to read this story and write a critique of it.
Peace of Christ

[FreddyCast]

So I was listening to this wonderfully romantic and beautiful song again called Mikro Matique- Why So Suddenly while reading Song of Solomon 6:5, and it inspired me to write this short "poem". It made me think of Nathan and Cayla again. Hope you guys like it.
Oh and chapter 11 will be posted soon.

Love of Christ

Your Eyes

Your Eyes
I am disturbed by your eyes, my love.
Why is it that I am left in utter confusion?
And what is this feeling I get from your gaze?
Is it fear?
Is it admiration?
Is it wonder?
Is it pride?
Or is it a feeling beyond comprehension.
Please, my love, turn your eyes away from me.
For your eyes, they overcome me.
Your sight, it overtakes me.
Your gaze, it overwhelms me.
Your stare, it overpowers me.
Your look, it subdues me.
And I am left completely conquered by you.
By your eyes.

[FreddyCast]

Ok, so I've been lazy this past week. Didn't do much on my other projects either, and I'm a bit behind on my revisions. (FRUSTRATION BUILDING)
So forgive me if chapter 11 is abit...unrefined. I can't find the right word so...Point is I might have rushed the revision on chap. 11.
But anyways, here it is. Enjoy. Feel free to comment and tell me what you guys think so far.
And remember, I'm always willing to here your thoughts on how to improve.
Christ's blessings and Love of Christ to you, Fam.

Chapter 11- The Love Triangle and Nathan’s Choice pt. 2

(In the dining room, Cayla is standing up from the table leaning on the wall, Iva is also up from the table at Nathan’s side with her sheathed katana out in front of her using it as a cane. Azalia, Elizabeth, and Elinor are sitting on the table, while Nathan has backed away from the table with the elbow of his arms placed on to his knees and his hands covering his mouth and almost touching his nose. His eyes are looking down on the floor in a frustratingly contemplative manner.)

Cayla: Well? (Nathan twitches his left eyebrow and closes his eyes when Cayla speaks, not wanting to say anything that might make the mood in the room any worse than it already is.)

Elinor: Excuse me for a minute, I need to go get some fresh air. (Elinor gets up from the table and leaves to go outside. She looks far more troubled than before)

Cayla: WHERE ARE YOU GOING? (Cayla’s voice seems to be louder than usual as she feels a bit confused and annoyed at Elinor leaving the room)

Elizabeth: I need some fresh air as well. (Elizabeth gets up to follow Elinor outside)

Cayla: HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING? WE’RE NOT DONE YET. (Her body turns to follow Elinor and Elizabeth as her hands clench tightly)

Iva speaks in a calm demeanor: Cayla! (Cayla quickly turns her head sharply in Iva’s direction)

Cayla: WHAT?

Iva: Leave them be. Do you not see? They’re just as distraught as you are.

Cayla: But... (Azalia turns her head from looking at the table to looking at Cayla)

Azalia: They will come back. Give them time. (Cayla turns her head sharply towards Nathan, hoping to hear something from him, but her angry face only makes Nathan turn his head to one side)

Cayla: Tch!....Fine. (Cayla folds her arms on her chest and leans back on the wall.)

(Scene changes to the outside)

(Elinor is standing outside looking up at the half cloudy-half sunny sky. Elizabeth comes stepping outside to meet Elinor.)

Elizabeth: What bothers you Elinor? (Elinor wraps her arms around her abdomen while still looking up at the sky)

Elinor: The inside of the house seems so dark compared to outside. (Elizabeth looks up at the sky, but quickly turns to look at Elinor, knowing full well Elinor is troubled by more than just Nathan’s choice)

Elizabeth: Sister, tell me really what’s going on. You don’t have to hide it from me. (Elinor stops looking at the sky and her face darkens)

Elinor: Do you remember what happened the night before Nathan’s birthday? (Elizabeth’s eyes widen, but they immediately close in realization of what Elinor meant)

Elizabeth: Yes, I remember well.

(Scene changes to the past where Elinor is in her room after arguing with Nathan)

(Elinor wipes away her last tear and goes to her cabinet next her bed and picks up her cellphone)

Elinor: I never really needed this thing. But Krista gave it to me for reason. I guess I need to use it now. (She grips the cellphone tightly and hesitantly dials Elizabeth’s phone number. The phone rings and Elizabeth picks up).

Elizabeth: Hello, this is Elizabeth, who am I speaking with?

Elinor: Sister, it’s me. (Elizabeth recognizes her voice)

Elizabeth: Huh? Elinor! Why did you call me for?

Elinor: It’s about Nathan.

Elizabeth: What about Nathan?

Elinor: I’m...I’m...(Elinor takes a big breath)

Elizabeth: Elinor, what’s the matter?

Elinor: If Nathan chooses me tomorrow, I’m going to refuse him. (Elizabeth is caught off guard by her response) And...I want you to do the same.

Elizabeth: What? What’s going on with you Elinor? And why should I reject Nathan for?

Elinor: It...It was wrong of me...It was wrong of us to force Nathan to choose between us.

Elizabeth: What are you saying?

Elinor: It’s clear to me...Nathan doesn’t want this...He doesn’t want to fall in love. He...He should be free to live his life however he wants.

Elizabeth: What is this? Are you trying to trick me?

Elinor: No, I...I was naïve to fall in love with him, without getting to know him better. These three months I’ve been ignoring him, while he’s been out with you.

Elizabeth: I knew it. So this is about getting him all to yourself.

Elinor: NO, it’s just...it’s not fair to Nathan. Our time has gone, we lost our chance. We shouldn’t thrust Nathan in a world he doesn’t belong in. The dangers we face. The lives we live. It’s not right of us to force him into this life WHEN THERE’S NO LONGER A NEED FOR HIM ANYMORE. (Elinor quickly covers her mouth with her free hand, realizing she screamed it out in the house)

Elizabeth: Is that what you think?

Elinor: Huh?

Elizabeth: Do you really think I NEED him. I know the situation I’m in. I know there’s nothing that can be done for me or you. I don’t NEED Nathan, I want him. For thousands of years we’ve been searching for our destined ones for our “salvation”, but to me it’s more than that. It’s about finding that one you love. Why do you think I’ve been with so many....I was impatient. Not knowing what real love is.

Elinor: Elizabeth...

Elizabeth: I won’t let all my time searching for him go to waste. I can’t. Not for you, not for anyone. My heart calls out for him.

Elinor: You’re wrong...the mark on your right hand calls out to him. Your heart is merely a radar.

Elizabeth: I KNOW THAT. But it can’t be for just our salvation, can it? It’s selfish of us to think that our Destined Ones are meant for just that purpose. I mean why does my heart still call out for him? Why does yours, if a destined one is useless to us now. A Destined One is more than just a tool for our own ends.

Elinor: I understand now Elizabeth....but you’re being naive like I am, and selfish as well. Do you really think Nathan will be happy with any of us?

Elizabeth: SO WHAT? You really expect me to believe that you’re gonna reject him if he chooses you. I’m not a fool, you know.

Elinor: I stand by what I say. And I want you to do the same, sister.

Elizabeth: NO! (Elinor is distraught at Elizabeth’s refusal to comply)

Elinor: This will only end badly.

Elizabeth: And you’re a fool to give up so easily. Do you really the circumstances of life will stop me from reaching my dreams and desires? They shouldn’t stop you either. (Elinor begins to lose her composure)

Elinor: Elizabeth...please...I love him still...The fool that I am...It’s because I love him that I don’t want this for him...please... (she covers her eyes with her hand, wanting to hide her sorrow even from herself)

Elizabeth: Tch!...Fine...But on one condition. If he chooses you and you stay true to your word and reject him...then I won’t...pursue him either. (She says this with some reluctance)

Elinor: Thank you. (Elizabeth hangs up on her)

(Back to the present. Elinor turns around towards Elizabeth’s direction, but doesn’t look up to see her)

Elizabeth: I’m sorry I snapped at you. I was a bit angry and confused at the time.

Elinor: You don’t have to apologize, you know. You’ve already done that plenty of times before.

Elizabeth smiles a little and says: Yeah, I guess you’re right....But now that Nathan belongs to Cayla, there’s no longer any reason for us to fight over Nathan anymore.

Elinor whispers: 7 years...7 years we waited for him. And it was all for nothing. What should we do now? (She sinks her head further down in despair) What now?....

Elizabeth: We move on. (She says this without hesitation which surprises Elinor and looks up to see her face)

Elinor: I can’t believe you would even say that. You who wanted Nathan more than I did.

Elizabeth: And? You think I’m not suffering from this as well. I just keep it under control is all.

Elinor: Keeping your feelings bottled up inside you like that will only make it worse for you.

Elizabeth: Now is not the time to break down either. Come on, let’s go inside now. They’re waiting for us. (Elinor is reluctant to enter the house) Just be glad we got see him again, Elinor.

(They both enter the house and join the others)

Elizabeth: So where were we? ( She looks at Cayla expecting a response from her. But Cayla responds in an irritated manner)

Cayla: I’m not repeating myself. (She looks to one side, not wanting to see anyone’s faces)

(Nathan is still sitting down in an upsettingly pensive manner)

Nathan: It was the day of my birthday and me, my mother, my sister, Elinor and Elizabeth were celebrating together at my mother’s house. But it seemed like the only one’s having a good time was my sister. I pretended to have a good time for my sister’s sake.

(Scene changes to the past, in the living room of the mansion. Nathan looks outside a window and sees more security guards than usual.)

Nathan: Why is there so much security detail today. Mother shouldn’t be so overprotective of us. (Nathan’s shirt is tugged by someone)

Angelina: Brother.

Nathan: Huh, watsup sis?

Angelina: I know you’re pretending, Nathan.

Nathan: Uh...Oh...It’s just...

Angelina: I understand this is tough for you. I don’t really have anything good to say. I can’t really cheer you up. So I guess a cliché line will do. Just do what you think makes you happiest. (She smiles as she scratches her head, feeling a bit silly for saying that)

Nathan: Thanks sis. I’m glad at least one of us is having a good time. I don’t want anyone to feel bad or awkward simply because I’m having a hard time. Just enjoy yourself.

Angelina: You too, brother. This is your birthday after all.

Nathan: I guess this is good a time as any. (Nathan walks over to his birthday cake and calls everyone’s attention. Everbody gathers around)

Nathan: I’ve finally made my decision.

(Both Elizabeth and Elinor tense up as they wait to hear Nathan choose one and not the other.)

Nathan: The one that I choose……..(Nathan ‘s voice turns to a whisper) The one that I love….is……(His heart races and he takes a big breath to calm down. Both Elinor and Elizabeth give each other a glance remembering what they agreed to last night)

Nathan: .........Eli (BOOM)

(An explosion occurs behind Nathan, sending everyone flying. Nathan is on the ground, his ears ringing as he can faintly hear more explosions occur throughout the mansion. Nathan is hurt and bleeding from his head. He tries crawling as he can see no one from all the debris scattered around)

Nathan: Gah...hunph...ack....Mom....Sis....Elinor....Elizabeth....Where are you?....Why is this happening?....Not again....not again. (Fire is engulfing the room)

(Angelina appears from around the corner, banged up with bruises and scratches on her body)

Angelina: NATHAN, OVER HERE. (She runs over and picks Nathan up on her shoulders and they both go through the hallways of the Mansion)

Nathan: What’s...going on? (Nathan is barely able to stay conscious)

Angelina: I don’t know, but we have to leave. (She takes out her cellphone from her pocket and calls someone) Come on! Come on! Pick up.

(Miss Angelina, is it you?)

Angelina: LEE EL!! GET OVER HERE NOW. WE NEED YOUR HELP.

Lee El: On my way.

(Angelina looks at Nathan’s barely conscious face)

Angelina: Brother, wake up, help is coming. Just hang on.

Nathan: But...Elinor...Elizabeth

Angelina: They’re fine, we just have to get you out. (Another explosion in the hallway separates the two and debris falls between them, severing their path to each other. Nathan is on the ground and can see her on the other side trying to getting up)

Nathan: An..ge..li..na. (Suddenly a mysterious figure with wings appears out of nowhere in front of Angelina.

Lee El: MISS ANGELINA!!! (He gets down to pick her up on his arms) Don’t worry, I’ll get you out of here

Angelina: No...my....bro...ther. (She can barely speak. Nathan watches as this winged figure disappears into thin air, taking Angelina with him and leaving a mist of light in his place)

Nathan: No...don’t go. (He summons the strength to get on his knees, but can no longer see anyone on the other side of the debris and slams the floor with his fist in frustration)

(Scene changes to Elizabeth, Elinor, and Krista hiding on the corner of a hallway. A masked military-uniformed gunman approaches.)

Elizabeth: Get closer! (As the gunman approaches the corner, Elizabeth grabs hold of his wrist and he fires on the floor. Elizabeth twists his wrist disabling him from his assault rifle. She then twists his arm, flipping him over and landing on his back on to the floor. She then punches his lights out, leaving him unconscious. She drags him him over in a corner where no one can see his body)

Elinor: There’s to many of them here. Who are they?

Elizabeth: If only I had my powers awakened, I could do something about this fire and deal with these brutes, ruining our party like this.

Krista: They’re tearing up my house with explosives. Why would the Leviathan Organization dare to attack us in such an open manner. They’re wreckless.

Elizabeth: The Leviathan Organization? What are they doing here?

Krista: Most likely after me. I know of their plans.

Elinor: What?

Krista: There’s nothing you Fallen Ones can do about it. At least not without awakening your powers first.

Elinor: What do you mean?

Krista: Elizabeth! Elinor! Follow me. (The girls follow her to a secret door leading to the basement. Nathan sees them from around the corner and follows them in, just barely able to keep up.)

Nathan: Mother, wait! (He sees a few security guards at the entrance to the basement)

Krista: Son, we have to split up, go with these men, they’ll take you somewhere safe.

Nathan: But, mother!

Krista: Don’t argue with me. I’ll take the girls. They will meet up with you later.

(Nathan wants to protest and fight off the guards, but is to weak to do anything. So he is taken by Krista’s men while he struggles. Then, Krista addresses the girls)

Krista: Girls, let’s head down this tunnel, we’re leaving on a private airplane headed towards America. Once in America, go to the city of El Dorado, Texas, at this address. Nathan will be waiting for you.

Elizabeth: Why can’t he come with us?

Krista: I don’t want my son to know of the existence of Fallen Ones yet. If he comes with us, he’s going to push us with questions over what happened until we give in, and then he won’t want any of you.

Elinor: But he’s already involved in this.

Krista: They won’t have my son nor my daughter. Listen, It’s best that one of you make Nathan your Destined One, and then reveal the truth to him. One of you have to awaken your powers. It’s essential for what’s coming. If possible make my son awaken both of your powers.

Elizabeth: What, why? It’s not possible for a Destined One to have two Fallen Ones.

Krista: It’s also not possible for two Fallen Ones to respond to the same Destined One. And yet it happened. It’s up to you two to decide what you want to do with my naïve son. He’s too soft and kind-hearted. He must grow up and leave his idealism behind.

Elizabeth: And what if one of us awakens and the other doesn’t?

Krista: I leave it to you two to choose whether you want to stay with him or leave to find your own Destined One. I know this isn’t easy for you two, but my son has already made his choice. Now, it’s your turn to make a choice.

Elinor: But, what if he doesn’t want to kiss any of us?

Krista: Make him. I know my son’s heart, he loves both of you. And he won’t admit it. Please girls, get along, be the best of friends, and the best of friends for my son.
(A bomb explodes and makes a hole in the basement. Enemies come pouring in and Krista holds them off as she shouts to the girls: GO NOW) (A strange figure wearing a business suit and with 6 wings appears from the hole)

Krista: LEAVE NOW, HE’S TOO POWERFUL FOR YOU TWO.

Strange winged figure: Did you really think this “secret order” would protect you from me? (The girls leave without the enemy noticing them. The strange figure pins Krista down to the ground with blinding speed)

Krista: Gahah... (Elizabeth and Elinor stop to hear Krista pinned down and shout: HECTOR) (The girls reluctantly get on the airplane and the pilot waiting inside helps them escape)

(Fade back to the present)

Elizabeth: And that is how we got here, but Nathan was not here. We believed Krista’s words that Nathan would arrive here.

Elinor: We didn’t want to believe that something horrible happened to Nathan, so we stayed here for 7 years waiting for him to come.

Azalia: Then what happened, Nathaniel? Why didn’t you come as soon as you left England? (Nathan rubs his eyes looking exhausted)

Iva: Is something the matter, Master?

Nathan addresses Iva: No, I’m fine. Just a bit tired is all. (Cayla gives a concerned look at Nathan’s tired condition)

Iva says in her mind: You’re not fine. You haven’t slept for more than a day.

(Nathan continues the story)

Nathan: I was being led to a small airplane underground, but the guards leading me to it were killed by a cave in caused by an explosion. I ended up limping towards the plane, the pilot took me as far as America, but I was left on my own. Apparently only the guards knew where I was supposed to go. So I decided to go to Texas and live with my aunt, Anna Stone. She was my mother’s sister. Anna had married a pastor named Peter Stone. So I lived at their Farm where I later met Cayla. I later heard from my sister on my cellphone, that she was ok, but that she had to go in hiding somewhere else. She also told me that my mom was killed by the Leviathan organization.

Iva: Excuse me, Master. How did you know of this place, then?

Nathan: Before my 17th birthday started, my mother gave me a paper containing the location and address to this place. She told me it was a place to hide from trouble, but most importantly a place to start a family. I had totally forgot about it, but I didn’t know this is where Elizabeth and Elinor were sent to. (He turns to look at both Elinor and Elizabeth) Please forgive me you two, I wanted to find you, but I had no idea this is where you were. I had assumed you had either died or were somewhere far away that I would never find you.

Elinor: Then tell us now, who were you going to choose to marry that day? Was it me or Elizabeth?

Elizabeth: We know it doesn’t matter anymore, but whose name were you going to say?

Nathan: …….I can’t...remember. That day was pretty vague to me. I could barely stay conscious because that first explosion. (Nathan says this while rubbing the back of his neck)

Elizabeth says in her mind: Liar!

Elinor says in her mind: You’re not telling the truth

Iva says in her mind: Master, we see through your excuse.

Azalia says in her mind: Why can’t you be honest with yourself.

Cayla says in her mind: Idiot!

Cayla: Do not take us for fools, Nathan. Tell me this then……do you still have feelings for them? (Nathan takes his time before giving Cayla a response as he looks at all the girls in the room)

Nathan: …..They can live safe with us, and make their own lives here. At least until they find their Destined One, but….I love you Cayla. (Cayla gives a slight smile after hearing Nathan proclaim that he loves her, but the rest of the girls keep silent.)

Elinor: It’s about time to go to sleep. Elizabeth and I will show you your rooms.

(All go to their respective rooms, except for Nathan and Cayla.)

Cayla: Nathan, wait. Can we talk for a minute?

Nathan: Sure, Cayla, what is it?

Cayla: Do you really love me, and only me?

Nathan: You know I love you.

Cayla: But do you love only me? Or do you have feelings for the others as well?

Nathan: We went through this already.

Cayla: Elizabeth and Elinor was present there. But now it’s just me and you. So please, be honest with me.

Nathan: I won’t lie to you Cayla….I still have feelings for them all. Life played a cruel game and now I’ve been caught up in so many....problems.

Cayla: Your honesty is something I love about you, but what you said troubles me too. I’ll never accept your feelings for them; I’ll never accept you loving someone other than me.

Nathan: But, Cayla, I…..

Cayla: Please don’t try to give excuses. I might have been the last Fallen One to meet you and the last to love you, but I am not the same as they are. I will not accept living as part of your fantasy.

Nathan: Cayla, please, it’s not like that.

Cayla: I’m sorry my love, but I’m going to sleep in this room for tonight. I don’t feel well. (Cayla enters a separate room, leaving Nathan alone in the hallway).

Nathan: Cayla….(Nathan enters his own room but lays his back on the door and slides down to sit down on the floor with the door on his back.) God, why is this happening to me, why did I fall in love with so many women? I didn’t want this. I don’t want this. (Nathan covers his face with his hands begins to pray in silence, but is soon interrupted by Elinor’s presence outside his door)

Elinor: Nathan, may I please come in. (Nathan gets up and opens the door with some hesitation)

Nathan: Elinor! Please come in, but what are you doing here?

Elinor: I heard you and Cayla, and I heard you behind this door. This whole thing is troubling you.

Nathan: You shouldn’t be here right now Elinor.

Elinor: You still love us don’t you? Elizabeth and me!

Nathan: I’m sorry, Elinor. I can’t give you what you want. I love Cayla now.

Elinor: I’m sorry, for being forced into your life, for being forced to love us back then. I wish I didn’t cause you such trouble over this. I can see now that your heart is set on someone else.

Nathan: No, Elinor...I was never forced to love you both, I chose to love you both back then, but even though I can’t give you my heart, I want you to be with me still, as a close friend. (Elinor is somewhat displeased)

Elinor: Why?

Nathan: I....

Elinor: It’s alright. I’ll let you go to sleep now. And I’ll stay with you for as long as you want me to be. After all, my heart will forever be yours (She leaves the room)

Nathan: Elinor! (He walks backwards and sits down on the bed and then lays his upper body on the bed covering his eyes with his arm. During the night Nathan has problems sleeping has he is constantly being woken up by someone calling out his name)

A dream-like, yet soft voice whisper: Nathan! Nathan! (Nathan tosses and turns while his closed eyes tremble and he begins to sweat) Nathan! Nathan!

(The next day, Nathan wakes up early, unable to sleep, and is the first to wake up, he goes to the bathroom to fix himself up and brush his teeth. Then he decides to go outside, and as he goes to the front door, he sees Elizabeth already dressed up and opening the door to leave.)

Nathan: Elizabeth!

Elizabeth: Oh hi, Nathan.

Nathan: Why are you up so early? And where are you headed?

Elizabeth: I can ask you the same thing.

Nathan: Oh uh...

Elizabeth: It’s alright, Nathan, you don’t have to tell me. I’m going to my job. Since Elinor and I live here we’ve been earning our living by working. I work at a cloth store and Elinor works at a flower shop. As you know, I love clothes and she loves flowers, so it suits us to work in a cloth store and a flower shop.

Nathan: That’s sounds great. So then, why isn’t Elinor here with you?

Elizabeth: She works later on during the day, I start early in the morning.

Nathan: Oh...well, alright. I hope you do well at work. Come back home safe.

Elizabeth: Nathan...before I go. I want to tell you. I’m sorry for forcing you to love me back in England and for forcing you to choose between me and Elinor. It wasn’t my place or your mother’s place to make you my fiancée without your approval. You should have been free to choose whoever you wanted to love. Can you forgive me?
Nathan: There’s nothing to forgive. I may have been thrusted into a love triangle, but what I felt for you and Elinor was real, it wasn’t forced and it wasn’t fake. I only wish I could give you my heart back then, but Cayla is the one I love now.

Elizabeth: Thank you, Nathan. You truly are a wonderful man, if only you were mine and only mine. (As she turns to close the door behind her, Nathan feels great sadness and shouts to Elizabeth)

Nathan: WAIT...please...Don’t leave me again.

Elizabeth: Silly, I’m not leaving you...like I said before...whoever you choose...my heart will always belong to you. (She leaves to go to work)

Nathan: Elizabeth...you too. What am I supposed to do now? (Nathan leaves the house, as Cayla is seen standing behind her open room door with a sad expression)
(Scene changes to the mysterious white robed woman overlooking Nathan’s house)

Mysterious Woman: Your past is not done with you yet, Nathan. You must endure for what is yet to come. I can see now, that you are more than just a mere man. You have the potential to resurrect my people and be our leader.

To be continued....

[FreddyCast]

I was inspired by Gen. 29:20, to write this love poem.

Because of my love for You

Love is the greatest strength in the universe
Now I know my love is strong for you
For nothing in the world can keep you from me because of my love for you
I chose you just the way you are because of my love for you
I forgave you of your wrongs because of my love for you
Even when you rejected me, I worked so hard for so long to regain you because of my love for you
The length of time was nothing to me because of my love for you
For I waited patiently because of my love for you
I thought of you day and night because of my love for you
I cherished you and never took you for granted because of my love for you.
I carried your burdens because of my love for you
I felt your hurt and experienced your sorrows because of my love for you
I took on your pains because of my love you
I shared in your troubles because of my love for you
I endured all sufferings because my love for you
I died in your place because of my love for you
I shielded you with my life because of my love for you
I wiped away your tears because of my love for you
I did all of this because of my love for you
You came back to me because of my love for you
And now, you and I are one because of my love for you

[FreddyCast]

Chap. 12 coming next week.
I was inspired by Gen. 2:18 to write this love poem.

I LONG FOR YOU

I long for you, my love
I do not know who you are
I cannot see you
I cannot hear you
I cannot feel you
I wish I could hold you in my arms
I wish I could be by your side
I wish I could have met you earlier in my life
I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me
I’m sorry I wasn’t there to give you comfort, and strength, and the love you so deserve
Can you forgive me?
Can you forgive me for not being there when you needed someone by your side?
I think about you every day
I cannot rest knowing you are not here with me
If there was one thing I could say to you,
It would be that I love you with all my heart
Even though I do not yet know your name
Even though I cannot yet see your face
Even though I cannot yet hear your voice
Even though I cannot yet feel you between my arms
I cannot stop thinking of you
Will we ever meet?
Will we ever see each other?
When we pass by each other, will we ever notice each other?
I long for you, my love
Whoever you are
Wherever you are
I long to be by your side
I fear that I will go through this life alone without you
I long to know your name, your pain, your desires
I long to see your face, your smile, your beauty
I long to hear your voice, your laughter, your heartbeat
I long to touch your hand, your cheek, your hair
So until we finally meet
Until we finally become one
I will always long for you, my love

[FreddyCast]

Hey Fam,
So here's Chapter 12. I am so slow with the revisions right now. Forgive me for that. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Christ's love envelop you all, my Friends.

Chapter 12- The Assassin’s Trap

(As Nathan leaves the house, Iva calls out to him from above the roof of the house)

Iva: Master Cross, where are you going? (Nathan turns to look up and see Iva on top of the house. She then immediately jumps down to the ground landing in front of Nathan)

Nathan: Oh, hey Iva. You shouldn’t be jumping from atop the house like that. People might see you.

Iva: But I’m curious as to why you are leaving the house without anyone to accompany.

Nathan: It’s nothing you should worry about. I’m just going to take a walk to clear my mind a bit.

Iva: Let me accompany you, Master. You shouldn’t be going outside by yourself.

Nathan: Thanks, but I want to be alone for a while. Don’t worry I won’t go far. And you don’t have to call me Master.

Iva: But that is who you are to me, my “Master”. I promised to be by your side, just as you promised to be by mine. (Nathan smiles scratching his head)

Nathan: So that’s why you call me Master. Because of the promise I made to you...Please, Iva, I need to go by myself to clear my mind for a bit. I won’t take long. As your boss, I don’t want you to follow me for now. (Iva feels concerned for Nathan)

Iva: I see. (Iva goes up to Nathan and hugs him, marking him with the same fire symbol of protection as before, without Nathan knowing about it.)

Nathan: Iva, what are you doing? (Nathan feels off guard and doesn’t dare to hug her in return)

Iva: Please come back safe, Master. (She lets Nathan go and smiles)

Nathan: Uh...Thanks, I will. (As Nathan walks off, Iva’s smile drops and she’s in serious thought.)

Iva says in her mind: Something is wrong. Someone is disturbing my master’s mind. He hasn’t been sleeping properly. Forgive me Master, but I must stay by your side. I will not let anyone take your life)

(Nathan takes a walk and is being plagued by the same voice that was disturbing him last night)

Dream-like voice: Come, Nathan. I’m waiting. (Nathan grabs a hold of his head and shakes it violently)

Nathan: What...do you want...from me? (Unknown to Nathan, he has been walking straight to a playground near an abandoned school)

Nathan: That’s odd, how did I get here? I don’t see anybody around here. Like it’s deserted.

(Then out of nowhere he looks over to see a small woman playing on a swing)

Nathan: Uh...hello. Who are you?

Unknown woman: I’m hurt, really, that you can’t remember who I am. This will make it easier for me to end this. (She gets up and starts walking towards him. She’s dressed in a long coat and wearing modern cloths with gear all around, [sort of like a cross between Lara Croft and Trinity from the Matrix]. He takes a good look at the woman and is surprised to see a familiar face. As she approaches Nathan, she addresses him)

Dorothy: Nathan! Hello, it’s been a long time. I’ve missed you.

Nathan: Do...Dorothy. My God, how have you been? I didn’t know this is where you were all this time. You left without saying goodbye. And what’s with the uniform? Are you in the Army or something?

Dorothy: Nathan! (She stops a few feet from Nathan)

Nathan: Yes, what is it?

Dorothy: Forgive me!

Nathan: Forgive you? For what? (Her expression becomes emotionless)

Dorothy: For this. (She takes out a pistol and aims it at Nathan’s forehead at point blank range)

(Nathan reacts quickly, he turns his body to one side and grabs Dorothy’s wrist pulling the gun away from his head and then uses his other hand to grab the pistol by the side and twist it from Dorothy’s hand, disarming her)

Nathan: Why Dorothy? What are you doing? (Nathan Disassembles the gun with ease throws the parts on to the ground)

Dorothy: I see, you’re a skilled fighter. But just how good are you? (A fight begins which catches Nathan off guard. Dorothy does a mid-air cartwheel and hits Nathan over the head with her leg. Nathan falls to the ground. He quickly rolls to one side, narrowly avoiding a kick to the abdomen, and flips back up to his feet. Yet, Dorothy drop kicks him, and sends him flying back falling to the ground)

Dorothy: Is this all you can do? Pathetic

Nathan: No, Dorothy, what’s happened to you. (Nathan slowly gets back up to his feet as Dorothy approaches him.) Wait! (He stretches out his arm to reach Dorothy, but she grabs his arm and throws him over to the ground instead)

Nathan: guhuh...Dorothy, what’s wrong with you, this isn’t like you.

Dorothy: I’m not the same Dorothy you knew. Now die. (She attempts to stomp Nathan’s face, but Nathan moves out of the way. The fight continues. Dorothy does a roundhouse kick, but Nathan blocks it. She does a sweep kick and Nathan jumps to avoid it. She lunges forward with her fists and Nathan takes the defense. Finally, Nathan is able to grab a hold of her from behind locking her arms)

Nathan: Stop this now Dorothy. Please don’t make me hurt you.

Dorothy: Hurt me? (Nathan sees a chip implanted on the back of Dorothy’s head on her neck. Dorothy then displays incredible strength, breaks free from Nathan’s hold and elbows him to the stomach. As he leans down from the pain in his stomach, Dorothy grabs a hold of his and flips him over with his back to the ground. She lays on top of him and takes out a knife hidden in lower left leg, aiming to stab his chest. Nathan then grabs her hand trying to stop her from stabbing him, but her strength slowly overpowers his and the knife slowly comes down towards his chest)

Nathan: Dorothy, whatever I did to you, I’m sorry, but please, don’t do this.

Dorothy: ....Nathan....save...meuhn (She shakes her head, as if battling herself)...DIE.

Nathan: Dorothy, snap out of it. (The knife touches his chest and slowly begins to penetrate his skin, triggering the fire symbol and engulfing Nathan in fire and light. Suddenly, as the fire symbol disappears Nathan sees Iva behind Dorothy ready to cut her down with her katana, which is engulfed in flames)

Nathan: IVA, DON’T! (Dorothy jumps out of the way barely dodging Iva’s strike. Iva then picks Nathan up).

Iva: Master, are you alright?

Nathan: Yes, I am. You saved me just in time. (Nathan sees Iva stressed from using her power and swinging her sword)

Azalia: NATHANIEL!

Cayla: NATHAN! (Nathan sees Azalia and Cayla running towards him)

Nathan: Cayla, Azalia, what are you doing here?

Azalia: We’re here to save you.

Dorothy: Are you going to hide behind women, coward?

Nathan: Dorothy, it’s over, please stop this.

Cayla: You know her, Nathan?

Nathan: Yes, look, don’t hurt her, she’s not herself. Just a while ago I saw something on the back of her head. I believe it’s what is making her do this.

Cayla: Leave it to me, Nathan. (Cayla transforms into her angelic state) I’ll remove it.

(Cayla flies quickly towards Dorothy and takes her down face first.)

Dorothy: Get off me. You’re going to pay for this.

(Cayla fries the chip on the back of Dorothy’s head. Dorothy screams from the pain on her head.)

Nathan: Dorothy (he runs towards Dorothy who is unconscious on the ground)

Cayla: She’s fine. I destroyed the chip, but it was embedded quite deep in her brain.

Azalia: We should take her back to the house, we’ll take care of her there.

Iva: Master Cross, please let me address your wounds.

Nathan: It’s alright, I’ll be fine. You should take it easy Iva. You were sweating.

Iva: It’s my unstable body, if I use any strength o r power I get weak quickly because of the broken seal on my hand. But I’m ok now, as long as I’m near you, I can stabilize my body and regain my strength.

Nathan: How is that possible?

Iva: You have a calming effect on me. I don’t know why? (Cayla suspects Iva is not telling the truth and feels irritated at her)

Cayla: Enough, Iva. Nathan, I’ll heal your wounds for you. Let’s go home now.

Nathan: Ok, let’s go then.

(They all go to the house and put Dorothy in bed. Elinor and Elizabeth come back from work and it’s already evening. Nathan comes in to check on Dorothy. He sees Azalia and Elinor taking care of Dorothy while the others look on.)

Nathan: How is Dorothy doing? Is she still out?

Azalia: Yes, she still is. It must have felt really painful when Cayla removed the chip from her head.

Cayla: What I want to know is who was controlling her?

Nathan: I’m guessing it’s the same people who sent Payne after us.

Iva: And Takeshi and his minions as well.

Cayla: Nathan, how is it that you know this woman? She’s not one of us. She’s not a Fallen One.

Nathan:...It was after you left. I felt really...depressed..., so I went to all the places we went together, so that I wouldn’t forget about you. One day after leaving a NASCAR event, I was walking straight home and saw this girl pass by me. She had the same look of depression as me. She was headed towards the school area. I was curious to know why she was down like me, so I followed her. She stopped at a children’s playground and sat on a swing. I felt sorry for her and wanted to help, so I approached her and sat on the swing next to her.

(Scene of Nathan and Dorothy sitting on the swings)

Nathan: Hi, my name is Nathan. I’m sorry to bother you, but I couldn’t help but notice that you seem down. (Dorothy is silent). Is there something I can do to help you? (Dorothy stays silent, so Nathan decides to keep her company. After quite a while Dorothy speaks)

Dorothy: Why do you care? No one ever listens to me.

Nathan: Because you seem to be feeling the same way I am right now. I don’t know if it’s because of the same pain or not, but...I think if we can help each other, we can ease our pain.

Dorothy: I...don’t believe you. You’re just a stranger. Strangers don’t come to help someone unless they want something from that person. What do you want from me?

Nathan: I’m sorry, I don’t usually come up to people that I don’t know to help them, but sometimes I do. It’s just the way I am. So, what do I want from you?...Nothing, I just want to help.

Dorothy: You’re lying. I know when people are lying to me. Just, leave me alone.

Nathan: ...You’re right, I do want something from you....Your company....Forgive me, I just wanted someone to listen to me. I guess I’m just being an idiot. I must look like some weirdo to you. I’ll leave you alone now. (Dorothy sees Nathan getting up to leave)

Dorothy: Why...(Nathan turns around to see Dorothy) Why come to me? Don’t you have friends or family you can go to?

Nathan: I don’t have friends, at least not anymore. My parents are dead, my sister is somewhere far away, and I’m living with my uncle and aunt right now. I came to you because I don’t think anyone can understand what I’m going through.

Dorothy: And what’s that?

Nathan: The loss of a loved one, the loss of many loved ones.

Dorothy: ...I never had loved ones. In fact, I’ve never been loved by anyone.

Nathan: I’m sorry. I guess you must be hurting more than I am.

Dorothy: ....My parents abandoned me when I was born...I was put in a foster home and for years I was treated like an outsider. I was then moved from one foster home to another. I never got the chance to know anyone personally. Any friends I had were either adopted or were left behind every time I moved. I finally decided to leave my current home on my 16th birthday. That was 3 days ago.

Nathan: My God, you must be starving by now.

Dorothy: I’m used to it. Those at the orphanage didn’t really take care of us orphans the way they should have. The foster parents weren’t any better....Wait a minute, why am I even telling you any of this? Just go, leave me.

Nathan: uhm...you can come to my house with me if you want. I can take care of you. You don’t belong outside, winter is almost coming and it gets cold at night.

Nathan: I guess you can’t. You just have to take my word for it. I promise I won’t hurt you. Of course, I’m going to have to hide you from my uncle and aunt. They don’t like strangers. (Nathan says in his mind: Not after they heard about Cayla leaving us out of the blue).

(Dorothy goes with Nathan to his house where she is given clothes and food and sleeps in Nathan’s walk-in closet using Nathan’s spare pillow and blanket. Dorothy lives with Nathan in secret for the next month)

(One day Nathan takes Dorothy to a theme park)

Nathan: Man, the weather is pretty warm today. That’s Texas weather for ya.

Dorothy: Tell me again, why are we going to a theme park.

Nathan: I want you to have some fun. To be honest I don’t like going to theme parks. I, uh...don’t like the rides.

Dorothy: Really? Then let’s go on a roller coaster ride first. (Nathan is a bit shocked she would suggest that)

Nathan: Are you serious? (Dorothy grabs a hold of Nathan’s wrist and drags him to a roller coaster ride, where they get on board. Nathan is a bit hesitant as he keeps thinking of leaving the ride, but it’s too late as the ride slowly moves up.)

Nathan: Oh man, oh man, oh man.

Dorothy: Do these rides really scare you?

Nathan: I...don’t like heights. (Dorothy takes a hold of Nathan’s hand)

Dorothy: I’m here with you. (Nathan laughs nervously)

Nathan: I can’t believe I’m losing my cool. (Nathan says in his mind: Just calm down. Breathe)

(As the ride reaces the top, it slowly creeps forward. Nathan tenses up. The ride finally drops down fast, leaving Nathan screaming in terror as he holds on to the rail in front of him, while Dorothy lifts her arms screaming in joy. The ride ends and Nathan comes out feeling a bit dizzy and sick)

Nathan: Maybe coming to the theme park was a bad idea.

Dorothy: Come on, let’s go on this one. (Dorothy grabs Nathan and drags him to more rides, to Nathan’s displeasure. Yet, throughout the whole day, he is happy for Dorothy as she enjoys herself in each ride. As they leave the theme park, Nathan asks Dorothy a question)

Nathan: You seem to have had a lot of fun today. Is this the first time you came to a theme park?

Dorothy: It is. I never had this much fun before. Thanks for bringing me here.

Nathan: It was my pleasure. It good to leave the house sometimes.

Dorothy: Can we do this again? (Nathan crinches a little at the thought of going back on the roller coaster ride, but he regains his composure)

Nathan: Sure, you deserve to have some fun. (Dorothy smiles at Nathan’s approval)

Dorothy: Thanks.

Nathan: It was nothing. (Both Nathan and Dorothy walk back home together)

(The next day, both Nathan and Dorothy are in Nathan’s room, Dorothy is on Nathan’s bed and Nathan is on the floor showing her pictures of his mom and sister.)

Nathan: This picture is of me, my mom, and sister in New York. (He gives it to Dorothy for her to see)

Dorothy: You’ve been to many places.

Nathan: In a way I’m just like you, being moved from one place to another. Only I was chased out and forced to hide from people that were after my life. And I still don’t know why or even who it was that I was running from. My mom wouldn’t tell me.

Dorothy: And who are these women. (She sees pictures of Nathan and his past loves together.)

Nathan: This is me and Azalia, my caretaker, when I was 15 years old in Israel. I was in love with her, but I was afraid to tell her. And because of a Family Feud, I was forced to leave and lost my chance to tell her how I truly felt about her. This picture here is of me and Iva. She was homeless and I took a picture with her at her makeshift home. I confessed my love to her, but she died in a fire accident. This picture is of me, Elinor, and Elizabeth. Both the girls were in love with me, but I never got to tell them who of the two I loved because I was chased out of England by some intruders. And this was Cayla and me taken at a NASCAR event. She left me and I don’t know why, but she gave me this necklace before she left. Part of me feels that she wasn’t real, but a ghost...and another part of me feels that she was real...I miss her.

Dorothy: So these are the “loved ones” you were talking about.

Nathan: Yes.

Dorothy: I’m sorry, it must hurt a lot. I never received love from anyone, never had anyone care for me. But, I always wanted to be loved.

Nathan: Well I’m here, and I care about you. You being here makes me happy, and gives me some peace from all my hurt.

Dorothy: And I’m glad I met you in the playground that day. The first time I met you is when I first felt like someone actually cared for me. You’re a good friend.

Nathan: And you’re my friend as well, I only wish you didn’t have to hide in the closet.

Dorothy: Here’s the picture of your Family, you can have it back now. (She reaches out to give it to Nathan, but she’s on the edge of the bed. Nathan sees that Dorothy is about to fall over, and as Dorothy’s hand slips, he catches her on her shoulders bringing their faces close to each other. They both stare at each other’s eyes and blush.)

Dorothy: uh...can you help me up now. (Nathan snaps out of his trance)

Nathan: huh...oh, sorry. (Nathan lifts her back on to his bed) You’re, uh, surprisingly light.

Dorothy: I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention and I my hand slipped from under me.

Nathan: It’s alright! What matters is that you weren’t hurt and that you’re ok now. (Dorothy keeps staring at Nathan) Dorothy?

Dorothy: Can I ask you something? Would you be ok if...if I was more than just...

Nathan: Just what? (Dorothy shakes her head and recollects her thoughts.)

Dorothy: Can I sleep on your bed from now on. I don’t want to sleep in the closet anymore.

Nathan: Sure you can. I’ll sleep on the floor.

Dorothy: No, sleep with me. (She blushes) I mean... sleep in bed with me...I mean...you can sleep next to me...no...Uh...Uh...you don’t have to sleep on the floor. (Nathan smiles as Dorothy struggles to find the right words)

Nathan: Alright, I’ll keep you company.

Dorothy: Thanks...and Nathan....

Nathan: Yes

Dorothy: Can we go back to the playground where we first met. I don’t want to stay in this room forever.

Nathan: Of course, anything you want.

(They sleep together in bed, but they both sleep with their bodies facing away from each other. A few minutes pass by and Nathan starts to feel an arm hugging him from behind and a body touching his back. He realizes that it’s Dorothy hugging him and goes to sleep accepting Dorothy’s embrace.) (In the morning he awakes to find Dorothy missing in bed.)

Nathan: huh...Dorothy? (He gets up and fixes himself up and goes to the playground hoping to meet her there. Dorothy is hiding behind a tree, afraid to meet him as she plans to tell him something important, but as she gets the courage to come out and meet him, some dark figures grab her and take her by force, shutting her mouth.)

Dorothy says in her mind: NATHAN, SAVE ME PLEASE. NATHAN, SAVE ME. (She tries to shout these words with her mouth, but it’s taped up. She is taken to a van where she is then thrown in and the van drives away with her inside.)

(Nathan stays at the playground all day waiting for her to arrive, but she never comes.)

(Back to the present)

Nathan: I thought she had left without saying goodbye. I felt like she abandoned me. I now realize that she might have been kidnapped. However, I still don’t know why she wanted to go to the playground.

Elizabeth: Well you can ask her now.

Elinor: Oh, she’s waking up.

Nathan: Dorothy!

Dorothy: Nathan! What happened?

Nathan: We set you free from that device that was on your head. And it was all thanks to Cayla. (Nathan points to Cayla so Dorothy can know who it was that freed her)
Dorothy: So she is Cayla. And all of you, I remember you all from the pictures Nathan showed me. But, how are you all here?

Nathan: That’s a long story, we can explain later.

Cayla: Tell us what happened to you?

Dorothy: What happened to me!?

Azalia: Yes, after you disappeared at the playground.

Nathan: You don’t have to tell us now. You can rest if you want.

Dorothy: No, I’m alright. I need you to know what happened to me...When I was taken away by some group of strangers, I was put in some laboratory where there were other people laying on some metal beds. They were people just like me, homeless and abandoned by society. These strangers kidnap people that don’t have a family and that no one will notice are missing. I was used as a test subject for a new experimental project.

(Scene changes to Dorothy strapped to a medical bed and her mouth taped. And figures in medical uniforms. A figure in a business suit arrives)

Mr. Hector: Is the patient in good condition.

Doctor: Yes sir, she’s ready for the operation.

Mr. Hector: Good, I’ll go speak to her first. (He goes over to Dorothy’s side and inspects her terrified face) So you are the last child of the Fallen, eh? I’m going to take off the tape from your mouth, but please do not scream. No one will here you. (He takes off the tape from her mouth)

Dorothy: Who...who are you people? What do you want from me?

Mr. Hector: We’re your new family. And you will be the first prototype cyborg, completely integrated to synthetic parts. (He points to her body parts) Your arms, your legs, your entire body will no longer be just flesh and bones. (He grabs a needle nearby and punctures Dorothy’s arm with the needle)

Dorothy: Stop! That hurts! (Tears start to form in her eyes because of the pain.)

Mr. Hector: Your skin will have synthetic fibers that will make you both strong and hard to penetrate, almost like your skin is made of steel, yet you’ll be so light that your weight won’t have changed at all. (Mr. Hector walks around as he grabs a vile with a weird substance and shows it to Dorothy. He then paces himself around her) Your bones will be injected with nano-bots which will strengthen your bones into rods of super strong, yet light metallic substance. These “special” nano-bots can also heal any damages to your synthetic parts. (He stops pacing and touches Dorothy’s forehead with his index finger) The only part that will not be manipulated is your head. Well...(He takes out a small chip from his pocket and shows it to Dorothy) except for this “special” chip that will be implanted into the back of your head, if you resist.

(After Mr. Hector finishes his explanation, Dorothy still looks in horror and speaks up)

Dorothy: Why? Why are you doing this to me? What did I do to you?

Mr. Hector: Why, you ask....because you are the descendant of a Fallen One and a Destined one.

Dorothy: What? I don’t understand.

Mr. Hector: You don’t need to understand. Just know that you will be a very “special” assassin.

Dorothy: Assassin? But I don’t want to hurt anyone.

Mr. Hector: Oh, but you will. (He signals the doctor’s to begin the operation) Your new Family demands it. (A doctor comes over with a needle)

Dorothy: Wait, wait. Please stop! (Dorothy tries to struggle, but can barely move and is injected with something that makes her very sleepy.)

Mr. Hector: Go to sleep now. Your new life awaits.

(As Dorothy’s eyes begin to close, she utters in a soft whisper Nathan’s name)

(Scene changes back to the present)

Dorothy: I learned later that these guys who changed my body were working for an organization called “Leviathan”.

Nathan: It figures. (He clenches his hands into fists in anger) Why did they put that device on your head?

Dorothy: When they had completely finished changing my body into a cyborg. They tried to train me to be an assassin by force. When I refused to obey, they implanted me with a chip that would burrow through your brain and take control of your body. I essentially became like a robot, obeying every command they gave me. Of course the chip is not perfect since I was still able to freely speak at certain times, but that was all I could do. All my objections did nothing to stop them from turning me into a trained assassin.

Nathan: That’s horrible. And they sent you after me. Why?

Dorothy: You were my first mission as an assassin. I was sent to kill you all by myself, but only when I lured you away from the others to a deserted place all alone. I know very well who you are Nathan and who all these women are as well. You are a Destined One and all of you are Fallen Ones. My objective was to get rid of the Destined One before he gathered too many Fallen Ones together. The organization didn’t understand why you were attracting so many Fallen Ones and decided that you were too much of a threat. That is why they sent me.

Nathan: So you know about us then. I’m a bit surprised, that you’re not freaked out by this.

Dorothy: I’m the least of your worries right now, the very reason I’m here means that the Leviathan organization knows where you’re hiding. (Dorothy starts to get tired)

Nathan: Dorothy, you should rest now.

Elinor: Elizabeth and I will go prepare some food for you.

Cayla: We’ll leave as well. We’ll worry about Leviathan later. For now, we’ll take a rest too.

Azalia: Nathan, you should stay with Dorothy. Watch over her in case something happens, we’ll be near to help you both.

(Nathan and Dorothy are alone in the room. Dorothy opens her eyes.)

Nathan: Dorothy, just go to sleep. You need to regain your strength.

Dorothy: No, there’s still something I want to tell you.

Nathan: What is it?

Dorothy: It’s about that important thing I wanted to tell you at the playground back then.

Nathan: What important thing?

Dorothy: Since we’re alone, right now is a good time to tell you, even though it’s already too late.

Nathan: What do you mean too late?

Dorothy: Remember when you said that you wanted my company, because you lost your loved ones.

Nathan: Yes, I remember.

Dorothy: And that you were happy to have me with you because it gave you some peace. Well, you made me happy as well and you gave me something I never had. And that was someone that cared for me, someone that loved me.

Nathan: As a friend.

Dorothy: That important thing I wanted to tell you was: I wanted to be more than a friend to you.

Nathan: Dorothy...that’s...

Dorothy: You were the first person I ever truly liked. You were my...first love. Nathan, tell me, was I really just a friend to you? After all the things you did for me, giving me a home and food to eat. We did everything together in your room. And I enjoyed every moment of it. You were truly the greatest thing that ever happened to me. You can’t just tell me that I was just a friend to you?

Nathan: You...I admit...having you living with me made me really happy, so much so that I started to feel attracted to you. When you hugged me in bed, I started to wonder whether you had feelings for me as well. And to be honest, I was glad that you hugged me. I welcomed your embrace and I would have welcomed your love for me as well, but...

Dorothy: Cayla is the one you love now. And that’s why it’s too late for me. Life is really cruel to me. I lost my chance, but I thank you Nathan. At least I now know that I could have been more than just a friend to you back then, and that you would have accepted my love. If only I had more time.

Nathan: Dorothy....

(Silence)
(Dorothy then realizes she forgot to mention something very important, much to her horror)

Dorothy: One last thing, Nathan. We must get out of here NOW.

Nathan: There’s no need to worry, the Leviathan organization wouldn’t dare attack 5 Fallen Ones, especially one that has already awakened her powers. (Dorothy gets up from the bed and raises her voice as she begins to worry greatly)

Dorothy: Yes they would. After they gave me the orders to kill you, they told me that if I failed, they would send their deadliest weapon after all of you within 12 hours of my failure.

Nathan: No enemy is strong enough to beat an awakened Fallen One.

Dorothy: Not if that enemy is an awakened Fallen One as well.

Nathan: That’s Impossible. They’ve never been able to remove the seal on a Fallen One’s hand.

Dorothy: Apparently they have and we need to leave as soon as possible.

Nathan: But, it’s already been 12 hours since we brought you here. Who is this awakened Fallen One?

Dorothy: I don’t know who this Fallen One is. All I know is she has red hair and wears a black hood with black wings on her back and death follows her.

Nathan: Her? It’s a woman?

(The doorbell rings)

Cayla: I got it!

Azalia: Wait a minute, no one else is supposed to know that we’re here. Who can it be? (Azalia tries to warn Cayla) Wait Cayla, don't open the door.

(Cayla opens the door. Nathan quickly runs out the room and sees the front door open. Cayla sees a woman hiding her face under a black hood. The hooded figure lifts up her head enough for Cayla to recognize her face and red hair. Cayla is filled with surpise)

Cayla: Lilian, is it really you, sister?

Nathan screams: CAYLA, GET AWAY FROM HER? (After looking back to see Nathan warn her, Cayla then turns her head back to see Lilian).

Lilian: Hello sister. It’s been a long time. (Cayla sees black wings coming out from Lilian’s back)

To be continued.....

[FreddyCast]

Hey Fam.
Ok, so this chapter is the shortest of all the other chapters, I think, because this chapter is supposed to be more about the action scenes than dialogue. But since I have no artist to depict these action scenes, all I have is a short description of these action sequences. I could later on try to find some artwork and post it into the chapter to give you some visual storytelling. For now all I can do is give you a brief description of said action scenes. Also, this chapter introduces two new characters and reintroduces two other characters briefly mentioned in past chapters. Enjoy.
And God's blessing be upon you all, my Friends.

Chapter 13- The Angel of Death

Cayla: You’ve been awakened!? (Lilian immediately attacks Cayla, punching her on her chest and making her fly and smash through a wall and crash into another room.)

Nathan: CAYLA! (Nathan runs to Cayla’s side. Cayla struggles to get up) Are you alright?

Cayla: H..how is she....? I can’t move. (She yells at Lilian) Why are you doing this Lilian?

Nathan: Lilian? (Nathan says in his mind: Why do I know that name?)

Lilian: I’ve come for your Destined One’s life. (She takes off her hood and sees Nathan) No, this can’t be. So it is true...But I killed you.

Nathan: What, you killed me? When, I don’t even...(Nathan takes a closer look at Lilian with her hood now off.) No...so you were real?

Cayla: What’s going on Nathan? Don’t tell me you know her as well.

(The other girls come to stop Lilian)

Azalia: Lilian, stop this now. (She puts her hand on Lilian’s shoulder, but Lilian grabs and twists her hand, bringing Azailia to her knees) Sister, why? (Lilian puts her other hand on Azalia’s neck and picks her up as she is joking her.)

Elizabeth: LET HER GO! (Elizabeth tries to come to Azalia’s rescue but Lilian throws Azalia straight at Elizabeth, making them both collide as they fall to the ground.)

Elinor: You can’t do this, Lilian. (She runs towards Lilian and attempts to kick her, but Lilian catches her leg and with the palm of her hand pushes Elinor with great force that she collides through the wall and into the kitchen. She easily overpowers them)

Nathan: AZALIA, ELIZABETH, ELINOR (Lilian begins to walk towards Nathan)

Lilian: Stay out of this, sisters.

(Iva then appears in front of Lilian putting herself between her and Nathan)

Iva: You will not harm my Master.

Lilian: Don’t get in my way, Iva. (Lilian starts to emit a dark aura that begins to effect things around her, causing the floor and nearby objects to decay.) Don’t make me kill you, Iva.

Iva: Try it. (Iva takes out her sword and engulfs it in flames) I’ll make sure you turn to ashes.

(Lilian makes the first move and Iva dodges her attacks. Each time Lilian throws a punch her power flows out in the direction of the strike causing everything in its way to decay and break down. Iva counterattacks with her flaming katana, being careful not to burn the house. Iva can’t seem to hit Lilian and her body begins to get unstable, causing her to feel very weak and stressed out.)

(Cayla finally is able to get up on her feet)

Cayla: You think you can get away with hurting me like this, Lilian. (Cayla transform into her angelic state and an electric arua envelops her) YOU’RE SADLY MISTAKEN!

(Cayla immediately attacks Lilian. Their fighting skills are almost equal, until Cayla gets the upper hand and throws her to the ground. She then summons her powers and strikes Lilian with a lightning attack, causing Lilian to fly and break through the house wall, crashing to the ground outside on the front yard. Iva falls to her knees breathing heavily as she tries to calm herself down. Outside one can see more enemies with hoods hiding their faces and standing out there as if waiting for the orders to attack. Dorothy stumbles out her room and addresses Nathan)

Dorothy: Nathan, we have to leave now. (Nathan looks at Lilian getting up and walking back inside the house.)

Nathan: We have to deal with Lilian first. Otherwise we’ll never be able to get away. (Nathan goes to Iva’s side)

(Lilian charges Cayla and they both fight, showing an amazing display of their powers as they hit each other with kicks and punches. Their auras show just how powerful they are as they literally tear the house apart. They back away from each oth for a bit and Cayla then addresses Lilian)

Cayla: Lilian, why are you working for Leviathan? Do they have you under their control as well.

Lilian: I work only for my Master Azazel and I’m here to carry out his command and destroy all the Destined Ones.

Cayla: What? Azazel is imprisoned in Hell. Raphael himself bound him there.

Lilian: He is very much free and here on Earth.

Cayla: If you kill Nathan, then I’ll die.

Lilian: It’s what you deserve for allowing yourself to be corrupted by humans, especially since you stole my Destined One.

Cayla: Your Destined One? You mean, you heart responds to him as well. What’s going on?

Lilian: I’m not a fool. I will not allow this ridiculous mark to move me to be corrupted by him. All men are evil and must die.

Cayla: If that’s truly what you believe then why do you have those humans outside following you?

(A shadowy figure appears)

Mr. Hector: They are not humans anymore. They are completely possessed by demons.

Cayla: Who are you?

Lilian: Master! (Lilian turns around to see Mr. Hector)

Cayla: You are not Azazel. What have you done to Lilian?

Mr. Hector: If you wish to know, try to defeat us. Just know that none of you will escape here. (Nathan sees a chip hidden within Lilian’s hair on the back of her head)

Nathan: Cayla! Lilian is being controlled just like Dorothy was. She has the same chip on the back of her head.

Mr. Hector: Ahh...Mr. Cross. Why don’t you stay put! You’ll see your mother soon.

Nathan: My mother? You know my mother? Were you the one who killed her? (Nathan takes a step forward)

Cayla: Don’t move, Nathan. (Cayla gets distracted for a while by looking back at Nathan)

Mr Hector: Finish him, Lilian.

(Lilian quickly moves and knocks Cayla down while she is not looking and goes to attack Nathan. Iva is too weak to help Nathan in time, but suddenly, Dorothy jumps in front of Nathan, blocking Lilian’s hand with her right arm, but Lilian’s hand cuts off Dorothy’s upper arm with her power of decay. An unphased Dorothy, grabs Lilian with her other arm and throws her away from Nathan and into another room.)

(A far distance away, we see 4 people walking by and they see a dark aura surrounding the neighborhood where Nathan and the girls are)

Johnathan: So how much farther is this place?

Angelina: We’re almost there. The house is this way at the next corner. Just be patient.

Johnathan: Yeah, yeah. (He looks up to see a strange aura)

Jonathan: Hey Angie, isn’t that the direction where Elinor and Elizabeth live. (All four look up)

Angelina: Yeah, But what is that dark aura?

Lee El: It’s a demonic field that traps those within. (Angelina’s eyes widen and starts to imagine the worst)

Angelina: Elinor and Elizabeth are under attack. We have to help them.

Jonathan: Then let’s hurry. (He turns around to look at his companion) Come on Ellis.

Ellis: Yes, Johnny. (She nods and all four run towards the dark aura surrounding the nearby neighborhood)

(Scene changes back to Nathan’s house)

Mr. Hector: Get up Lilian, you are stronger than this. Stop fooling around and finish them all.

Lilian: Yes, Master.

Cayla: You won’t get passed me again, sister.

(Elinor, Elizabeth, and Azalia recover and run to Nathan’s side.)

Nathan: Dorothy, your arm. (Looks in horror as he sees Dorothy’s upper arm laying on the floor)

Dorothy: I’m alright, my synthetic body doesn’t feel pain, the nano-bots in my body will reconstruct my arm, but will no longer be flesh and blood. (Dorothy falls to her knees)

Nathan: But you’re still weak from earlier today.

(Lilian and Cayla fight again, but Lilian gets the better of Cayla as she touches her eyes and usesher power of decay to temporarily blind Cayla. Then suddenly from the outside Lee El and Ellis in their angelic form begin to break through the demonic field and take out the enemies from the outside. Lee El’s angelic power is to freely teleport anywhere and Ellis’s angelic powers is the ability to control the element Earth/dirt. They both overpower the enemies heading straight towards Nathan’s house with Jonathan and Angelina following from behind.)

Mr. Hector: Intruders! Lilian, finish them now.

(Lilian begins to advance towards Nathan, but Elinor, Elizabeth, and Azalia attack Lilian. While Lilian is distracted by the three girls, Iva musters up enough strength to attack Lilian with a surprise flame attack, knocking her down to her knees. The girls then hold Lilian down and Cayla grabs Lilian’s head and destroys the chip on her head. Lilian screams in pain and collapses, but is freed from Mr. Hector’s control.)

Mr. Hector: NOO! (He turns around to see Lee El approach him.) You! You won’t get passed me. (As he throws a punch at Lee El, Lee El teleports and dodges his punch and goes to Nathan’s group. Immediately, as Mr. Hector misses Lee El, Ellis knocks Mr. Hector down with a wall of earth, burying him under it. She then joins Nathan’s group with Jonathan and Angelina following close by)

Lee El: Everyone grab on to me. We're getting out of here. (Nathan grabs and carries Dorothy on his arms and goes toward Lee El. All the girls then group together around Lee El and Cayla carries an unconscious Lilian on her shoulders. The enemy outside begin to swarm the house.)

Cayla: Everyone close your eyes. (Cayla then blinds the enemy with a blinding light that emanates from her eyes)

Angelina: Do it now, Lee. (Lee El uses his powers to teleport everyone that touches him and everyone else that are linked to those who are touching Lee El to another location far, far away from Nathan’s overrun and decimated house)

(Scene changes to the mysterious white robed woman overlooking Nathan’s destroyed house and seeing Mr. Hector rising up from the rubble unscathed with a mad face and an evil gaze)

Mr. Hector: Run all you want. There’s nowhere you can hide from me. (From the mirror-like portal, the mysterious woman observes Mr. Hector)

Mysterious woman: Hector. A sad man, indeed. You who once gave life to the very man you are attempting to kill. Or did you? The foul spirit within you will suffer an even worse fate than you.

to be continued.....

[FreddyCast]

Hey Fam, I'm back with another chapter. It's been too long. I've been a lazy bum as usual. *sigh* And I've been recently focused on an RPG thread "Infinite Powers" which is so much fun. I love my IP characters. Anyways, I'll try to chuck out more revised chapters during this week.
Peace of Christ, Fam.

Chapter 14- The Touch and The Broken Heart

(Scene of everyone transported from a safe distance away from Nathan’s destroyed house)

Angelina: Is everyone here? (She looks around to see everyone)

Elinor: Yes, we’re all here.

Elizabeth: It’s a good thing you guys came when you did. Thanks Lee. Thanks Ellis.

Nathan: Angelina, is that really you? (He looks surprised as he holds Dorothy in his arms)

Angelina: It’s good to see you, brother. But, let’s save our reunion for later.

Lee El: Hector has gotten bolder with his actions.

Angelina: Indeed, the Leviathan Organization is just asking to get exposed. Why attack Fallen Ones in such a public area?

Lee El: We must get moving before they find us.

Ellis: Yeah, we have to figure out where to go to now.

Jonathan: I don’t know, I’m liking the view here. (Jonathan stares at all the beautiful faces of Nathan’s companions. Ellis comes and punches Jonathan on the shoulder.)

Ellis: Behave yourself, Johnny, or I’ll you’ll be viewing the soles of my shoes.

Jonathan: Yes, honey. Gosh, that hurt. (He rubs his shoulder)

Angelina: All you girls have to heal yourselves of your wounds. You all look like you’ve been through a tough fight.

Nathan: Lay down here for a minute Dorothy.

Dorothy: Ok! (Nathan lays her down on the ground next to a tree. He then approaches Lilian, who is waking up. Cayla puts Lilian down since she is feeling tired as well and turns back to her normal form.)

Nathan: Lilian, you’re not hurt are you? (He reaches to touch her on her shoulder)

Lilian: DON’T YOU TOUCH ME...Monster. (Nathan is surprised by what she says. Lilian reverts back to her normal form and looks up to see Nathan. Her eyes begin to get watery and looks the other way to hide her tears) Nathan! (She quickly gets up to hug Nathan. Nathan looks puzzled at Lilian’s sudden change) I thought you died...I thought I was going to kill you again. Forgive me.

(The same flashback which he saw when he was near death in the alley with Cayla [see chapter 1] reappears in his mind and sees a woman with black wings and red hair floating in the air looking down at him)

Nathan: So, what I saw back then. It was you. You were real.

Lilian: Of course I was. But, how did you survive? I was sure I killed you.

Cayla: Let go of Nathan, NOW. Why do you keep on saying that? Since when did you ever meet Nathan? And why were you after his life? (Lilian let’s go of Nathan and is too shy to say anything)

Angelina: This isn’t the time for this, we have to leave before Hector and his minions come looking for us.

Nathan: My sister is right, we have to leave.

Azalia: But, where do we go?

Angelina:...I know! We can go to the Yosef Family.

Azalia: What, NO! We can’t cause more trouble for them, not after what happened between me and Nathan and the Wolf Family.

Angelina: It’s alright. The Yosef Family is under the protection of the Israeli Defense Force. After you faked your death, the Wolf Family took out their anger on Eli Yosef and assassinated him. Your Master was a well-known and respected member of the Israeli government and when the IDF heard of his death they decided to put the Yosef Family under their protection. Any further attacks would result in the IDF taking actions against the Wolf Corporation.

Nathan: Master Eli is dead?

Angelina: Yes, brother, he is.

Nathan: Everyone I care about keeps dying. Why can’t we just be left alone? (Nathan clenches his hands in anger and yet holds in his anger)

Iva: I won’t let anything happen to Master Cross.

Azalia: That’s right, don’t worry, Nathaniel, we’ll protect you.

Jonathan: Guys, we have to go, like now.

Angelina: Lee, can you teleport us to the Yosef Family estate in Israel.

Lee El: I can. I won’t have any energy left, but that’s not an issue.

Nathan: You can do that?

Jonathan: Of course he can, he has far more angelic energy than any other Fallen One. He is their leader leader after all.

Lee El: I was, Jonathan. Not anymore. I've told you that repeatedly already.

Nathan: I didn’t know that.

Angelina: Are you ready Lee?

Lee El: Yes, ma’am.

(Nathan picks up Dorothy and everyone groups up together around Lee El. They are instantly transported to the Yosef Family Estate. Azalia knocks on the door and Mrs. Yosef opens the door.)

Mrs. Yosef: Yes who is it? Azalia! What are you doing here?

Nathan: Hey “Ma”!

Mrs. Yosef: Nathaniel, my goodness, look at you all. You’re all a mess.

Nathan: Please Ma, help us out here, Dorothy is injured and she needs a place to rest.

Mrs. Yosef: Oh my, of course, take the girl to your room, it’s a bit different from before, but you can lay her in bed.

(Everyone comes in)

Cayla: Ma? (She ponders)

Azalia: It’s what Nathan calls Mrs. Yosef. He sees her as his second mother, since his own mother, Krista, was living in America at the time.

Cayla: Oh. I see.

Mrs. Yosef: Go ahead my son. Your room is that way. (She turns to look at the rest). I’ll show you to your rooms. And I’ll prepare dinner for you all. So, take a bath while the food is being prepared.

(Nathan brings Dorothy to his room and lays her in bed)

Nathan: Alright, just rest here for a while. How’s your right arm? (Dorothy shows him the upper arm Lilian previously cut off and has regrown fully) Wow! It’s completely grown back.

Dorothy: Yes, but it’s no longer my own flesh and blood arm. It’s completely synthetic now. (Nathan feels her synthetic hand)

Nathan: But it feels so real. (Dorothy uses her other hand to grab Nathan’s hand)

Dorothy: But I can’t feel you. (She starts to feel sad)

Nathan: What’s wrong, Dorothy?

Dorothy: Remember when I said that I can’t feel pain, it also means I can’t feel the sensation of touching something. All I can feel is an object. It’s like I have a glove wrapped around my entire body whenever I touch something.

Nathan: My god... Dorothy that’s horrible...

Dorothy: This whole time you were carrying me, I couldn’t feel your arms, and I couldn’t feel the warmth of your embrace. I can’t even feel your hand. (Dorothy starts to cry) I want to feel again. I want to feel your warmth again. (Nathan stretches out his hand and touches her cheek)

Nathan: Can you feel this? (Dorothy looks at Nathan’s eyes)

Dorothy: ...Yes. I can feel your hand.

Nathan: Your face is the only part they didn’t change. And I thank God they didn’t. (Dorothy puts her left hand on top of Nathan’s own hand which is touching her face)
Dorothy: I want to feel things with my own hands, with my own body. I want my old body back. (Nathan moves his face close to Dorothy’s face)

Nathan: I promise I’ll get you your old body back. I don’t know how, but I promise you I will. (Dorothy, moved by Nathan’s words, closes her eyes and proceeds to move her face even closer to his, hoping to be kissed. Nathan sees what he got himself into and backs off. Dorothy is disappointed at Nathan for backing off and whispers "Idiot!". Nathan hears her and smiles slightly)

Nathan: Maybe I am. I’m sorry...I appreciate your feelings for me. I wish I could return those feelings. But you already know how I feel about Cayla.

Dorothy: I understand. And Nathan...Thank you, for taking care of me and for what you said.

Nathan: You’re welcome.

Dorothy: And I’m holding you to your word, now.

Nathan: Hahaha...I know, and I will make it happen. You can count on it.

(Nathan leaves the room. Cayla who was nearby heard what Nathan and Dorothy said. Cayla stands in front of the door and addresses Dorothy)

Cayla: Hey Dorothy.

Dorothy: Oh, hi Cayla.

Cayla: You know the only reason Nathan ever felt anything for you was because you were merely a substitute in place of me.

Dorothy: What? That’s not true. Why would you say that?

Cayla: It is true and you know it. It’s best you leave behind your feelings for Nathan. You’ll only get hurt.

Dorothy. If that’s true, then aren’t you hurt that Nathan still has feelings for the other girls as well.

Cayla: What?

Dorothy: I saw it in the other girls’ faces. They have feelings for him. And I bet he has feelings for them too.

Cayla: N..no...He doesn’t.

Dorothy: I can see it from your face, that he does have feelings for them. Tell me this Cayla, would you still love Nathan even after knowing that he still has feelings for them, feelings for me?

Cayla: That’s ridiculous...but yes...I would.

Dorothy: Then I still love Nathan, even if he did see me as just a substitute of you. Besides, you only love him because that mark on your hand told you to. I fell in love with him because I chose to of my own will. Plus, Nathan and I are the same, mortal humans. You aren’t. You’re an immortal and a fallen angel.

Cayla: You and him are the same? Hah. (Cayla has almost a smug look on her face) Why don’t you look at your right arm and tell me that again. In fact, why don’t you look at yourself in the mirror?

(Cayla leaves in anger and Dorothy clenches her hands into fists as she looks at her synthetic arm and tears start falling from her face)

(Scene changes to Nathan seeing Azalia through the window sitting outside the house watching the view of the whole city of Jerusalem. He goes outside to sit down and talk to her)

Nathan: How you doing, Azalia?

Azalia: Nathaniel! I’m fine, and you?

Nathan: I’m feeling glad that we can finally take a rest from all the troubles we’ve gone through. It’s good to be back here in Israel. I’ve missed this place.

Azalia: I feel the same way. The view of the city is breathtaking.

Nathan: Yea, it is! ....Hey Azalia, I know we haven’t talked in a while. Well, it’s only been a few days, but I feel like you’ve been keeping your distance from me. Did I do something wrong?

Azalia: No, you didn’t do anything wrong. And I haven’t been keeping my distance from you. I’m always there watching and doing my best to protect you.

Nathan: But still, you’re not like yourself, like you used to be, always cheerful and confident.

Azalia: It could be because of all the bad guys that are after us, or maybe all the girls that’s surround you. I don’t know, I’m just not as bold as the rest.

Nathan: Could it be...because of Cayla and me.

Azalia:...No, that’s not it...I’ve already accepted that you two are together. I’m not like the other girls. I won’t get between you two, despite how I feel about you.

Nathan: I’m sorry, for how this all ended up, how everything has changed. If only I... (Azalia interrupts him)

Azalia: Nothing has changed. I’m still your caretaker, I’m still there by your side watching over you, like I have always been. And I’m satisfied with that.

Nathan: Azalia, I... (Azalia puts her hand on his arm)

Azalia: You have someone else now. And her happiness is what matters now. My happiness is just being there for you. Now go. (Azalia gives Nathan a smile)

Nathan: Thank you, Azalia. (Nathan gets up and smiles at Azalia and leaves to go back inside the house. As Azalia sees Nathan enter the house, she turns around and starts to have a flashback of the conversation she had with Cayla when they first met in the park)

Cayla: Nathan is my Destined One, not yours....You know that you can’t have him

Azalia: I know Nathaniel is the one for me....He is supposed to be mine and I’m supposed to be his

Cayla: You know there’s nothing you can do....

(The flashback ends and as she remembers these words, Azalia tilts her head down and hides her face in her hands)

Azalia: Everything has changed...(She looks at the mark on her right hand)...Stupid mark!...It only reminds me of the pain of losing him to another. It’s the same thing all over again. Why...why...my heart can’t take it anymore. (She hides her face between her knees while wrapping her arms around her legs.)

(Jonathan sees Azalia hurting through the closed blinders of the window. Mrs. Yosef calls out to everyone that dinner is ready. Nathan decides to head outside and tell Azalia that dinner is ready, but Jonathan gestures him to the window)

Jonathan: Nathan, come over here.

Nathan: What is it, Jonathan?

Jonathan: Tell me what you see. (Nathan looks through the blinders of the window and sees Azalia crying in secret)

Nathan: What, but she...so something is bothering her. And I think I know why. (Nathan heads for the front door)

Jonathan: Wait, Nathan. Leave her alone for now.

Nathan: Why?

Jonathan: Let her deal with this on her own.

Nathan: How can I, she’s hurting right now.

Jonathan: If you go out there, you’ll only hurt her even more. (Jonathan reaches out to grab his arm, but Nathan slaps his hand away)

Nathan: WHAT DO YOU KNOW?... (Nathan grabs the door handle)

Jonathan:...Fine, go out there, but think about what you’re about to do. Think about how Cayla would feel.

Nathan: I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore...I don’t want her to cry because of me...(Nathan let’s go of the door handle) I never wanted all this to happen....I was a coward back then...And I’m a coward now....She deserves someone better than me.

Jonathan:...Come on, let’s go. Give her some time and she’ll be fine. (Both Jonathan and Nathan leave, however, Cayla had overheard both Nathan and Jonathan’s conversation. So, she decides to meet Azalia herself.)

Cayla: Hi Azalia.

Azalia: Cayla, what are you doing here?

Cayla: I know why you’re hurting.

Azalia: If you know why I’m hurting, then you also know that there’s nothing you can say to make me feel any better.

Cayla: No, I suppose not.

Azalia: Then there’s no reason for you to be here.

Cayla: There is...All the girls have been getting between me and Nathan, so I’ve been hurting as well.

Azalia: And you want me to sympathize, to feel sorry for you.

Cayla: No, I just wanted to thank you for staying true to your word, so far.

Azalia: Forgive me, sister, if that doesn’t make me feel any better. What else do you want?

Cayla: I don’t want you to feel sad anymore, so come meet me after everyone has gone to sleep.

Azalia: What for?

Cayla: Just come to my room. Come on, we have to go inside now. Mrs. Yosef is calling for us. Dinner is ready.

Azalia: Fine... (Azalia wipes away her tears and cleans her face) Ok! Let’s go

(Scene changes to everyone at the dinner table. After explaining their situation, Mrs. Yosef speaks)

Mrs. Yosef: So that’s how you ended up at the front door of my house. Well, I’m glad you’re all safe now.

Nathan: Thank you, Ma, for doing all of this for us.

Mrs. Yosef: It was nothing, my son. You’re all welcome to stay here for as long as you want.

Nathan: We don’t want to impose.

Mrs. Yosef: Nonsense. This is your home and anyone with you can make themselves feel at home here too. This family has been sheltering Fallen Ones for centuries, we’re not about to stop now.

Nathan: We appreciate it, Ma.

Mrs. Yosef: Alright now, I think we’ve talked enough. You can go to your rooms and have a good night’s rest. You all need it.

(Later that night, when all have fallen asleep and Dorothy has moved to another room, Azalia meets with Cayla)

Azalia: So what is it that you wanted to meet me in your room about?

Cayla: Come with me. (They go to Nathan’s room)

Azalia: What are we doing outside Nathan’s room?

Cayla: I remember you telling me, how you would stay awake at night while Nathan was asleep and you would give him a kiss.

Azalia: Yes, what about it?

Cayla: I’m letting you into Nathan’s room. He’s sound asleep. Do what you want with him, but when you come back out, I want you to leave behind your feelings for him. It would be best for you, me, and Nathan if you did.

Azalia: Sister, that’s too much for you to ask of me.

Cayla: Please, you must. I’m only asking you to say goodbye’s to your feelings for him, not that you leave him. (Azalia reluctantly agrees and enters Nathan’s room as Cayla gently leans back against the wall. Azalia quietly closes the door behind her and goes around Nathan’s bed and sits on the bed right next to him)

Azalia whispers: One last time...and...(She moves close to Nathan and brings her head down to kiss him on the lips.) It will be over between you and me. (As she kisses him she says in her mind: Right now, this moment...I never want this to be over)(She lets out a tear as she continues to kiss him)

(Azalia finally ends the kiss, but continues to stare at Nathan as he sleeps. Suddenly, Nathan begins to speak while he’s asleep.)

Nathan: Azalia... (Azalia thinks she’s been caught, but sees that Nathan still has his eyes closed.)

Azalia whispers: Nathan!

Nathan: I’m sorry...for hurting you...I’m sorry...for making you cry. (Azalia ponders, “is he talking in his sleep? Wait a minute....”)

Azalia whispers: You saw me crying outside?

Nathan: I’m...such a coward...I’m such a coward.

Azalia whispers: No...No you’re not.

Nathan: I should have told you back then...and I should have told you now that...that...

Azalia whispers: No...

Nathan: I...love you.

Azalia whispers: Please, don’t say it... (She puts her hand on her mouth to hold in her lamenting voice.)

Nathan: Azalia, I love you.

Azalia says in her mind: No...(Her tears fall on Nathan’s face and she says in her mind: My heart...)

(Scene changes to outside Nathan’s room, where Cayla is leaning on the wall waiting for Azalia. Azalia then opens the door and comes out)

Azalia: It’s done. You won’t get any troubles from me.

Cayla: Thank you, sister.

Azalia: Don’t thank me. I didn’t do it for you. Nor am I feeling any better. But, at least I got to kiss him one last time. I’m leaving now. Goodnight, sister. (She leaves to go to her room)

Cayla: Goodnight. (Cayla sees that Azalia is visibly more troubled than when she entered Nathan’s room. Relieved that it’s over, Cayla enters Nathan’s room and lays in bed next to him. She gives a curious look as she sees tear lines on Nathan’s face. Nathan wakes up and sees Cayla laying in bed next to him and staring at him.)

Nathan: Cayla!?

Cayla: Hey, my love. Why do you have tear lines on your face?

Nathan: I...I don’t know.

Cayla: Come here. (Cayla brings Nathan close to her and Nathan sleeps putting his head on her shoulder. Cayla has a worried face as if she knows why Nathan had tear lines on his face. They both go to sleep embracing each other.)

(Scene changes to the mysterious white robed woman watching over the Yosef Estate)

Mysterious woman: Stay strong Nathan, for both you and my sisters. Your troubles are not over yet.

To be continued......