My Manga Story Called "The Fallen Rise"

[FreddyCast]

My manga story will, for the first volume, be Christian themed (Angels/Demons, God, Salvation, Nephilim, etc.), without really getting into any Christian moral lessons/beliefs, at least not yet. My first volume will be about establishing the characters and who they are, and the world of "The Fallen Rise".
And I'll say this now, I went into this totally not knowing what I was doing at first, since I'm not a manga writer, nor do I have any experience in fictional writing (Although I have had experience in writing theological sermons/essays/apologetics). But as of this moment I have finished what I believe to be the script of the first volume of my Manga Story which contains 18 chapters (And boy did it give me joy when I wrote this story).
Admittedly this type of story might not interest some people and it might even drive some away, depending on how sensitive a person is to certain intense situations. For example, this story will be a harem themed story (but it will break the trend of harem mangas by viewing it in a negative way and it will be one in which the main character is forced into such a situation. And yes I admit, this is because I have watched many "harem" animes and mangas, most of which were so awful it was plain ridiculous, however I'm hoping to portray the harem genre in a more realistic manner, something which no anime/manga has ever done. Some might disagree with me on this) And since it is a harem themed story, this also entails that it is a Romance themed story. In fact, the story is heavily romance driven.
It will also contain violent scenes since it will be an action/battle story as well (my vision is of having the most epic and realistic fight scenes with minimal blood/gore, although there will be a few scenes where things do get pretty violent) However, I'm glad at what i have written. And I'm hoping to make it better by collaborating with other writers and manga artists on my vision. So let's get started on the story.

(Without going into too much detail) My Story is about a 24 year old male protagonist named Nathan Cross. (He won't be some uber powered super hero who wins every single battla he's in, nor will he be some wimpy person who can't do anything and yet somehow gets the girl of his dreams who falls in love with him for no apparent reason. I want to break from that trend that most animes and mangas do) He is a normal person whose had a rough past and has no direction in his life because of the things he's gone through. He's a very abled person and can defend himself quite well. He meets Cayla, a girl from his past who he fell in love and had a romantic relioanship before she disappeared on him. Cayla is being chased by an assassin who is trying to capture her. In this encounter Nathan realizes Cayla is more than what she appears to be. He finds out, after having escaped a life and death situation, that Cayla is a "Fallen One", a former Fallen Angel who was transformed into an immortal human. She reveals to him her past, about the story of 200 Angels who fell from Heaven for lusting after the daughters of man, but another group of 200 angels who were to be the helpers of the first 200 Angels also fell, but through deception. Now these 200 Fallen Angels are trying to gain salvation by being adopted into Adam's Family, where salvation is attained through the Messiah. And the only way they can be adopted into Adam's Family is by falling in love with their "Destined One", a man or woman of faith whose been chosen by God to be their soulmates. After defating the children of the first 200 Fallen Angels, the Nephilim, these "Fallen Ones" are transformed by God into immortal humans and given a mark on their right hand to seal their angelic powers, which can only be released by finding their "Destined Ones". (There's more to all this in my script)
After Cayla explains to Nathan about her people's past, they go off running from place to place trying to escape from assassins and enemies that are after the Fallen One's power for their own evil purposes. Along the way, Nathan meets his past love interests, whom he thought either left him or died. And now, Nathan is troubled as to who he truly loves as he is in constant danger for being a Destined One to various Fallen Ones, which is impossible since a Destined One can only have one Fallen One.

I think this is a good summary of what I am doing in my story. Of course I have not gone through all of the main characters and villains. Suffice it to say that, including Nathan and Cayla, there are six other main female characters, Four main villains, and various other supporting characters, none of which are ignored. And those that are left out will have their stories fleshed out in the second volume. Also, since this story's cast has 7 main female characters, I have tried to portray each girl as independent and strong characters with their own personalities (something that has been hard to do for me, since I'm a man and not a woman, which is why I very much would like to have a woman's perspective, if there is any female who would like to collab or contribute to my story, in fact I'd say this is a necessity since I am writing a romance/action story). Again, my story is heavily Christian themed, but it has not yet gone into any Christian moral lessons/beliefs in depth (except for some Judeo-Christian legend stories such as the book of Enoch and the fall of the Angels), although I plan on incorporating those in the near future.
So, yes, this is my manga story, I'll e-mail you a link to my manga script (if you can call it a script, since I don't know how a script should look like, but my script is 100 pages long and I don't plan on stopping) if you are interested in reading my script or collabing with me. I'll accept any writers to help me out on writing my story better, since I want it to be emotionally gripping and logically sound (no plot holes), but I am looking for a manga artist to help me make my manga story come to life. I provide the writing content, but you'll provide the visual content. I will give you guidelines that you must follow, such as Absolutely no fan service, no sexual content, no nudity unless it's necessary to the plot of the story and even then no private parts must be shown, etc. And I'll also provide my input on what I want the viewers to see, but you'll have free rein over how the world of "The Fallen Rise" looks like. I believe it will be fun for the manga artist, since the world of the "Fallen Rise" encompasses/will encompass the entire world. The locations that have already been described in my manga story include certain cities of America, including El Dorado, Tx and the big apple New York, as well as the beautiful city of Jerusalem and the landscape of Guatemala, and various other coastal locations.
Anyways, I think that's all I wanted to say. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.

[FreddyCast]

Hey guys, I just did a youtube video about my manga story "The Fallen Rise". It's similar to what I've written on my first post, but it's a bit different. Anyways if you'd like to check it out click right here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2ihePUeOtQ
Enjoy, my friends.

[FreddyCast]

Hey friends, I want to try to experiment a bit and see what you guys think of my story. I've decided to reveal the first chapter of my manga story. Please read my script and tell me what you guys think of it, whether you liked it or disliked it, whether I should make any changes or improvements. Any praise or criticism is welcomed. The input you give will help me to write my story better. It will also help me to decide whether I should post my other chapters or not. Since I have already finished my first volume (18 chapters), I am already working on my second volume and your feeback is very much appreciated. So enjoy the first chapter of "The Fallen Rise".

EDIT: ADDED A FEW MORE LINES AND A FEW MORE SCENES. REVISION IS INCOMPLETE. 3/19/13

The Fallen Rise

Chapter 1- The Meeting of the Destined One and the Fallen One

Setting: view of the Gulf of Mexico and the sky in an American coastal city during the Afternoon.
The Main protagonist, Nathan Cross, is a 24 years old male who recently graduated from college, yet because of his troubled past, he has no real direction in his life. He has just finished his temp job for the day and is going to his car. As he enters and starts his car he puts on some metal core music (Oh Sleeper- Endseekers) on his radio. As he drives off we see a view of the inside of his car as well as a view of the city with vague intervening flashback scenes of armies approaching a group of female and male warriors doing battle. In the distance a storm is approaching.

We move on to see him arrive at his small house.

(A mysterious woman dressed in a white robe and hood hiding her face looks down at Nathan through a portal-like mirror)

Mysterious woman: Is this the man you were speaking of Father? Is he the one that will bring back my dead brethren?

(As Nathan walks towards the front door of his house he has a serious yet upset face. With a sad face he looks at a carving next to the front door saying “I’ll miss you Aunt Anna and Uncle Peter”. As he enters the house he turns on the television with a program about whether angels and demons exist. He sits down on his small couch and watches the program for a while)

TV: Mankind has always felt that it was not alone. Whether it be messengers of God, or demonic presences in the dark places. Mankind has strived to understand the world beyond our own.

Nathan: Alone, huh! It pretty much describes me. (Nathan changes the channel to Rox News)(The Reporter say: We are still reporting over this multiple car crash event in this race car event held here in Texas. Shaun Hanes will be there soon live and talk with one of the survivors of this terrible disaster)

Nathan: I don’t get it God, why has my life been one disaster after another, and then suddenly it turns into one boring and lonely life. Father, what have I done to deserve what I went through in my entire teenage life. And immediately as I entered adulthood, it’s been 7 years of study and work. (He looks at his Bachelor’s degree in Philosophy and Theology mounted on a wall) And for what? I have no direction in life anymore.

(This is Shaun Hanes reporting live and we’re with one of the race drivers involved in this horrible crash. Tell me sir, how do you feel right now?)(Race Car Driver: I just feel relieved that no one I cared about was hurt. All these guys involved in this accident are very close friends of mine)

Nathan: Everyone I cared for is either gone or somewhere else I don’t even know. *sigh* I wish I was still a little kid. At least then I had a peaceful life with my friends and family. I know I should have made new friends, but I...I just can’t anymore. I’m afraid...I’m afraid once I have them that...I’ll lose them. Like I lost my family and loved ones.

(Race Car Driver: I guess guardian angels were looking out for us today.)

Nathan: Father, where’s my angel when I need one? I’m all alone.

(Nathan hides his face in his hands, but feels something in his pocket. he digs into his right pocket. He takes out a necklace with a unique-looking cross. He turns the cross around to see words engraved on the back “Yours forever”.)

(Nathan has a blurred vision of his past when he used to be 17 years old and he sees a beautiful woman in front of him making him a promise to be his forever, and the woman hands him the necklace as a symbol of that promise. Nathan then wakes up from his vision and looks at the cross again.)

Nathan: Where are you, Cayla?....ahh (he gets a bit irritated and turns off the TV)....I’m taking a bath.

(The scene changes to a woman sitting on top of a skyscraper pondering over someone she is searching, as she puts her right hand in front of her face revealing a strange mark on her right hand. She has shining brown hair and bright amber eyes with a face that's both innocent, yet fierce)

Unknown woman (Cayla): Where are you, Nathan? It’s been so long, my love. Where did you go? (She takes out a photo of Nathan and her at a race car event and reflects back to that time)

(Both she and Nathan are standing from the audience seats and watching the end of the race)

Cayla screams in joy: Yes, yes, yes! WOOOHOOOO. I won, I won, Nathan. Look, Car 77 won the race.

Nathan: Alright, alright, you beat me fair and square. My car, #47, came in third. Oh well, that was fun to watch.

Cayla: So what did I win Nathan? Tell me, tell me, tell me.

Nathan: Ok, Ok. This is what you won. (Nathan takes out a camera and grabs a hold of Cayla) Say cheeeeese.

Cayla says disappointingly: A picture!? (Nathan takes the picture with him smiling while embracing a frowning Cayla) You said it was going to be something special.
Nathan says cheerfully: Hahahaha. Fine, this is your real present. (Nathan takes out a box) Here, go on, take it. (Cayla takes it and opens it, revealing a bracelet. It has both metal and 24k gold beads, with a small silver cross hanging from it. On the back of the cross is engraved Col. 3:14)

Cayla: Oh Nathan, do you really mean that.

Nathan: Well I, uhh. (Cayla kisses Nathan on the cheek and Nathan smiles looking at her, glad that she loved the present)

Cayla: Thank you so much, Nathan. I’ll wear this always. (She puts it on her right wrist)

(Back to the present, Cayla is looking at the bracelet Nathan gave her)

Then from behind, a stranger says: I found you. This time you won’t escape from me, Fallen One.

(The stranger is dressed in all black and looks like a cyborg with a black mask/helmet covering his face. He carries with him a Ninjato (Ninja sword) on one hand and an electrocuting device strapped to his left arm. The woman turns around to look at the stranger and immediately jumps off the building and lands on the roof of a nearby building with superhuman strength. She begins to run at great speed to try and escape from the enemy. However, the enemy is also able to keep up with her because of his cyborg-like abilities.

Cayla says in her mind: How? How did he find me? I was sure to leave no trail for him to follow.

The enemy says: How about we end this game of cat and mouse. This chase has gone long enough, don’t you think.

(We then see rapidly interchanging scenes of Nathan taking a bath and the unknown woman attempting to escape the masked cyborg enemy (parkcore style))

(Finally, as Nathan is getting out of the bath wearing his pants and an unbuttoned T-shirt exposing his upper body and the necklace around his neck, the woman unexpectedly jumps and breaks through the window and crashes into Nathan much to his surprise. As Nathan lays on the floor dazed and confused he sees the woman on top of him and is in disbelief at what he sees.)

Nathan: I...It’s you.

Cayla: What? No it can’t be.

She looks at Nathan to make sure it’s him, and as she sees the cross on his neck, she shouts out in joy and grabs Nathan to hug him: It is, I finally found you my love.
However, the enemy arrives and makes fun of them: Ahh...how touching, so sad that your little reunion will have to end now.

Cayla then gets up and takes her stand, ready to fight, and says: NO!! I’ve finally found my love and I won’t give up after searching for him for so long.
The enemy says: Your love? (He laughs at her and takes his position ready to fight as well) Well then, I’ll enjoy making him see you suffer.

(During the fight Nathan watches the whole scene and thinks that it’s unreal and that it must be a dream. He witnesses Cayla show amazing skill in hand to hand combat. She manages to catch the enemies Ninjato with her two hands and with incredible strength breaks it in two. However, the enemy gets in a shot and electrocutes her with his left palm. She quickly counterattacks and breaks the electrocuting device attached on to his left arm, which leaves the enemy with nothing but is bare hands. Yet, because Cayla was weakened by the electric attack, the enemy was able to counterattack with a devastating blow to the abdomen, leaving her breathless and falls back collapsing against the wall.)

The Enemy: Hah, is that all you have in you, Fallen One. (He addresses Nathan) That’s a nice face you got there, boy. Does it terrify you seeing your girlfriend injured and helpless?

Nathan, horrified by what he sees, immediately gets up and takes his stand putting himself in front of Cayla, saying: STOP IT!! I won’t let you touch her again.

Cayla tries to let out a few words: Don’t...please... just... run away.

Nathan refuses, says: Never, I’ll die before I let him lay a finger on you.

Nathan says in his mind: it’s been years since I fought, I hope I can remember what my master taught me about Krav Maga.

The Enemy: Well, well, you have some guts, kid, but this is none of you concern, now get out of my way.

Nathan: In your dreams pal, this is do or die. Now leave before I make you leave.

The Enemy: HAHAHAHA...Tough talk, eh? I like your enthusiasm kid. Alright then, I’ll make this fair for you, we fight with our bodies, just like real men. Deal?

A fight ensues between Nathan and the enemy, and while Nathan is able to show great skill, he cannot beat him because of the enemy’s cyborg strength. The enemy knocks him down, and in desperation, Nathan uses a very solid and heavy object to knock the enemy down. He then quickly grabs and carries Cayla out of the house and tries to figure out in which direction the police station is. He takes a short cut through the alley ways.

The enemy regains his footing and says: Bad move kid, you used a weapon. Now it’s time to get serious.

The enemy chases after them and quickly catches up. Nathan, knowing that he can’t outrun him, decides to make a last stand. He lays Cayla down next to a fence.

Cayla protests: No, don’t fight him, just leave me. I don’t want you to die.

Nathan: I already told you I won’t let him hurt you ever again. I’m never losing another loved one again. And didn’t you say that you wouldn’t give up. If you want me to live, then fight with me. I need you.

The enemy: Enough of this. It’s pointless running away from me.

Nathan: I’m not running anymore. Come On.

The enemy: HAHAHA...That’s more like it.

(Nathan gives it his all, but he is badly beaten and the enemy takes out a knife he had hidden on his body and stabs Nathan in the stomach, but not before Nathan breaks through the helmet mask and gouaches his right eye . He then forcefully pushes Nathan back and falls against the fence next to Cayla while the enemy angrily groans in pain over losing his right eye and struggling to gain his footing.)

Cayla screams: NATHAN.

Cayla crawls towards Nathan and sits in front of him touching his face with her hand and covering his stomach wound with her other hand. She says: You’re going to be alright, I’m here now.

Nathan: I’m sorry, I couldn’t beat him....I’m glad I got to meet you again. You’re as beautiful as I remember.

Cayla: No, please don’t talk.

Nathan: Cayla...

Cayla: You remembered my name.

Nathan: I have to say this before it’s too late. I never got the courage to say it back then.

Cayla: Please save your strength, don’t speak.

Nathan:....I...always...loved…you. And I still do.

(Cayla begins to flow tears from her eyes.)

Cayla: And I love you, Nathan. Please, Nathan, stay with me. It’s not over yet. Because....you’re my Destined One. If you die then I die with you.
(Cayla then proceeds to passionately kiss Nathan, and Nathan with the last bit of his strength proceeds to put his arms around Cayla.)
LINK

Then, Cayla begins to shine brightly and wings start to slowly come out of her back. As the wings spread quickly to full size Cayla then starts to glow with light and power and the mark on her right hand disappears.

Cayla ends the kiss and says to Nathan: I’m ending this now.

(She then proceeds to rise up into the air and face the enemy.)

Cayla threatens the enemy saying: I won’t let you hurt Nathan anymore. You will pay for what you’ve done to us.

(Nathan looks at Cayla with confusion and wonder as he begins to have a flashback of a figure similar to Cayla, but with black wings and red hair. As Nathan’s flashback ends, Cayla then flies at great speed towards the enemy and tackles him, sending him flying back and rolling on the ground with tremendous force. With his cyborg-like body seriously damaged, he starts to show fear and is in disbelief that Cayla has awakened her powers)

The enemy says: No, this can’t be. How did she awaken her powers? It’s no good; I can’t fight her like this.

(The enemy decides to retreat and run away. Cayla intends to not allow him to escape, but Nathan was able to whisper out a few last words: No Cayla, let him go.)

Cayla, with her senses heightened, is able to hear Nathan’s words and agrees to let the enemy go. She then rushes back to Nathan’s side and returns back to normal form. It’s Evening and it begins to rain.

Cayla: Nathan, please hold on. Stay with me my love. I’ll make you better.

As Nathan’s eyes gradually close, he can still hear Cayla’s voice calling out his name.

Nathan loses consciousness and begins to dream about the past and his relationship with Cayla.

(In the Dream, Nathan is 17 years old and living on a Farm in Texas. Nathan is outside on the porch taking in the beautiful scene of the fields on a bright day. He then here’s rustling in the field and goes to check it out.)

Nathan: Hello, is anyone there? (The rustling gets louder until Cayla comes out staggering in front of Nathan and falling to her hand and knees) Are you ok? Can I help you.

Cayla says in her mind: What’s this feeling? (She looks up and sees Nathan, revealing to him her bruises and cuts on her face and body)

Nathan: Oh man, what happened to you? Please, let me help you.

Cayla says in her mind: It is him. He’s the one. (Nathan kneels down and tries to touch her, but she grabs his hand)

Cayla: No, stop.

Nathan: But, I only want to help you. (Cayla lets go of his hand) Who did this to you? (Cayla doesn’t say a word) Come on. Let me take you to the farm and fix you up, then we’ll call the police and....

Cayla: NO, DON’T DO THAT....please (Cayla tries to get up, but she can’t)

Nathan: Alright, I won’t. Just let me carry you, you look injured and you can barely move. (Nathan moves forward and Cayla shies away from him.) It’s alright, I’m not gonna hurt you, and I won’t let anyone hurt you again, I promise. (Cayla, comforted by his words, let’s Nathan carry her to the Farm)

Nathan: By the way, my name’s Nathan. Can I ask what’s yours?

Cayla: My name is.....Cayla.
Nathan: Cayla, I like that name. Cayla! It’s a wonderful name. I’ll patch up your wounds and I’ll see if my Aunt and Uncle will let you stay at the Farm. And don’t worry. You don’t need to tell me what happened to you. You can tell me when you’re ready.

Cayla: Thank you, Nathan.

Nathan: No problem. It’s my pleasure. (Cayla hugs Nathan tightly)

Nathan says in his mind: She’s holding on to me tightly. She must have been really scared over what happened to her. You’re safe now)

(Nathan gives her shelter at the Farm and his uncle and aunt allows her to stay on the Farm. Nathan and Cayla then become close friends doing everything together, helping around the Farm, going out together to Nascar events, sports events, watching TV and movies together, challenging each other competively out in the fields, and having personal conversations. One day out in the field Nathan and Cayla walk together holding hands and Nathan says)

Nathan: You’re such a competitive person, aren’t you? I keep working out a sweat. But, I guess you keep me healthy and fit with all these things that we do together. Thanks, Cayla, for coming into my life.

Cayla: It’s me who should thank you. I’ve had more joy and happiness with you these past few months, then I had for thousands of years? (Cayla realizes she said something she wasn’t supposed to say)

Nathan: Thousands of years? (Nathan thinks Cayla is exaggerating) Hahaha...That’s a long time for a young woman like you. I thank God you haven’t lost your beauty in all that time. Hahaha.

Cayla: Nathan. I know this is sudden, but...you and I are meant for each other. I know you have feelings for me, the same feelings I have for you. I want to hear you say it. (Nathan is surprised and feels unprepared)

Nathan: Say what?, I..uhh...I like you.

Cayla: No, say that you love me.

Nathan: I...can’t. (Nathan stays silent)

Cayla: Do you even love me? (Nathan stops and looks at Cayla with a smile and holds both her hands) Then say it, please.

Nathan: Give me time, I’ll tell you what I truly feel about you, but not now.

Cayla: Is your past still troubling you? Why won’t you tell me? Hmmm...At least I know you feel the same way I feel about you. I’ll be waiting for you then.

Nathan blushes and says: Thank you, Cayla. Let’s go now. My Aunt wants us to get something from the store.

Cayla: Ok! First one to the store wins.

Nathan: What, again? Cayla! Waaiiiit. I’m still trying to recover from our last race.

Cayla: Come on, ya slow poke. I’m already ahead of you. Keep up. (She laughs cheerfully)

Nathan: You don’t even know where the store is. Caylaaa! (Nathan says in his mind: God, I love her, but she is gonna be the death of me)

(The next day Cayla called Nathan out in the field and she presented to him a necklace with the engraved cross. There she promised him that she would return and make him her Destined One and that once she made him her Destined One, she would be his forever. As Nathan is looking down at the necklace Cayla disappears within the field and Nathan lifts up his head to see that she is gone.)

Nathan: Cayla...Cayla...CAYLA! No...don’t go. (Nathan drops to his knees and a tear drops from his face. Nathan quietly says) I love you...Cayla.

[AdriTan]

Very passionate piece of writing, there! I find myself intrigued with the story. Also, the style and sense of setting is vivid and draws the reader not only to the story but also details. I also have to say the colors in the artwork above certainly to a beautiful job of portraying that vividness. I hope whoever your artist is can portray it also.

I would love to see more, however, you might think of putting this thread in the writing section of our forum. I'm not a mod, and this is also a good place to put it, but you'll get more readers I think by placing it in that section. :3

[FreddyCast]

Very passionate piece of writing, there! I find myself intrigued with the story. Also, the style and sense of setting is vivid and draws the reader not only to the story but also details. I also have to say the colors in the artwork above certainly to a beautiful job of portraying that vividness. I hope whoever your artist is can portray it also.

I would love to see more, however, you might think of putting this thread in the writing section of our forum. I'm not a mod, and this is also a good place to put it, but you'll get more readers I think by placing it in that section. :3

Thanks, AdriTan. I'm glad you liked the first chapter of my story. I do plan on posting the second chapter soon.
And I do want more people to read my story. The more exposure it gets, the more likely someone will want to collab with me. However, since I am new to this community, I don't really know how to move this thread to the writing section. Should I just make a thread there too? I don't think I'm allowed to make two threads that are the same. Anyways, thanks for being the first to comment, I was wondering where everybody was.lol

[mechana2015]

We can just move it.

[FreddyCast]

We can just move it.

Thanks so much, mechana. I was a bit worried that my thread had disappeared, but thanks for moving it here. Hopefully, more readers can enjoy the story.

Alright so I've decided to reveal the second chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. Please feel free to comment about it. Praise and Criticism is welcomed.

EDIT: ADDED ONE LINE. REVISION IS INCOMPLETE. 3/19/13

Chapter 2- Origin of the Fallen Ones (Samyaza) pt.1

We return to Nathan’s home where we see that the broken window has been covered by a blanket and it is still raining outside. We can hear someone crying in Nathan’s room. Nathan slowly opens his eyes to hear someone quietly sobbing next to him. To his surprise he sees Cayla laying in bed with him on his right side. Still weak from his dangerous encounter with the cyborg assassin, he asks Cayla: Please, stop crying.

Cayla opens her eyes and lifts her head to see Nathan awake. She sits up and responds with great joy: Nathan, you’re ok. For a minute there I thought I would lose you from going through such a stressful experience. I healed your wounds including the stab wound to your stomach.

Nathan: What? (He removes the blanket covering his body and checks his stomach and sees that his stomach wound is completely gone.)

Nathan: You’re right! I don´t feel it anymore, but how did you do it?

Cayla explains with a smile on her face: It’s because you’re my Destined One. As my Destined One I can heal any wounds you receive by embracing you and transferring my energy to you. But it takes some time for me to heal you.

Nathan: How long have I been out?

Cayla: it’s been 16 hours, but it only took me 1 hour to heal you completely. So I was really worried that you would never wake up. If you died, I would have been glad to die with you here in your bed embracing you my love, but it’s a good thing that didn’t happen.

Nathan: Wait, what? You would have been glad to die with me if I died? You mean you would have committed suicide.

Cayla: No!!! I would never do such an abhorrent thing.

Nathan: Then what did you mean?

Cayla: I meant if my Destined One died, then I would have died as well because my life is now linked to you. In other words, once I have chosen my Destined One, my life is now dependent on your survival. So, I must protect you at all costs if I’m to survive as well. And isn’t it only natural for loved ones to protect each other? I believe so.

Nathan: So back in the alley when you said “If you die then I die with you”. You literally meant it. I’m sorry for putting you in such danger.

Cayla: Don’t be. I chose you. I wanted you and no one else. And now I have you. So believe me when I say that I will protect you with my life.

Nathan: Then….I’ll make sure to protect you Cayla. I won’t lose you to anyone. So believe me as well.

Cayla: I do.
(Both Nathan and Cayla look into each others’ eyes with passion and kiss each other.)
LINK
(However, as Nathan embraces her and feels her back, he remembers about Cayla’s wings.)

Nathan pulls Cayla back and says: No! Wait a minute Cayla, tell me…just who or what are you really? I saw wings come out from your back earlier in the alley.

Cayla: Oh…I forgot about that. But…

Nathan: Please tell me, Cayla. You said I was your Destined One, whatever that means. So I should at least know who you are and why I’m your Destined One.

Cayla: Alright!....They call me a Fallen One. And I’m not the only one out there. If you want to know about me, then you must know about Earth’s past. You’ve read the Bible right?

Nathan: Huh? Of course, I’m a believer after all.

Cayla: Then what I’m about to tell you may sound familiar, but the Bible only gives a fraction of the story.

“It began with the Creation of the universe and God’s angels. When God had finished his Creation, all the Angels rejoiced, but one angel, the brightest of us all, had allowed himself to be corrupted. This Angel, the one who used to be called the Light Bearer, Lucifer, had chosen of his own will to go against God and declare himself God. He was able to persuade many angels to follow him by their own will. Yet, God could not allow such corruption to be in His Presence. So he sent His holy angels against Lucifer and his angels. Lucifer and his minions were thrown from God’s presence onto the Earth. These angels were called fallen angels and demons. However, Lucifer’s rebellion wasn’t the only rebellion in heaven. While mankind was growing in number, God had decided to send 200 angels to go and teach mankind the righteous ways of God. So, God had given them the power to become humans in order that they may be able to communicate with mankind. But Lucifer was planning to get rid of mankind and decided to visit these 200 angels, whom God had appointed as Watchers. He went above all the stars towards the North where all Angels, both Holy and Fallen, would congregate, and had convinced them to rebel by their own will.”

(Scene changes to the place of the Congregation of Angels in the Northern most part of the universe. Lucifer arrives to meet Shemyael, a chief angel in the heavenly host of God)

Shemyael says in a serious tone: What are you doing here Lucifer?

Lucifer: I came here for you, brother.

Shemyael: Brother? We once were brothers, but you turned your back on me. You turned your back on God.

Lucifer: Shemyael! Ah yes, the one who bears God’s name. That is who you are. Just like I bore God’s light. MY LIGHT!

Shemyael: Careful, Ancient Serpent, you may be allowed in here, but only by God’s grace. Now state your business here.

Lucifer: I did turn against God, but not against my kind. Your brother, Michael, is the one who turned his back on us. I did not betray my kind. I merely stood up against God’s injustice.

Shemyael: Enough! I know your tricks Evil One. Injustice? Since when have you ever stood up for Justice, murderer? Again, I ask you, what is your business with me?

Lucifer: Ha! I’ll get to it then. I heard your God is sending you and your host to the Earth as humans in order to teach Mankind the ways of God. But I see your heart, brother. Your eyes are fixated on something else. You have eyes for the beauty of the daughters of men. Why then, are you hiding your desire, brother?

Shemyael: We are not brothers.

Lucifer: But we can be brothers once again. And I see that the others under your command share your interest. Stop denying what is only natural. You are human after all...or you will be. (Shemyael looks at Lucifer with frustrated, but wavering eyes as their conversation continues for hours. Michael, however, is in God’s Presence overlooking both Lucifer and Shemyael from far away)

Michael: Father יהוה, Shemyael has feelings of doubt, and those under him are wavering as well. Please send me to get rid of Shemyael’s doubts and restore the congregation from the blight of Lucifer.

God: No, my son. Instead, tell Shemyael he shall no longer be called “The bearer of my Name”. From now on, he is Shemyazaz, for his name is Arrogance. And he shall lead an infamous rebellion.

(Cayla narrates again)

The Watchers fell because they lusted after the daughters of man, seeing how beautiful they were. The leader of the Watchers appointed by God was Samyaza, who made a pact with the Watchers to agree to carry out their plans to fornicate with mortal women. But the Watchers weren’t the only angels that fell. God had also appointed Helpers for each of the 200 Watchers. Those angels were US, the Fallen Ones. We were not given the ability to become humans, and so we did not fall from the same sin. We instead were deceived into sinning. So we fell out of trickery, and not of our own will. We Fallen Ones did not know of the Watchers’ plans to rebel against God. And so we unknowingly helped them to destroy Adam’s human race. These 200 fallen angels became humans and married the daughters of man, who then gave birth to Giants. The Nephilim, as the Scriptures call them. These Giants were genetically manipulated beings who had artificially cloned spirits, and not human souls. These clone spirits were made in the image of the Fallen Angels that gave birth to them. The Giants, which could grow to be 36 feet tall, were meant to replace the human race and thereby destroy the lineage of the Messiah. We Fallen Ones were ordered to end any and all relationships between couples who had not yet consummated their marriage by possessing the bodies of men and women and breaking them up, under the belief that marriage would hinder the humans’ path to righteousness.

(Scene changes to the Helpers of the Watchers. The Helpers are standing together pondering over the order they were given by Samyaza. Their faces are not shown)

Cayla (whose real angelic name is unknown) says: Lee El, brother, what are these orders that Shemyael gave us? I don’t understand. Are we here to help the Watchers teach our Father’s ways?

Lee El: Yes, sister.

Cayla: Then why are we ordered to do these things. Is this what our Father wants us to do?

Lee El: I don’t know, but our Father appointed him as our leader. And what he commands are our Father’s commands.

Cayla: But...are they really His commands or Shemyael’s commands?

Lee El: We shall see. But if there is something wrong about his orders, then the blame will be on us.

Cayla: All the more reason to question these orders.

Amiel: Enough of this dissension. Shemyael bears our Father’s name. There is no reason to doubt his commands.

Cayla says in her mind as she looks up at the sky: But Lucifer bore our Father’s light and he fell...Father, why can we not return to Heaven and ask you about this matter ourselves.

(Scene changes to Samyaza in a mansion on a balcony holding his hand-made spear and overlooking a great ancient civilization. He’s in his human form. He senses the Helpers’ doubts about his commands)

Samyaza: They are mumbling amongst themselves, but they won’t lift a finger, they have too much loyalty to me to go against my orders. (A light begins to shine brightly in front of Samyaza. Michael appears to him)

Samyaza: Brother, what word do you have from our Father?

Michael: Shemyael, this is the last time I will call you by that name. In fact, from now on, no one will ever call you by that name ever again. Your heart is corrupted and you cannot hide your evil ways from Father יהוה. From now on, your name is Shemyazaz, for your arrogance has swept away your brothers and sisters under your command and has deceived the Helpers, who even now struggle to follow your orders.

Samyaza’s anger swells after hearing this and says: Is this what you came here to tell me...brother? (Michael looks at Samyaza with a sad, but firm face. Then Michael turns around to leave)

Samyaza: Have you come to turn your back on me as well, MICHAEL? (Michael stops but does not turn to look at Samyaza)

Michael: You are akin to Lucifer. You finally have your brother back, but you no longer have a Father. You’ve turned your back against your Father, so He has turned his back against you.

(In a flashback, Samyaza remembers what Michael said to Lucifer, “The Lord rebukes you Satan. You have lifted your hand against your Creator, so now He lifts His hand against you.”)

(Samyaza starts to breathe heavily in anger and screams: AHHHHHHHHHHRRR)( He picks up his spear and throws it at Michael, but it passes right through him.)

Michael: Goodbye...I loved you brother. (Michael disappears)

Samyaza: MICHAAAAAAAEL!!!

(Cayla narrates again)

When we followed Samyaza’s orders, when we committed these terrible actions, we felt the pain and heartbreaks that we caused. We had unwittingly destroyed lives and gave the 200 fallen angels more women for them to violate and give birth to more giants.

This was our crime. This was our Fall from Heaven.

[FreddyCast]

Hey Friends, I was recently moved to reveal my third chapter. I won't say what it was. But I think someone out there knows. Anyways, this third chapter will be more of an info. chapter rather than a dialogue-run chapter. There's still dialogue, just not that much. Of course, the info revealed here is merely a fraction of the History of the world of "The Fallen Rise". And say goodbye to Samyaza, at least for the first volume. Again, please leave comments for any of the three chapters I posted. Remember, Praise and Criticism is welcomed, as well as any questions about the story. I don't know if I'll be able to answer them since I don't want to spoil the story more than these three chapters have already done. Enjoy my Friends.

Chapter 3- The Origin of the Fallen Ones (God’s Answer) pt.2

EDIT: ADDED ONE EXTRA SCENE. REVISION IS INCOMPLETE. 3/19/13

Cayla is still explaining to Nathan about the Fallen Ones’ origins: “Once we Fallen Ones realized our mistake we separated ourselves from the 200 Watchers and banded together.”

(Scene changes to Cayla speaking with her comrades)

Cayla: Brother, what have we done? Our Father’s Grace has left us and we’ve been banned from His Presence. We can’t go back home to Heaven.

Lee El: Do not worry, sister, Shemyazaz will pay for his Deception against us and his Treachery against God.

Cayla: Shemyazaz?

Lee El: You’ve noticed haven’t you? His former name can longer be uttered in our mouths. Our Father has taken away Shemyazaz’s former name forever and no one in all Creation will ever refer to him by that name again. This is proof enough that he has followed in the footsteps of that Great Ancient Serpent and has fallen from his position on high.

Cayla: We can no longer have any dealings with that traitor. But, brother, what do we do now? We have to go back home, we don’t belong here.

Lee El: Yes we do, sister, we belong here now. And we will do as Father originally told us to do when he first created Adam and Eve. We will serve humanity.

Cayla: But what about our home? We can’t just give up and accept this fate.

Amiel: I’m sorry you two, I should have known better. There was only One we should have trusted in. And we disobeyed Him.

Lee El: Do not trouble yourself, sisters. You’re not alone in your mistake. The blame ultimately rests with me, for if I had spoken out, this would not have happened. (Lee El ponders deeply)

Lee El addresses all his brethren: Come brothers and sisters, there might be a way for us to be redeemed.

(Scene changes to Samyaza on top of a hill overlooking a great lake and pondering about what he has done. A fallen angel in human form comes walking towards Samyaza from behind)

Azazel: So this is where you were...Lord Shemyazaz?

Samyaza: DO NOT CALL ME BY THAT NAME!!! My name is Samyaza.

Azazel: Ha! Alright, Lord Samyaza.

Samyaza: What is it, Azazel?

Azazel: The Helpers have rebelled and left your command.

Samyaza: ...Let them go. They were never really part of my host in the first place.

Azazel: I was never really part of your host either, Samyaza.

Samyaza: What was that?

Azazel: God may have made you general over us, but I never truly accepted you as my leader.

Samyaza: Are you here to tell me that you’re turning your back on me just like Michael did, Azazel?

Azazel: Oh no, not in the slightest, but as long as I am here stuck with you and these animals called humans, I’ll be doing whatever I want. Call me if you need me, but you are not my leader. I am more akin to Lucifer than you ever were. (Azazel starts walking away) By the way, where is your brother Lucifer? He hasn’t come to congratulate you on your rebellion against God, has he?

Samyaza, with a furious face, turns around to look at Azazel walking away and says in his mind: Azazel....you snake...He’s right, where is Lucifer? Some brother he is. I must find a way to regain God’s favor again.

(Cayla narrates again)

The 200 Fallen Angels did not dare to challenge our rebellion since we were just as powerful as they were and they could no longer return back to their Angelic state. So, they remained in their human flesh, though they could still use their angelic powers. Lucifer’s Fallen Angels for some reason did not interfere in our affairs nor did they participate in the Watchers’ plans, even though it was Lucifer who gave them the idea. For years we Fallen Ones, decided to find someone to intercede for us with God, since we were no longer allowed in God’s Presence because of the sin we committed. We found Enoch, a man who was said to walk with God, to walk in His righteousness. We asked him to speak with God on our behalf and ask if there was anything we could do to regain our positions in Heaven. Enoch agreed to mediate between us and God. We later learned that the Watchers had asked Enoch as well to intercede for them. As Enoch was praying to God we stood outside his house, and suddenly we saw his spirit leave his house and up into Heaven where God’s Presence was. A minute later he returned with God’s answer. We then realized the Watchers had also arrived from behind us to hear Enoch’s message from God. And this was God’s answer to the Watchers…..

Scene of Enoch standing in front of God’s throne where a huge light shines from God’s seat and says:
YOU SHOULD INTERCEDE FOR MEN AND NOT MEN FOR YOU. WHY, THEN, HAVE YOU LEFT YOUR POSITIONS ON HIGH AND LAYED WITH WOMEN AND CORRUPTED YOURSELVES WITH THE DAUGHTERS OF MEN, MAKING THEM YOUR WIVES AND DOING WHAT THE CHILDREN OF ADAM DO, GIVING BIRTH TO GIANTS? SO, NOW, YOUR CHILDREN, BORN OF SPIRITS OF FLESH, WILL BE CALLED EVIL SPIRITS UPON THE EARTH, AND EARTH SHALL BE THEIR DWELLING PLACE. THEREFORE, I WILL NOT GRANT YOUR PETITTION OF FORGIVENESS, FOR YOUR JUDGMENT WAS PASSED WHEN YOU CHOSE TO SIN OF YOUR OWN WILL AND IT WILL BE CARRIED OUT AT ITS APPOINTED TIME.

As soon as the Watchers heard God’s answer, they left without a word into the darkness of the night.

Then Enoch proceeded to give us, the Fallen Ones, God’s answer to our petition of Forgiveness.

Scene of Enoch again in God’s Throne. God says:
YOU KNEW FULL WELL YOUR ORDERS WERE NOT THOSE THAT I HAD GIVEN YOU, YET YOU OBEYED THE WATCHERS AND NOT MY WILL, DESTROYING MANY LIVES. HOWEVER, BECAUSE YOU FELL THROUGH DECEPTION, AND NOT OUT OF YOUR OWN WILL TO COMMIT EVIL, I WILL GIVE YOU A WAY TO OBTAIN YOUR SALVATION. WHAT YOU HINDERED FROM MORTALS, YOU MUST ALSO OBTAIN, BUT YOU WILL SUFFER THE SAME PAIN YOU CAUSED. AND ONCE YOU HAVE ACHIEVED THIS, YOU MUST THEN GIVE BIRTH TO NEW LIFE SO THAT YOUR SALVATION WILL BE THE SAME AS ADAM’S CHILDREN. THERE IS NO OTHER WAY TO OBTAIN YOUR SALVATION. BUT FIRST, THERE IS ONE TASK YOU MUST DO BEFORE YOU CAN BEGIN TO OBTAIN YOUR SALVATION.

(Cayla narrates)

God told us that all of humanity had become corrupted because of Samyaza and his Fallen Angels, except for one family, Noah’s Family. We were tasked with defending Noah’s Family from The Watchers and their offspring, the Giants (Nephilim), until Noah had finished building the Ark God had ordered him to build and God’s judgment of sending a global flood to destroy all of corrupt humanity came. We defended Noah’s Family for 100 years against everyone who dared to hurt them.
(Scenes of the Fallen Ones fighting off armies of Giants)

During the last 100 years before the Global Flood came, God had sent Gabriel to cause chaos and confusion among the Giants, which led to many Civil Wars among the Giants. The Watchers could not do anything to stop the Civil Wars and instead had to witness their offspring kill each other. As the time for the Global Flood to begin was nearing, God sent Michael to capture Samyaza and his Fallen Angels, the Watchers, and imprison them in the deepest part of Hell where they are to wait until the day of God’s Judgment when they will be thrown into the lake of fire to spend all eternity suffering for their crimes.

After the Global Flood had passed and mankind once again grew in numbers, God had transformed us into immortal humans and put a mark on our right hand which would limit our strength and abilities, such as speed and self-healing and seal our angelic powers. We can still die of hunger and thirst as well as being killed by someone, but we don’t die of old age or diseases because of our angelic nature which God allowed us to keep. He then ordered us to find our Destined Ones.

Nathan: You call me a Destined One. What are destined ones and why were we chosen?

Cayla: Destined Ones are the key to our Salvation? You see, we are not part of Adam’s human race. We are our own human race. You and I are the same in terms of being a human being, but we are not of the same blood or lineage. Each one of us fallen ones are our own humanity. But since salvation has already come to Adam’s children, God has chosen for us our soul mates within Adam’s human race who will bring us into Adam’s family through giving birth to new life, and thus, obtain our salvation through the Messiah.

Nathan: Does that mean, I have to get you...pregnant?

Cayla: Yes! By becoming one through consummation of our marriage, the child we give birth to will be the proof of my adoption into Adam’s Human Family.

Nathan: But we haven`t married yet.

Cayla: The moment you and I kissed, we became man and wife. I know that for humans like you a kiss doesn’t count as marriage unless there’s a ceremony, but for us Fallen Ones it’s different. The kiss does one more thing? It removes the mark which limited our full strength and other abilities and sealed our angelic powers. The marks removal allows us to freely change between angelic mode and normal mode at will, in exchange our lives will depend entirely on our Destined One’s survival. So it counts as marriage to us.
LINK

Nathan: I don’t know. I feel like I was used.

Cayla: NO! No, Nathan. It’s...it’s not like that. (Cayla is filled with guilt) I didn’t mean to do this to you. If I didn’t do what I did, you...you would have died. (She looks at her hands remembering the blood from Nathan’s wounds). I did it because I loved you. I thought you... (Nathan grabs her hands)

Nathan: I do...and I don’t regret one bit of it.

Cayla: I wish we had kissed under different circumstances and you were the one to start the kiss, fully aware of what you were getting into. (Nathan blushes)

Nathan: Cayla, I...

Cayla: If I had known I was being followed and you would get mixed up in this, I would never have come looking for you. This is my fault, forgive me.

Nathan: Cayla, look at me (She looks at him). There’s nothing to forgive. This wasn’t your fault.

Cayla: I’m not so sure.

Nathan: Well I am. What’s done is done, and what you did was right. There was no other way to save me. And I thank you, Calya. (Cayla feels comforted after hearing these words) I’m just....I’m just not sure if I’m ready for marriage...But I won’t back down. I’ll take responsibility. It’s the least I can do for you saving my life, especially since your life depends on mine now. But I have to ask, why me, what makes me so special?

Cayla: I don’t know, but what we Fallen Ones have witnessed is that a Destined One must be a man or woman of faith, and he/she must make a Fallen One’s heart respond to him/her. Kissing anyone else besides our Destined One will not remove our mark, and it will NOT bring us salvation through the Messiah. The first moment I met you my heart pounded so hard, I almost couldn’t control my affections for you. I knew you were the one for me.

Nathan: About the first moment we met, Cayla (Nathan has a sad face)…..why did you leave me, that day in the field?

Silence………..

Cayla: I left you because I was being hunted by that cyborg assassin you met earlier. Remember how you found me in the field all bruised and beaten. I was running away from him when he caught up to me. The fight was really rough and I was only able to escape when I gouged his left eye out. I ran and ran until I met you in the field. After I stayed with you for several months, I wanted so much to make you my destined one, but was afraid to because I felt as though I was still being watched. When we were leaving the store your Aunt told us to go to, I saw the cyborg assassin disguised in heavy clothing and he seemed as though he recovered from my last encounter with him. He didn’t notice me, but I knew he was out searching for me. So the next day, when I made that promise to be yours forever, I left you to keep you safe, just until I dealt with him. I had a few more deadly encounters with the cyborg assassin, but it always ended in a stalemate. But, I couldn’t wait anymore, I had to meet you again and make you mine. So I took the first opportunity to leave without a trace, but it wasn’t good enough. Even now that cyborg assassin is probably still planning to come back and attack me again after he fixes himself up.

Nathan: I see! We should leave then. The first place he’ll be looking is this place. Let me just pack up some things we’ll need and then we’ll go, but first I’ll take another bath. I smell like a wet dog.

Cayla: I’ll go with you. I need to take a bath as well.

Nathan: Uhh…n...no, we can take turns.

Cayla: What? Why can’t we take a bath together?

Nathan: Because…..we…we’re moving too fast.

Cayla: But, we are man and wife. There should be no problem.

Nathan: Cayla, please. I’ve been thrust into something I don’t yet understand. Let’s take this one step at a time.

Cayla: hmmm…..Fine! (Mumbles)

(Nathan gets up from the bed and leaves to go to the bathroom)

Nathan says in his mind: That might have been the worst mistake I ever made.

Cayla says in her mind: That was the worst mistake you ever made. (She throws herself on the bed) But at least he’s finally all mine. (She giggles)

(Scene changes to the mysterious white robed woman looking over Nathan’s house)

Mysterious woman: Father, this man knows very little of us. Can he really be the one to restore my people and lead them in battle? He barely escaped death. Then again, he is the Destined One to one of the best of us Fallen Ones.

End
As an incentive for people to participate in the discussion, how about looking for an image of what you think the mark on a Fallen One's right hand should look like. And thanks to those who finished reading the third chapter (for those who haven't, READ IT, pleeeeease). Goodbye Friends.

[FreddyCast]

Hey Friends, I'm back. I want to show you guys a few of my inspirations for coming up with this manga story. Mostly having to do with the Book of Enoch and the Fall of the Angels (Both Lucifer's Rebellion as well as Samyaza's Rebellion). Here are the links. Some of you should have already seen this youtube vid series ( 7 vids), but if not then you'll have a fuller understanding of what the world of "The Fallen Rise" will be about. Mostly everything that you'll see in these vids (minus the occultism), my manga story will try to incorporate, as well as Biblically based messages and lessons (this includes our Lord and Savior God, Jesus).

The Fallen Angels & Nephilim

[Panda4christ:3]

The story is good.

But, Oh.My.Gosh--these drawings, you sir, are talented.

[FreddyCast]

The story is good.

But, Oh.My.Gosh--these drawings, you sir, are talented.

Forgive me Panda, but those drawings are not mine. I wish I could draw as good as those pictures, but sadly I can't. That's why I must rely on others for the artistic beauty. I'm still searching for a manga artist and be best of friends.
And thanks for liking my story. I try to do my best, especially since this is my first attempt at fictional writing.
I so very much want to post the next chapter, but without any feedback or someone to collab with, I'm stuck in limbo for now. The good thing is I'm still writing and I'm working on the second volume.

[Xeno]

If the illustrations aren't yours, then please be kind enough to source where you got them from. Otherwise you're essentially stealing them even if that isn't your intent.

[goldenspines]

What Xeno said. ^^^^
Don't steal art, it makes artists cry (and sue the pants off of you).

But let's see, I guess while I'm here, I'll leave some general comments about each chapter.

First off, your organization is pretty good and it does seem like you've been putting some effort into trying to make this work. Though, your world building leaves much to be desired and overall seemed rushed, but it's mainly details that can be filled in later (what importance is in the location of the story? What is your main character's terrible past? How come, after going to college, does he have no direction in life? What was his area of study? Is there anything he's good at or likes to do? Currently, there's nothing defining about the guy. You may as well be using any old guy off the street. What makes Nathan special to this story? Or to the controlling selfish heroine* Cayla?
*more on this later)

But let's take it chapter by chapter with some general notes.

Chapter 1: Probably the best out of the three you've posted. It still contains a few speed bumps in the story, though. The first being Nathan's really random and seemingly forced monologue/prayer while watching the TV. It's just weird how it's presented and there should be a better way to get that idea across without info dumping it on the reader.
Fight scene was pretty good, so not much to comment on there.
The dialogue between Nathan and Cayla is....really awkward, even for a harem story. But this whole romance seems very one sided with Cayla being an overpowering force taking the weak-willed Nathan as her husband later.
Yes, first and so far lasting impression of Nathan: weak-willed and wimpy when it comes to this girl, Cayla, but pretty capable when it comes to brute strength.
But continuing on.

Chapter 2: And then theology gets all screwy. If this was marketed towards Christians exclusively, they may not fly very well for various reasons (I guess you can PM me if you're not terribly sure why taking this much theological freedom and still calling it "Christian fiction" is a bad idea..). Though, if you're searching for a wider audience, you may have more luck. It's not "bad" per say, since it seems interesting and such, but I wouldn't try to sell this as anything close to "Christian". (in fact, some could take it as anti-christian or blasphemy)
Otherwise, you seem to be falling into a common world building trap, info-dumping. I know you have a lot to explain, but find a better way to make it short and sweet.

Chapter 3: More info dumping, but at least it leads to the clincher, marriage! I don't think kissing as a seal for marriage is a new thing, so the idea works in this case. But you can't help but feel sorry for the unsuspecting Nathan and his raging hormones that got him into an irreversible mess. It's fairly unrealistic with how easily he accepts it, though. But he's not too much of a defined character anyways, but he's coming across as weak and probably likes the idea of being coddled by some powerful woman.
But this also gives us a really awkward love story....actually, it's more like a selfish woman using a man to gain her salvation. In this case, she couldn't have picked a better victim.
The most interesting part so far is the appearance of the new mysterious woman and I only hope that it's a "love" triangle forming. Oh my gosh, what if he's the destined one for all the other 6 female characters! O: This actually might be interesting in a really, really, really awkward way. XD;
(Oh but this is a harem you mentioned, so that's expected. But you haven't quite hit the "realistic" part yet. It's pretty stereotypical to me, so you're not breaking any tropes yet. Weak-willed guy with a woman suddenly madly in love with him and more girls to come!)

Now, if you don't want this to spiral into a harem where the main guy is a wimp emotionally ( even though he can fight well, it doesn't do much for his emotional well-being) and is controlled by one if not more women in order for them to reach their own selfish means, then you can do a couple things.

- Develop your main character. I mean, take a LOT of time to sit down and find out about this guy. What does he like? Dislike? What was his past like? Is he weak-willed by nature? How come? What did he study in college? Does he have any friends? Etc. Get this guy fleshed out and make him less of "guy x" and more like, "This is Nathan Cross".

- Cayla is a controlling and sneaky woman. She has Nathan wrapped around his finger and is desperate to use him to gain her own rewards. The whole her gaining salvation thing seems like a pretty big plot point, though, so her motives and personality may be unavoidable. Though if you don't want her to be super clingy and female dominatrix on your poor main character, you'll have to develop her character as much as you do for Nathan.

- Make a balance in the relationship(s). This is part of character development. How does each character relate to each other? In friendships? In romantic relationships? etc.


In short, unless you're cool with falling into the tropes of harem series, you'll need to develop your characters a lot more. Currently, I have no interest in them besides feelings really sorry for the boring and Mary-sue-ish main guy (maybe a playboy in the past??? But these details are important to at least define how he acts now). If your characters are not a driving force of the series, it'll just be like every other lazy harem where fanservice happens because everything else flops.


It's quite a difficult feat to take on writing a manga by yourself. Personally, if I were you, I'd make this a novel instead and then after you develop characters and the world they live in, then you can simplify it into a script and recruit an artist to make a manga out of it. You'll find that trying to write a manga fully without an artist (yet) is going to be really frustrating and you may end up missing a lot of important details.

Best of luck in your writing endeavors.

[FreddyCast]

Yes, Finally!
Thank you so much goldenspine for sharing your well-thought out criticism. Many of the problems you raised (character development, Nathan's past, info-dumping, theology issues, unappealing characters, etc.) Are expanded upon way, way more in my other chapters, though to what extent it helps, I'm not so sure. Therefore, I will do a revision and see if I can make it alot more consistent and interesting to read. I'm not sure if I want to revise the first 3 chapters though. I'll think about it.
And are you sure you didn't take a sneak peak at the rest of my other chapters. You seem to be giving away some of the secrets to the story SSSHHHHH (JKing )
Some of your comments I found very amusing.ex. "maybe a playboy in the past???" It made me laugh pretty hard.
But all in all I accept your critique. It was fair and to the point. I very much enjoyed it. Please feel free to add anything else. I have a lot of work to do.
AHHHH NOOO I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO :'(

EDIT: Links to the pictures above have been added. To avoid any further problems, I will do my best to do this in the coming future everytime I add an artwork that is not mine. Thanks Xeno and goldenspines for the advice.

[goldenspines]

Yes, Finally!
Thatnk you so much goldenspine for sharing your well-thought out criticism. Many of the problems you raised (character development, Nathan's past, info-dumping, theology issues, unappealing characters, etc.) Are expanded upon way, way more in my other chapters, though to what extent it helps, I'm not so sure. Therefore, I will do a revision and see if I can make it alot more consistent and interesting to read. I'm not sure if I want to revise the first 3 chapters though. I'll think about it.

It's helps slightly to know that you've at least thought about it for later chapters, so all is not lost! Yet, the first few chapters of a story, manga or otherwise, are important. They are the ones that need to grab the reader. If they are vague or just info dumping, you'll probably lose a lot of readers. :\ You can develop a character without revealing EVERYTHING. Or rather, "defining" is a better word to use. How does Nathan stand out from any other guy spiraling into a potential harem romance? At least give us a physical attribute or two. Does he have any habits or quirks? Does he like cats? Dogs? etc. Just give him something to go on besides being a "guy with mysterious past".

And are you sure you didn't take a sneak peak at the rest of my other chapters. You seem to be giving away some of the secrets to the story SSSHHHHH (JKing )
Some of your comments I found very amusing.ex. "maybe a playboy in the past???" It made me laugh pretty hard.

Ahahahaha. Either I'm really good at predicting stories, or you're being too obvious. I was just throwing stuff out there when they came to my mind. XD Or it's a sign that I've read too many harem stories. O_O;; Either way, if you are looking to avoid stereotypes, so far you aren't doing too well. But don't worry, just keep your creativity going and keep revising! Think outside the box.

But all in all I accept your critique. It was fair and to the point. I very much enjoyed it. Please feel free to add anything else. I have a lot of work to do.
AHHHH NOOO I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO :'(

I'm glad you enjoyed it. XD; I found myself growing somewhat attached to the story, despite criticizing it. I really hope you keep working it over and making it better. ^_^

Again, best of luck.

[Ante Bellum]

I'm going to get out part of this tonight, because I don't have much time but want to post something. QUICK EDIT: Also, I'm not sure what to expect from later chapters, so some of the stuff I mention might already be in mind.

Seconding writing out the story and then converting it to a script. But in the meantime: http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/howtovformatcomicbooks
Because right now, it almost reads more like a screenplay than a comic script. One of the biggest problems is the large text blocks. It's not something you really want to do in comics, as you'll end up with text walls, and it would be difficult to break it up. Actually, it seems like you have a lot of dialogue in general, and that sort of defeats the purpose of a comic. If you're going for a visual format, I'd suggest cutting the narration and just showing what happened.

I'm not liking these flashbacks. They happen too quickly, and the current counterparts show up not long after that. Maybe have them happen as a prologue? And scatter images throughout the rest. For example, a single panel of Cayla in the field when they meet again? Otherwise, they don't seem well integrated at all.
I agree with the bit about infodumping - as I said before, it's bad. The info should be inserted into the story seamlessly, and monologues are...awkward. Especially so early on. But at least you're aware of it, you just need to make sure there's consistently no dumping.
As for the cyborg assassin, visually, I see Raiden from Metal Gear when I read the description. Just make sure the design doesn't veer off too much in that direction.

It's got potential. I really think it does. However, I'm not sure that it will work the way you want it to. The way I see it, it might not work as an explicitly Christian series. What I mean is, it can still use the mythology but the story doesn't seem to allow for lessons. Goldy's right, Cayla comes across as a very controlling and possessive character. She's using Nathan for her own purposes and doesn't seem very sensitive to his needs, like when she wanted to bathe with him. This can work for the harem, though.

And actually, I have to go to bed because I get up early, but I'll see if I can get more organized and finish up tomorrow.


EDIT:

Okay, sort of picking up where I left off.
I find Cayla a much more interesting character than Nathan. Because, well, as far as protagonists go, Nathan doesn't have much to him. Though you said there'd be more development later...But yeah. As it stands, I would want to see more of Cayla, to see her develop into a complex character. I can't say the same about Nathan. Either way, like Goldy, neither one has been developed enough to really catch my attention.
And that's kinda why I said that it might not have much room for Biblical lessons. Cayla doesn't appear to be a good person, so she'd be a terrible role model. I mean, there's room to show the negative side of her personality (not that there's really any positive side) and how that affects other people, but those are general life lessons I guess?
Again, I think that the flashbacks could serve as a much larger part, not just, well, a flashback. With as much as you're trying to get out, you might as well flesh it out make it its own story?
One little detail I do want to question is their immortality. I bring this up because I also have (at least temporarily) immortal characters who can live for hundreds of years. And at least in mine, it absolutely eats at their sanity. I'm not sure how you're going to handle it, but I doubt it's easy trying to live for, what, thousands of years while searching the world for a single person.

I think the biggest flaw is the large amount of cliches you have. The characters (Nathan, definitely), the dialogue (and I mean, most of the dialogue; it's going to need a lot of work), even some of the plot events (chased by an assassin-ninja-cyborg). That's what kills it the most for me. You can fix the infodumping and character development and flow as much as you want, but with the cliches it currently has, it's not going to grip people.


Anyway, that's what I've got to add for now (considering Goldy already covered a few things, some of which I might have repeated for emphasis or whatever), though it's a bit late again so I might remember something later.

[FreddyCast]

Thanks so much, Ante Bellum for your critique. It's given me a bit more to think of.
I recognize your concern for Nathan's character, but there is alot more to him then what these three chapters show. There's still 15 more chapters I haven't revealed yet, each one revealing more about him. Plus, the chapters of the second volume, but that one is on hold for now, because I'm revising the first volume.

As for Cayla, she too has more to her. And judging by the impression you guys get from her, that's more or less the kind of character she is. Of course, there are moments when her goodness shows too. But, my goal is not to make role models out of my characters, it's more like showing their flaws and how they change their ways over time. If any of my characters is even close to a role model, it would have to be Nathan, but even he is not supposed to be a role model. In fact, the direction I'm going at is to show that these characters are trying to follow a role model themselves (that role model being Jesus Christ) in the adventures they go through and the lessons they learn through His teachings. But, that's not the focus of the first volume (that's the focus of the next volumes), the focus is more about revealing the world of the "Fallen Rise", Nathan's Past, and establishing the main characters.

Also, the flashbacks are a big important part of the story as well. The flashbacks won't be quick and short interruptions like you see in the first chapter. Each of the chapters (the one's I haven't revealed yet) has a part dedicated to these flashbacks and their importance in the current timeline.

And yes, the Fallen Ones' immortality does have an effect on some of the characters.
I'll do my best not to run into cliches (oh man that's gonna be hard) and some of the infodumping in the other chapters will be turned into a "let me show you" event. This will help me to write in more character development and more action scenes. That way people can be more hooked to the story. This is gonna take some creativity on my part. This worries me as well as excites me.

One thing I might regret is that my story is a more serious/mature story, it probably has to do with the fact that I'm no good at creating comedic moments I really wish my story had a bit more comedy in it, just to keep all the drama and action overload at bay.
I also want to say that although my aim is to make a Christian themed manga, with it progressively getting more "Christian" in each succeeding volume, the audience I'm aiming at is everyone. Just as the message of our Lord Jesus Christ is meant to be heard by everyone, so my manga is meant to be read by everyone, not just Christians. And it won't be about pushing down religion on people's throats. it's more like showing the moral lessons of our Savior trhough the situations and events my characters go through. I know that it'll be hard to do, but I vision my story as more like Jacob's Troubles, the harem edition LOL. I'm not sure if that image works

I don't know what else to say, so I thank you again Ante Bellum, and everyone else who voiced their praises and critiques, and those who read my chapters. You guys are great, You guys really are pushing me to do better. And I pray that God helps me to make this story better, for all of you.
I'll be heading back to my story now, there's alot of writing to do. See ya, Friends.

[FreddyCast]

Hey Brothers and Sisters,
I'm back.
I'm still working on revising my First volume, but I'm not here about that. I have been working on a side project for a week now, and this project of mine came about because of a scene I was doing in my manga story, namely, the origin of Lucifer.
I finished this project and have uploaded it on my youtube channel. It's called God's Creation, the Fall of Lucifer, & the Rise of the Messiah
Please feel free to watch my vid and tell me what you guys think. Now, the origin of Lucifer in this video won't be the same in my manga story, although it will be similar to it.
That's all my Friends. Be God-blessed.

[FreddyCast]

Small update.
Hey friends. I've been busy with other projects, one project in particular that is taking up a considerable amount of time is doing a spanish version of the "God's Creation, Fall of Lucifer, & Rise of the Messiah" youtube vid.
So I haven't been able to concentrate on my manga story for some time, but I hope to post a revised version of chapters 1-3 sometime during the next two weeks. I want to do it sooner, but juggling between my job and various other projects makes it very hard to accomplish. Just please have patience my friends. Or maybe I should have patience, I feel like scratching my face off. OOUCH. Ah man, I look like Naruto now

[FreddyCast]

Watsup friends it's me again. So bad news and good news.
Bad news, I have flooded myself with even more projects, which is making it harder for me to get anything done with the revisions to my manga. I just can't seem to say no for some reason whenever I have some new idea for a project pop into my head.
Good news though, I've written a new chapter to my manga story which I want to show you guys. But, I have no idea where this chapter fits into the main story. I was thinking a prologue, or maybe one of Lee El's flashbacks. I also had this crazy idea of making two separate stories for the "The Fallen Rise". One which follows the story of Nathan Cross and the other which follows Lee El's background story.
Darn mind, ONE THING AT A TIME.
Anyways, Please Tell Me What You Guys Think.
Here's the chapter titled.............

Beginnings: The Fall of Lucifer

Setting: On Earth at the entrance to the Garden of Eden. Michael arrives to meet with Lucifer who is the Guardian of the Garden and an argument arises.

Michael: Brother, what are you saying?

Lucifer: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I’M SAYING. (He closes his eyes and takes a breath to calm down. Then he opens his eyes with an intense and wrathful gaze towards Michael) I will not prostrate myself to the ground before Man. I will not lower my throne beneath all of the sons of the Father, especially not for Man. I will not sit upon this mount of dirt on the lowest part of the Earth. I will not descend underneath these clouds of the sky. I will not be like YOU, MICHAEL, a....(He hesitates to say the words)...servant to Man.

Michael: Lucifer, our Father warned you not to be led astray by your own wisdom nor be lost in your own beauty. You must turn away from such thoughts, brother, and ask our Father for forgiveness. He will show you mercy for this offense.

Lucifer: Go quickly Michael, before my wrath consumes you. Tell our Father that I won’t obey his command and that I am coming, but I won’t be alone.

Michael: I don’t understand, brother, you were given everything, why then are you risking it all over this.

Lucifer: This is your last warning, Michael. Leave...Now. (Michael sees a group of angels coming to Lucifer’s side and reluctantly leaves to inform the Father of Lucifer’s disobedience)

(At the Front Gate to the City of God, a multitude of angels come marching in with Lucifer leading them)

Cayla (angelic name hidden) watching from a high place: What is going on? Why are so many angels entering the city and being led by Lucifer.

Lee El: There is something wrong with this. I’ve heard rumors within the ranks of our brothers about talks of discontent for Our Father’s rule. Is Lucifer really leading a revolt against our Father?

Cayla: But that’s unthinkable. What should we do?

Azalia (angelic name hidden): Isn’t it obvious, sister, if what Lee El says is true, we must take a stand.

Iva (angelic name hidden): As servants of our Father we must be at his side.

Elinor (angelic name hidden): But how could Lucifer do this? Is he not supposed to be an example to us all?

Elizabeth (angelic name hidden): All of the angels under his command are following him. They’re going straight to our Father’s Throne.

Lilian (angelic name hidden): Then there is no time to waste. We must go to Michael now, he’s rallying the hosts of Heaven.

Cayla: Come on Lee El. We have to go before it’s too....

(The Voice of God is heard throughout all of Heaven)

God: COME, MY SONS, AND PRESENT YOURSELVES BEFORE ME IN MY TEMPLE AND GATHER AROUND MY THRONE.

Lee El: Our Father calls us, but this is dangerous. Lucifer should not get so close to our Father.

(Lucifer arrives at the Doors to God’s Temple. Shemyael is there with his long staff of Light guarding the doors.)

Shemyael: Lucifer, what is the meaning of this? I’ve heard from Michael of your disobedience to our Father’s command. He is with our Father now, telling Him what you have said in your heart.

Lucifer: Let us pass Shemyael, (Lucifer smiles sinisterly), our Father calls us.

Shemyael: I see evil in you, brother. Why? Why, are you doing this? Are you not the left hand of our Father? Why does God’s Left Hand rebel?

Lucifer: “Why” you ask. You know why. Join me Shemyael, you and I are akin. You know this new command of God is unjust.

Shemyael: Join you? No! And I am nothing like you. What my Father sees, I see. And what I see is deception and lies.

Lucifer: Are you sure? Or is our Father making you see what He wants you to see.

Shemyael: Look at you, you have it all, Beauty, Wisdom, Power. All the sons of the Father look up to you. A third of the hosts of heaven are under your command. You even lead all the angels in praise and worship. You were anointed Gaurdian of Heaven and Earth. Is this not enough for you?

Lucifer, with an evil gaze: .............Step...Aside...Brother.

(Shemyael, filled with wrath towards Lucifer, begins to shine brightly with fire and his long staff starts to shine brightly as well with the tip of the staff turning into a spear point of light. Yet, Lucifer is unphased by Shemyael’s anger, but instead grins as if he welcomes Shemyael’s fury. However, God’s voice interrupts.)

God: Shemyael, do not let your anger control you. Let him pass. I will have words with Lucifer. All of my sons must enter my Temple. (Shemyael calms down and let’s Lucifer and his company pass. As Lucifer walks passed by Shemyael, he says...)

Lucifer: You’re closer to me than you think Shemyael. Hehehehe (Shemyael is worried over Lucifer’s words)

(After Lucifer’s company enters, Lee El’s company enters as well. One of Lee El’s company, Amiel, sees Shemyael troubled in his mind)

Amiel: Shemyael, what is wrong my brother? (As she gets close to Shemyael, she stops and her eyes glow and she begins to speak as if she’s in a trance)

Amiel: DECIDE WHO YOU ARE. CARRY HIS NAME OR CARRY ARROGANCE. ARE YOU HIS ALONE OR ARE YOU SAMYAZA. YOU ARE.........(the end of the message is heard only by Shemyael. Amiel’s trance ends and acts as if nothing happened)

Amiel: What’s wrong brother, I see fear in your eyes.

Shemyael: N..nothing, sister. I..it’s nothing...really.

Amiel: No, there is something wrong...but you won’t tell me. Come with me inside our Father’s Temple and be comforted by His Presence.

Shemyael: Y..yes. You’re right.

(All the angels of God enter the Throne of God, and it is an ocean of angels gathered around God’s throne such that the hosts of Heaven cannot be numbered)(On the Throne a Light shines with the brilliance of many suns and a Human figure with a Crown can be seen sitting down on the Throne. His face is hidden behind an incomparable Light. God speaks...)

God: Those whom I have appointed leaders over my hosts, come closer before me and cover yourselves with your wings, for you are in the Holiest of Holies.

(The leaders of God’s armies present themselves and kneel before God. And they are Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, Lee El, Shemyael, and Lucifer. All 7 cover themselves by putting their wings in front of them. Their wings are three times their size and are transparent so that they may see God while covering themselves from God’s Glory)

God: Stand Lucifer, son of the morning, and come closer. (Lucifer does so) Why is it that I find unrighteousness in your heart and refuse to obey my decree?

Lucifer: I am Lucifer, the Bright and Morning Star. All see my beauty and behold my splendor. It is far beneath me to be servant to that inferior being that you call Man. Is he not lower than us sons of the Mighty? Why then have you proclaimed this pathetic and weak human your Crowned Creation, covered with glory and honor, giving him dominion over the works of your Hands and putting everything under his feet? Is your purpose then to make us subject to this worthless creature, we who are higher than Man? Will you make Man our Judge? NO, I will not permit Man to be my Judge nor will I be subservient to that weakling. I and my angels will not obey your command. Instead, I will take away his dominion and make it my own. All the kingdoms of the world will be in my hands and their glory shall be mine. I will be the God of Man’s world and Man will bow down and worship me. For, I am the swiftest, I am the strongest, and I am the wisest of all your sons. Who is like me? And who is able to wage war against me? I should be the one to sit in the Temple of God as God, proclaiming to everyone that I am God.

(All the angels are astonished at Lucifer’s blasphemies and there is a short silence. Then God responds)

God: Foolish and rebellious creature, you were the seal of perfection, Full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. You were in Eden, My Garden. You were clothed with every precious stone and covered in gold. The workmanship of your timbrels and pipes was prepared for you on the day you were created. You were anointed as a guardian cherub, for so I ordained you. You were on the holy mount of God; you walked among the fiery stones. You were perfect in your ways from the day you were created, till iniquity was found in you. By the abundance of your slanders, you have become filled with violence within, And you have sinned;
You, O Boastful One, have put upon yourself a huge burden, vowing to be just like Me and threatening to ascend your throne above mine. Come then, you wicked and ungrateful cherub, make real your foolish threat by removing your covering wings and confronting me face to face.

(Lucifer, knowing that he would be consumed by God’s Glory if he confronted God face to face, is humiliated. He therefore responds)

Lucifer: I and my angels will not serve Man, nor will we serve you anymore. Instead, we will serve ourselves. We are free from your rule. Therefore, we will take what is rightfully ours.

(Lucifer stretches out his right hand to the side and a sword of light and fire materializes. He grabs the handle and lifts the burning sword of light above and points it towards God. All the angels are in shock at Lucifer’s audacity to point a sword at God. Thus, all the angels materialize their swords and Lucifer’s angels do the same. The angels are split into two groups and point their swords against each other)

Michael: BROTHER, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND.

Lucifer: No, for the first time my mind is clear. FATHER, COME DOWN FROM YOUR THRONE AND FACE ME.

(God stands up from His Throne)

God: Lucifer, you were once holy, but now your holiness has been taken from you. For in your freedom, you have made a flagrant mistake, challenging your Creator’s authority. Therefore I will cast you as a profane thing out of the mountain of God; And I will destroy you, O guardian cherub, from among the fiery stones. For, your heart has been lifted up because of your beauty and you have corrupted your wisdom by reason of your splendor. Therefore, I will cast you to the ground, I will lay you before kings, That they might gaze at you. And once your rule on earth has ended in which your challenge to my authority is put to rest, I will bring fire from your midst and it will devour you, and I will turn you to ashes upon the earth in the sight of all those who see you. All who know you will be astonished at you. For you will have become a horror, and shall be no more forever.

Lucifer: DO THEN WHAT YOU HAVE DECREED, FOR I WILL NOT WAIVER FROM MY GOAL.

God: SO BE IT (The Divine Council within God speaks: Go my Son, and remove this profane creature from Our Temple.)(God steps forward and stretches out his right hand and a blinding light shoots out from his right hand engulfing the whole Temple. When the Light dissipates Lucifer and his angels have been expelled from His Temple to the outside of the City of God) All who are with Me, prepare for war. Michael, take charge of my armies and expel Satan and his angels from Heaven.

Michael: Yes, Father! Your Will is my will.

(A war unlike any other ensues in Heaven. During the battle, Lucifer confronts all the generals of God)

Uriel: LUCIFER, YOUR PRESENCE IS NO LONGER WELCOMED IN HEAVEN.

Lucifer: MY PRESENCE WILL BE THE ONLY THING THAT REMAINS IN HEAVEN, URIEL. (Lucifer overwhelms Uriel and easily defeats him)

Raphael: GOD IS WITH US, LUCIFER. YOU CANNOT WIN.

Lucifer: IS HE REALLY? THEN WHY IS HE NOT HERE WITH YOU, RAPHAEL. (Lucifer takes Raphael down with ease)

Gabriel: IS THIS TRULY WHAT YOU WANTED, LUCIFER? BROTHER TURNING AGAINST BROTHER.

Lucifer: HAHAHAHA. WHAT’S WRONG GABRIEL? IS ALL THIS VIOLENCE TOO MUCH FOR YOU? I REVEL IN BATTLE. (Lucifer overtakes Gabriel and knocks him down)

Lee EL: THIS REBELLION ENDS NOW, LUCIFER.

Lucifer: You’re right, Lee El, THIS WILL END, WITH YOU UNDER MY FEET. (Lucifer proves too much for Lee El and is beaten)

Shemyael, looking at the battle all around him, says in dismay: Brother, stop this. Look at what you have done.

Lucifer: What’s been done cannot be undone. (Shemyael cannot bring himself to raise his sword against Lucifer) What? Have you lost the will to fight? Where was that spirit, that fury you had when you confronted me at the doors of God’s Temple. Such a disappointment! (Lucifer leaves Shemyael)

Michael: Lucifer!

Lucifer: Michael! Look at your brothers. God’s generals have fallen before my might. What can you hope to do against me? NO ONE IS AS GREAT AS ME. NO ONE IS ABLE TO FIGHT AGAINST ME.

Michael: The Lord rebukes you Satan. You have lifted your hand against your Creator, so now He lifts His hand against you. (A whirling portal appears near the battle)

Lucifer: What is this?

Michael: Your defeat.

Lucifer: If I defeat you, then this whole war is over.

Michael: Look around you. (Lucifer sees all his angels losing and being thrown into the portal)

Lucifer: No. NO, I WILL DESTROY YOU. (Lucifer lifts his sword above his head, momentarily leaving himself open, and Michael with incredible speed takes the opportunity to strike.

Michael: Feel the wrath of God. (He strikes Lucifer and the force of the strike knocks him back so hard that he flies into the portal)

Lucifer: MIICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAEL! (Lucifer and his angels are expelled from Heaven)

(On Earth, the sky opens like a scroll and lightning from beyond the sky comes and hits the ground. The dust clears and Lucifer is on both his hands and knees on the ground. God sees Lucifer from Heaven and says)

God: How you are fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! How you are cut down to the ground, You who will weaken the nations!

(Lucifer gets up, looks up at the sky, and shouts in defiance)

Lucifer: GOOOOOD. I am Lucifer, the Light Bringer, The Bright and Morning Star, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God, above all the angels; I will sit on the mount of the congregation on the farthest sides of the north; I will ascend above the heights of the clouds, I will be like the Most High.

After hearing this God says: Yet you shall be brought down to Sheol, To the lowest depths of the Pit. And on your appointed day of Judgment, you and all those you have deceived will be cast into the lake of fire and brimstone where you shall be tormented day and night forever and ever.”

(From behind Lucifer’s angels approach him. Lucifer turns and addresses his angels)

Lucifer: We are not defeated. This is merely our Beginning. Heaven will be ours and God’s throne will be mine. I am Lucifer, the Bright and Morning Star.

(Back in Heaven, all the angels mourn over their Fallen brethren as all are gathered around God’s Throne. All 6 generals are before God’s Throne, covered by their wings)

God: Do not be disheartened by this most tragic event, my children. (He sees his generals troubled by their thoughts) Speak openly, my sons, what troubles you? (Uriel is the first to speak)

Uriel: Father, why did you not destroy Lucifer the moment he rebelled? You could have easily eliminated him.

Gabriel: And our brothers would not have fallen with him.

God: Do you really think that would have solved the problem? (No one answers) If I had immediately destroyed him, it would only have deepened the doubts and suspicions that he had put in your minds. His annihilation would have been seen as an attempt on my part to hide something from you. Fear of reprisal rather than love would have been the motivating reason for you to obey me.

Raphael: So then banishing them was the better choice?

God: Yes! It is best to let evil run its course, so that evil will not rise again. There would never be peace in Heaven if they were allowed to stay. A line had to be drawn, to see who was truly with Me, and all those with Lucifer had to be expelled from Heaven.

Shemyael: Father, if Lucifer the greatest of us all, could fall, does this mean that we were made defective?

God: No, I created you all perfect with free will. It is a blessing to be made with the freedom to choose. But with it carries a huge risk. You are free either to reject me or accept me.

Shemyael: Would it not have been best if we were created never to reject you, Father?

God: Would you really have loved Me, if you were made never to freely choose to reject or accept Me? You would only have obeyed My Will merely because I made you to obey. There is no true love, nor true worship in such a creation. You would only appear to love Me, yet you would have no choice but to obey Me. I made you all to love Me freely, to give Me your affection by your own choice, and given time our relationship will strengthen. Lucifer was the greatest example of one who had free choice.

Lee El: If Lucifer was made perfect, Father, then why did he rebel? We don’t understand what it was that drove him to rebel.

God: Because he was full of wisdom, he understood that the first shall be the last and the last shall be the first. He was the highest of all my creation. Yet, he understood that to be the greatest he would have to be the least and be the servant of all. He was supposed to be the greatest example of servanthood. And when I made Man, the last of my Creation and the least among my sons, to have dominion over all the Earth, I commanded all of you to serve Adam and Eve and their offspring. Lucifer, being the greatest would have to serve Man, yet he did not want to serve, and thus, he had no love in him. For, to be a servant is the greatest expression of love. There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends. Lucifer did not want to be just like Me, I who am Love, thus he sinned and opposed Me.

Michael: Truly you are Wise and Holy, Father. The bitter fruit of Satan’s rebellion will be made clear to all, for all will see his true nature, and You, Father, will have been vindicated.

God: Michael, bring down your covering wings and approach me. Do not be afraid, My Glory will not consume you. (Michael brings down his wings and approaches God and kneels down) You have humbly served me with unwavering faith. For this, I appoint you as Archangel Michael and you shall lead my entire army of angels. (a seal of authority is engraved on to Michael’s chest plate and helmet and a ring of power materializes on Michael’s ring finger on his right hand)

Michael: Thank you, Father, for blessing me with such honor...May I ask, is this the last rebellion we’ll see among my brethren?

God:....No! (From God’s perspective, He looks at Shemyael and Lee EL) There is one left.

Michael: Who is it, Father?

God: It is not for you to know, my son, go and return to your brethren. (Michael returns to the other generals and they all surround him and congratulate him. God looks on and says within Himself: How the mighty are fallen)

[FreddyCast]

Hey Friends, let’s see if you can survive this ultra long post. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Anyways,I have decided to post-pone my revisions, and instead prioritize on my other projects, especially the “Trinity Series” (It’s a vid series on the doctrine of the Trinity, where I go in depth scripture by scripture, verse by verse, all arranged by topic)

I’m not shelving my manga story, I’m still writing, just not as much as I want to. I’m still looking for a manga artist too. Also, I’ve decided to reveal the next 3 Chapters. Say hello to our second female protagonist and love interest to Nathan Cross.

LET THE CATFIGHTS BEGIN

Chapter 4- Meeting of a Childhood Friend

(Scene of a dark room surrounded by high tech equipment and giant computer monitors with the Cyborg Assassin in the center fixing his injuries and facing the center computer monitor while talking to a shadowy figure in the screen.)

Cyborg Assassin: WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THAT THE FALLEN ONE COULD AWAKEN HER POWERS BY KISSING HER DEAD BOYFRIEND?

Shadowy figure: It has been several centuries since the last time a Fallen One regained their powers. And yet, for the past few years more and more Fallen Ones have awakened their powers. However, with this particular Fallen One, we thought it unnecessary to inform you of this possibility since she was too busy running away, and thus, would never have the time to search for her partner.

Cyborg Assassin: WELL YOU THOUGHT WRONG. THAT KID GOT WHAT WAS COMING TO HIM. HE TOOK MY LAST GOOD EYE.

Shadowy figure: The Fallen One’s boyfriend is called a Destined One. And it seems they had already met in the past without our knowledge.

Cyborg Assassin: What does it matter? He’s dead now.

Shadowy figure: He’s still very much alive.

Cyborg Assassin: WHAT? BUT I KILLED HIM. I KNOW I DID. THAT PUNK IS GONNA REGRET HE EVER SURVIVED THE FIGHT.

Shadowy figure: Calm down. The Fallen One healed his wounds. They are probably on the run now. You must capture them quickly.

Cyborg Assassin: They won’t get far. No one can escape me.

Shadowy figure: You are no longer a match for the Fallen One, but if you can take the man’s life, then, she will die as well.

Cyborg Assassin: I can manage that. Leave everything to me. AND NEXT TIME YOU HAD BEST TELL ME EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW, ELSE I’LL COME AFTER YOU AND YOUR ORGANIZATION.

Shadowy figure: hahahahaha….Good. I expect to hear from you soon, Payne. Do not disappoint us.

(Scene changes to Nathan and Cayla in the house preparing themselves to leave. Nathan looks at his room)

Nathan: Seven years alone in this room. And now I’m leaving this place...(Nathan closes the door to his room and sees Cayla entering the kitchen)...with her. (He walks over to see Cayla checking the fridge. She sees very little food to take and opens a pizza box to see that it’s empty)

Cayla: Nathan, you barely have any food for us to take, why is that?

Nathan: Well, I’ve been living by myself for a long time. And I don’t buy that much food, since I don’t know how to cook. I go out to eat in restaurants or fast food joints.

Cayla: It explains the empty pizza box.

Nathan: Haha Yeah! Pizza is my favorite food to eat, pepperoni with jalapeños and extra cheese.

Cayla: Sounds unhealthy.

Nathan: Well, now that you’re here, you can keep me healthy, haha, just like before.

Cayla: Have you really been here all by yourself?

Nathan: Yes, I have. I got used to the solitude. But don’t worry, I kept myself occupied with reading books, religious texts, and fictional novels. I even got hooked on comic books and manga.

Cayla: Manga!?

Nathan: Uhh, manga is the Japanese version of comic books. Also, I still got to see other people, I just didn’t socialize as much, not since I lost my aunt and uncle.

Cayla: I’m sorry, what happened to them? (Nathan feels uncomfortable mentioning his aunt and uncle)

Nathan: ....Maybe another time.

Cayla: Oh, I understand. I saw a bachelor’s degree for Philosophy and Theology mounted in the living room wall.

Nathan: That thing. Haha...I pretty much wasted an opportunity to make something of my life there.

Cayla: Why didn’t you?

Nathan: ....Everything I did was for my family and friends. With everyone gone, what was the point? My aunt and uncle were the last family I had. Actually that’s not true, I still have a sister, Angelina, but I don’t know where she is.

Cayla: Why didn’t you make something of your life for her?

Nathan: Seven years and she hasn’t contacted me. She has my phone number yet she hasn’t called in all that time? (Nathan clenches his hands in anger and sadness)

Cayla: Maybe there’s a reason why she hasn’t called you.

Nathan: I don’t even know if she’s alive or dead anymore. She and I have been chased all our lives, and I still don’t know why? Now it’s just me...only me...(Nathan tilts his head down and looks at the palms of his hands and slowly closes his hands) I just want someone tangible here with me, someone to move me and give me purpose. (Calya grabs Nathan’s closed hands)

Cayla: Well I’m here, and I’m tangible. And this time I won’t leave you, not ever. (Nathan looks at Cayla and smiles)

Nathan: I know. Thank you, Cayla. You’ve always been my purpose ever since I met you. Now that you’re here, I can keep going. (Nathan turns to one side and feels his stomach where his stab wound once was)
Cayla: What’s the matter?

Nathan: We have to go now. Come on. (Nathan grabs his backpack from the kitchen table and stretches out his hand to Cayla)

Cayla: Ok! (Cayla grabs Nathan’s hand and they both leave the house. As they both pass through the door, Nathan lifts his other hand to his face and he kisses the tip of his fingers and immediately lays his hand on top of the “I’ll miss you Aunt Anna and Uncle Peter” carving [Read chapter 1] that’s outside next to the front door. Nathan says in his mind: Thanks, Aunt Anna and Uncle Peter, for everything)

(Scene changes to Nathan and Cayla riding a car on the highway.)

Cayla: Where are we going?

Nathan: Somewhere obscure where no one can find us.

Cayla: Do you know where that place is?

Nathan: Yes!......Cayla!

Cayla: Yes, Nathan?

Nathan: Are there anyone else like us out there. You know…together.

Cayla: There used to be, but now they’re gone.

Nathan: What happened?

Cayla: As soon as a Fallen One and Destined One give birth to a child, the Fallen One loses his or her angelic nature and turns into a normal mortal human, but he or she finally gains salvation through the Messiah.

Nathan: So they’re all dead.

Cayla: Their descendants live on.

Nathan: So how many of you Fallen Ones are left?

Cayla: I don’t know, but the last we all met it was around 120 or so.

Nathan: So only 80 of you gained salvation.

Cayla: No, of the 80 only half have been able to gain salvation and die. The others were killed.

Nathan: By whom?

Cayla: By those that tried to steal our powers or use us as weapons of war.

Nathan: Is that why that cyborg assassin is after you?

Cayla: Yes! He’s a hired assassin working for an organization that wants to find a way to break the mark God put on us to limit our angelic powers and use us as weapons of war. They want to capture Fallen Ones and experiment on us to see if they can remove the mark on our hands. Those that haven’t found their Destined Ones are captured and those that have already awakened their angelic powers are hunted down and killed in order to experiment on our dead bodies.

Nathan: Have they succeeded.

Cayla: No, they haven’t and they never will. It’s a foolish dream.

Nathan: Still they’re a threat to us, so….I can’t…..give you your salvation just yet.

Cayla: To be honest…..I would have let you...you know.... if we had both went to take a bath together...(Nathan blushes)

Nathan: You don’t need to say it.

Cayla: I know that would have been a mistake because we’re being hunted down, but I wouldn’t have cared. I’m sorry….I’m a bit selfish.

Nathan: There’s nothing to be sorry about.

(Small pause)

Nathan: There’s one thing that’s bugging me. The Giants were called Nephilim in the Bible, which usually means the Fallen Ones. So then, why are you called Fallen Ones. You’re certainly not Giants.

Cayla: The name stuck to us once the Nephilim Giants died out. We were the only fallen creatures left on Earth, other than Lucifer and his Fallen Angels.

Nathan: So that’s why you’re called Fallen Ones then. I’d rather call you my guardian angel.

Cayla: That’s sweet my love, but I’m not really a guardian angel type.

Nathan: Are you sure? I mean, your life is now linked to me, so you have to protect me at all cost.

Cayla: I guess you’re right. (Cayla laughs)

Nathan: I’m still uncomfortable with that though because I’m the one who’s supposed to protect you. You mean everything to me now and I don’t want to lose you, never again.

Cayla: You’ve protected me plenty my love, you proved that when you fought that assassin, but now it’s my turn. And don’t worry, you’ll never lose me, and I’ll never leave you again because you mean everything to me too. (Cayla puts her hand on top of Nathan’s hand, which is on the steering wheel. Nathan then grabs her hand and kisses her hand)

Nathan: Thanks, Cayla...We’re nearing a town now, let’s go get some supplies and some food to eat.

(Nathan and Cayla enter the town and decide to split up to get what they need and promise to meet up at the town park. They split up and Nathan gets the food while Cayla gets the supplies.)

(Scene changes to Payne driving his custom car on the highway and coming near a town)

Payne: I’m coming for you Fallen One, and your precious boyfriend. Both of you will pay for taking away my eyes. Maybe I’ll rip off one eye from both you and make them my own. The Boss might not like it, but he can take it off my pay. The price on her head is more than enough for me to retire from this dirty job of mine. Of course, I had fun making people suffer all the way through. And I’ll take pleasure in making you two suffer as well. Hehehehehe

(Scene changes to a beautiful woman dressed in Jewish clothing who is sitting on a bench in the park looking at her arm band with the Star of David and Eccl. 4:9-11 engraved on it.)

Azalia speaks to herself: Apart we fall. But together we’re stronger.

(She smiles, but with sadness in her eyes as she remembers these words from someone she once knew and has a flashback. In the flashback Azalia is in a training room teamed up with her partner whose face cannot be seen and are sparing with two other students)

Azalia: Are you ready?

Partner: As ready as I can be.

Azalia: Good, now remember we have to...

Partner: AAHHHH.

Azalia: Wait, don’t go charging in like that.

(The partner takes the two students on by himself. He throws his fists in a one-two pattern towards the first opponent and misses him. The second opponent comes from behind and does a round kick. Azalia’s partner sees it coming and counters with a sweeping kick, knocking the second opponent to the ground, but is blinded by another kick coming from the first opponent. He falls to the ground.)

Azalia: Are you ok?

Partner: Yeah, my face hurts though.

Azalia: That’s what you get for charging in like that without a plan and without your partner. This is a team effort.

Partner: Sorry, I was bit hard headed. It won’t happen again.

Azalia: Good thing, you had a hard head too. Most people get KO’d from a kick to the face. Hahaha

Partner: Hahaha. Yeah, that won’t happen again.

Azalia: Are you ready now?

Partner: As always

(Both Azalia and her partner go in and attack together. Each of them fight their respective opponents throwing kicks and punches while blocking incoming attacks)

Azalia: SWITCH!!!

(Azalia’s partner bends over while Azalia pushes her opponent back and cartwheels over her partner’s back, locking her kicks to her partner’s opponent, which knocks him back. Azalia’s partner rushes his new opponent. He dodges his punches and grabs one of his arms, throwing him over his shoulder and falling to the ground. Azalia also grabs her opponents hand and twists it, making the opponent spin and fall on his side)

Azalia: Now that’s teamwork.

Partner: You got that right.

(After the training is over, Azalia’s partner comes over to Azalia to give her something)

Azalia: Hey, watsup.

Partner: Hey Azalia, I just wanted to give you this.

Azalia: What is it? (The partner shows her an arm band)

Partner: It’s gift I bought for you. It has the Star of David. I know you and my mom were close friends. And under it I had a friend engrave Ecclesiastes 4:9-11. The passage wouldn’t fit, so it’s just the reference. (He gives the arm band to Azalia)

Azalia: Thanks, but...

Partner: But what? (Azalia giggles) What’s so funny?

Azalia: Do you really feel that way about me, Nathaniel?

Nathan: Feel like what way?

Azalia: I remember that verse 11 says “if two lie down together, they will keep each other warm”. Do you want to lie down with me?

Nathan: Seriously? No, wait Azalia. You got this all wrong. I...I...I...uhh....(Azalia giggles again)

Azalia: It’s alright, Nathaniel. I love the arm band. But, I can’t help feeling that you knew about the verse. (Nathan says in his mind: Nothing escapes your sight. I blew my chance)

Nathan: *big sigh* The arm band is supposed to represent us.

Azalia: Oh, and that is?

Nathan: Apart we fall, but together we’re stronger.
Azalia: That’s beautiful, Nathaniel.

(Back to the present)

Azalia: Are you really gone, Nathaniel?...We should have never split up that day...(Azalia gets up from the bench and starts walking away)

Azalia: Will I ever find you?

(Scene changes back to Nathan, who is the first to get what he came for and returns to the park. There he runs into a familiar face. He sees a beautiful woman dressed in Jewish clothing)

Nathan: Excuse me do I know you?

Azalia: Nathaniel, is it really you?

Nathan: I can’t remember who you are, but I haven’t been called Nathaniel in a long time.

Azalia (with great joy): It’s me Azalia.

Nathan: Azalia?.....Azalia, I remember now. (Azalia throws herself on Nathan to hug him. Nathan drops the bag of food and hugs Azalia and lifts her up in joy. She then puts her down and continues to talk) You cared for me ever since I was born. Where have you been all this time? I didn’t know whether you were dead or alive.

Azalia: Oh Nathaniel, I’m so sorry I didn’t go with you. I should have. I was looking all over for you when I couldn’t find you in New York. I thought something terrible had happened to you when I found your Mother’s house burnt down.

Nathan: But, everything is good now. You came back to me. It’s a miracle that we found each other here in this park.

Azalia: I didn’t want to believe that you were gone. So I never gave up searching for you.

Nathan: If I knew you were out there looking for me I’d have done anything to find you as well. But we’re here now.

Azalia: Yes, we’re finally together again. (Azalia hugs Nathan again.)

Cayla shouts while running: HEY NATHAN, I’M BACK. I got the supplies. (She sees Nathan holding Azalia much to her surprise) Nathan do you know her? (Nathan let’s go of Azalia to introduce her to Cayla)

Nathan: Yes! Her name is Azalia! (He speaks to Azalia) Azalia this is Cayla, my….girlfriend.

Cayla: Correction I`m his Wife. And he’s my Destined One. Nice to meet you again, Azalia. It’s been a long time.

Nathan with surprise: Cayla, you knew her already.

Cayla: Of course, she’s a Fallen One as well. She’s my sister.

Azalia: It can’t be. I was sure Nathaniel was my Destined One.

Cayla: What?

Azalia: I felt it back then, and I still feel it now.

Cayla: That`s impossible

Azalia: But it is. I’m not lying.

Nathan: Huh…wait, what’s going on?

Azalia: You were supposed to be mine, Nathaniel.

Cayla: Well even if that’s true Azalia, he’s mine now. A Destined One can’t have more than one Fallen One.

Azalia: No! (A tear starts to fall from her eye)

Cyborg Assassin Payne: Well, well, another touching reunion. All these tears make me sick. And I see another Fallen One. This is my lucky day. Two Fallen Ones means double the pay.

Nathan: How did he find us so quickly?

Cayla: I’ll handle him. (Nathan grabs her shoulder)

Nathan: No, Cayla, there’s too many people here. We have to leave.

Payne: Go ahead and run, I’ll give you 1 min. Sounds fair? (Nathan picks up the bag of food he put down)

Nathan: Azalia, come on, come with us. You’re not safe here. (He grabs Azalia’s hand)

Azalia: O…Ok!

(Nathan, Cayla, and Azalia run to the car and drive, leaving town.)

Payne: That’s it, run as fast as you can, but there’s nowhere you can hide from me.

(Scene changes to the mysterious white robed woman seeing Nathan and company leaving town)

Mysterious woman: Why has he gained the heart of another of my sisters? Father, I don’t understand? Nathan is just a mere man. This can’t be possible. I must see into his past.

Chapter 5- The Angelic Chase

As Nathan, Cayla, and Azalia leave town toward the open and empty road, Payne quickly catches up to them in his custom made car.

Nathan: This guy just won’t give up.

Cayla: It’s about time I end this already.

(Cayla jumps out the car and changes into her angelic form.)

Payne: Impatient are we? Well, let me show you what I can do.

Payne pops the top of his car and reveals some new equipment fitted on to his body (He looks like a dark version of Ironman). He propels himself into the sky.

Payne: You`re not the only one who can fly, Fallen One.

Payne pulls out two electric swords and flies towards Cayla intending to strike her down. Cayla keeps dodging his attacks.

Payne: Stop dodging you coward. (Payne tries to move faster but can’t seem to strike Cayla) How are you dodging my attacks? I’m going as fast as a jet fighter plane.

Cayla: It doesn’t matter how fast you’re going. You’ll never hit me.

Payne: Why you....STAND STILL AND DIE.

(Cayla stops dodging and instead stays put as Payne closes in on her. Payne strikes, but Cayla captures his left sword with her two hands and stops him in his tracks. The electric shock has no effect on her.)

Cayla: That tickles, you know.

Payna: What? Even if you caught the sword, just touching it should have electrocuted you.

(As Cayla holds to his left sword Payne begins to strike with his right sword, she moves the left sword to block his right sword. She kicks him back, taking away his left sword and breaking it with her leg while sparks of electricity shoot out from the broken sword. Seeing that he can’t defeat her in close range, Payne pulls out an electric whip and attacks her from a distance. He strikes with the whip and captures Cayla’s left arm. He pulls her in to strike her with his right sword. Instead, Cayla uses the pull of the whip to thrust herself towards Payne and attempts to get him before he strikes her with the sword. She is able to stop his right hand and twist it, making Payne drop the sword. He attempts to kick her but she captures his kick and throws him to the ground. He crashes and is severely damaged.)

(Scene changes to Nathan and Azalia being chased by Payne’s car, which is being driven by a computer program, and it unleashes an arsenal of automatic weapons. The bullets tear threw the back of Nathan’s Car. Azalia takes cover.)

Nathan: Azalia, open the glove compartment and get the Uzi.

Azalia: Where did you get this?

Nathan: Don’t you remember, Master Eli gave it to me for protection, but I was never any good at aiming, at least not as good as you. Use it to take out those weapons.

Azalia: Alright!

(Azalia takes the Uzi out and with superhuman skill is able to take out the weapons on Payne’s car. Some however, drop from the car and turn into mini-cars carrying weapons. They surround Nathan’s Car, and Azalia is able with some difficulty to take out some of the mini-cars, but she runs out of ammo.)

Nathan: There’s some extra ammo in the glove compartment.

(Azalia takes out two mags, but is unable to load in time to stop two mini cars which begin shooting through both sides of Nathan’s car, injuring Nathan on the side and on his left arm while grazing Azalia on several places. Azalia is then able to counterattack and take out both mini cars. Azalia sees Nathan’s injuries.)

Azalia: Nathaniel, you’ve been hit.

Nathan: hrrrm…Don’t worry about it. We still have to….

(Payne’s car begins to ram Nathan’s Car.)

(Scene changes back to Payne’s and Cayla’s fight.)

Payne struggles to get up from being thrown to the ground. Cayla slowly comes down, but still stays off the ground floating.

Payne: I can’t...believe...this is...happening.

Cayla: It’s over for you assassin.

Payne: Please, call me Payne. This is...nothing.

Cayla: I’m ending this game of cat and mouse.

Payne: hehehehehehehe…(coughs repeatedly)

Cayla: What’s so funny? Did I hit your head too hard?

Payne: Oh no, you’re mistaken Fallen One. You are no longer the mouse in this game.

Cayla: What?.....You mean….

Payne: YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!!

(As Cayla turns around to see in the direction of where Nathan`s car went, Payne strikes with his electric whip and binds Cayla’s body, causing her to land on her feet to the ground.)

Payne: No normal shock will do. How about we go all out. NOW BURN.

(Payne starts shocking Cayla with full power, but it has little effect. She gets up and with killer intent reveals her true angelic power.)

Cayla: Let me show you what a true electric shock is.

(Cayla breaks through the whip and grabs the part that is still intact.)

Payne: Wha...what are you?

Cayla: Your worst Nightmare.

(She starts to send out such furious power through the whip and towards Payne’s body that Payne’s body begins to spark out electricity and what is left of the electric whip explodes.)

Payne: NOOOOOOOOOOOO……..

(Payne collapses in smoke.)

Cayla: You’re finished Payne, you were a worthy foe.

(Cayla then quickly turns and flies at full speed to catch up to Nathan’s car. As she reaches Nathan’s Car, she sees Payne’s car ramming the back of Nathan’s Car. She quickly lands on top of Nathan’s car hood and with one hand tears the top of the car. Nathan is barely hanging on to consciousness and Azalia is helping to steer the car.)

Cayla, in shock at Nathan’s state, says: No...Nathan, I’m here.

Nathan says in a weakened voice: Cayla...

Azalia: Cayla, help us, that car is bullet proof and I can’t keep it at bay forever.

Payne’s car pulls out one final weapon, a Desert Eagle pistol and shoots at Nathan’s seat. Azalia sees it and jumps in front of the line of fire covering Nathan’s seat with her body. She takes 3 bullets to her body before Cayla quickly fires some lightning bolts from her hands and destroys the pistol as well as Payne’s Car. Nathan turns around to see that Azalia is bleeding from saving his life.

Nathan: AZALIA...are you alright? Please talk to me.

Azalia: I’m alright, at least you’re safe. Don’t push yourself.

Nathan: Thank goodne......

(Nathan passes out and Cayla grabs both Nathan and Azalia and flies away, leaving Nathan’s car to crash on the side of the road. She takes them to a nearby town and in an abandoned building where she lays both Nathan and Azalia down. She looks at Azalia who’s sleeping.)

Cayla: Thank you Azalia for saving Nathan’s life. I owe you one.

(Cayla kneels down to look at Azalia’s injuries.)

Cayla: The bullets missed your vitals, and you’re healing pretty nicely. I no longer see your scratches. You were always a tough one.

(She then lies down next to Nathan to embrace him in order to heal him of his injuries.)

Cayla: It will be alright Nathan. I`ll make you better…..I’m so sorry for leaving you. (she begins to sob)

(Azalia opens her eyes to see Nathan lying next to her. She stretches out her right hand and grabs hold of Nathan’s left hand. She closes her eyes with a smile on her face and a tear dropping from her right eye.)

Azalia’s thoughts: My Nathaniel!

(Scene changes to the mysterious white robed woman overlooking the abandoned building)

Mysterious woman: He escaped death once again. This man must truly be something else, to have escaped death twice. Of course, judging from his past, he’s already familiar with life and death situations.

Chapter 6- Azalia’s and Nathan’s Past

(Azalia and a 12 year-old Nathan are walking on a dirt path in the wilderness of Guatemala looking for herbs to take back home. Azalia is holding Nathan’s hand as she looks around for herbs)

Nathan: So what are we doing here, Azalia? (He looks around with a confused face)

Azalia: We’re here to find some herbs.

Nathan: Why can’t we just go to the store and buy some.

Azalia: You know why, Nathaniel. The people in the city have driven us out.

Nathan: Why? I don’t understand (He looks up at Azalia)

Azalia: Some people are just afraid of strangers. Your mom and I are not welcomed here, that’s why we live outside the city.

Nathan: My mom told me that we should not worry too much about the problems we’re in and that we should treat others with love and respect, even if others treat you badly.

Azalia: Your mother is wise. She’s such a saint. In life, we must learn to adapt to our situations, whether we live as the poor or as wealthy people. And we should never blame those around us for the situations we’re in. For now we just have to live smart. That’s why we’re here looking for herbs.

Nathan: That day we were driven out, my mom tried to save a couple she didn’t know. I didn’t see what happened though. So I’m still confused that we were kicked out of the city. But, mom says that putting your life on the line for others is the greatest sign that one has true love.

Azalia: ...That is what true sacrifice is. That love is even greater if one does it for those he loves. And even if that person loses his life, the person’s sacrifice can give birth to new life through his or her death.

Nathan: What does that mean, Azalia? (Azalia kneels down to grab some herbs)

Azalia: One day you’ll learn. (A crowd arrives and shouts at Azalia)

Nathan: Azalia, there’s a crowd coming towards us. (Azalia turns around to look and then turns back to collect more herbs)

Azalia: Ignore them. (The crowd shouts: Leave you demon, leave)

Nathan: They’re shouting at us. They’re calling us demons. (The crowd picks up rocks and Azalia doesn’t notice)

Azalia: They’re not calling you a demon, but me. (The crowd begins throwing the rocks)

Nathan: AZALIA WATCH OUT. (Nathan throws himself to cover Azalia’s back from the incoming rocks. The rocks hit Nathan and falls down on his knees)

Nathan: OUCH, that hurts. (Azalia turns quickly to see Nathan bleeding)

Azalia: NATHANIEL, you’re bleeding.

Nathan: I’m alright. At least you’re safe.

Azalia: Why did you do that?

Nathan: I wanted to protect you. (More rocks keep coming and Azalia easily grabs them and throws them to the ground)

Azalia: We’re not safe yet. Come on, let’s get out of here. (Azalia picks up an injured Nathan and they both run away)

Azalia says in her mind: You put your life on the line for me. You should stop pushing yourself to do crazy things like this, but that’s just who you are. (Azalia smiles at Nathan whose resting his eyes) My little hero! My Nathaniel!

(Back in the present, Azalia awakens to find Cayla standing in front of her.)

Cayla: What are you doing holding Nathan’s hand?

(Azalia let’s go of Nathan’s hand and sits up.)

Azalia: Oh….sorry….It’s a habit of mine when I took care of Nathaniel as a child. (Cayla folds her arms in front of her chest and looks seriously at Azalia)

Cayla: Really? Let me make this clear to you. Nathan is my Destined One, not yours.

(Cayla and Azalia look at each other with serious and intense eyes.)

Azalia: I understand, but you should realize my heart still yearns for him; even now my heart is calls for him. (She puts her hand above her chest)

Cayla: Enough, Azalia. You know that you can’t have him, so find someone else. (She raises her voice as she begins to get irritated)

Azalia: It`s been thousands of years since I last felt this. I’ve been searching for so long. There is no one else. I know Nathaniel is the one for me. (Azalia’s arms begin to tremble as she touches the ground in front of her with her hands while she is sitting)

Cayla: He was, but not anymore. (Azalia looks at Nathan, who is still asleep, with an upset face as If she’s about to cry.

Azalia: He is supposed to be mine and I’m supposed to be his. (Cayla brings down her arms to her waist and sees Azalia is feeling hurt over losing Nathan to her)

Cayla: Don’t push this sister, you know there’s nothing you can do.

(Azalia begins to feel very stressed over the situation and puts her hand next to her heart turning it into a fist.)

Azalia: But….

(Nathan wakes and sees Azalia hurt as if in pain.)

Nathan: Azalia are you alright? Are you hurting?

(Nathan sees that her bullet wounds have been totally healed.)

Nathan: Your wounds are gone. Then, what’s wrong Azalia?

Azalia: Your wounds are healed as well.

Nathan: huh…Yeah, they’re gone as well. Thank you, Cayla. But… you still haven’t answered me Azalia, there’s something bothering you.

Cayla interrupts: It’s nothing Nathan. What I would like to know is how you know Azalia.

Nathan: Uh… sure, but what about the Cyborg assassin?

Cayla responds with a proud look: Payne? He’s no longer a problem. I took care of him.

Nathan, concerned over Cayla’s tone, says: You didn’t kill him, did you? Please tell me you didn’t.

Cayla: I did

Nathan: You shouldn’t have.

Cayla sees that Nathan is not pleased over what she did and tries to justify herself: If I didn’t he would have fixed himself up and kept on hunting us.

Nathan: There’s….always another way.

Cayla, concerned over Nathan’s objection, says: Nathan…….I’m sorry, but it had to be done....Are you angry with me?

Nathan: ...No! No I’m not angry with you. How can I be? (Cayla feels relieved over Nathan’s response)...It’s fine, Cayla. Are we safe here, and where are we?

Cayla: We’re safe here and we’re in an abandoned building. But back to my first question, how do you know Azalia?

(Azalia and Nathan look at each other.)

Azalia: I’ll tell you how we know each other, starting from the beginning.

“I had been searching everywhere for my Destined One for many, many years, until I finally just gave up and hoped that he’d find me. I decided to settle somewhere secluded and ended up in Central America in Guatemala. I found a couple living outside a town. The woman, who was a Jewish German lady and pregnant, was only a few days away from giving birth. So I asked the man, a local Indian”

(Scene of Azalia talking with Pedro Solis)

Azalia: Sir, may I be your servant. I need a place to live. My legs are tired from walking so much. (Azalia has her arms in front of her with her hands folded together revealing the mark on her right hand. Pedro sees the mark on her hand)

Pedro: Ah, I see, so you’re one of them. (Azalia looks puzzled over Pedro’s statement)

Azalia: Huh?

Pedro: Yes, you can come and stay with us. What’s your name, young lady?

Azalia: My name’s Azalia.

Pedro: Nice to meet you, Azalia. My name is Pedro Solis, (He presents his wife by putting his arm around her) and this is my lovely wife, Krista Solis.

Krista: It’s nice to meet you, Azalia.

Pedro: Come and we’ll show you where we live. But be warned, I’m very strict about keeping strangers in my house.

Azalia: Thank you, sir. Don’t you worry, I’ll serve your family very well. (Azalia is filled with joy as she follows them to where the couple lives)

(Azalia narrates)

When the time came for the lady to give birth I was there to help. They gave birth to a boy and a girl. The boy was named Nathaniel and the girl was named Angelina. For their whole childhood I took care of them and loved them as if they were my own. That is, until the boy reached puberty. Then my heart began responding to him. I knew then that he was my Destined One, but at that time a group of assassins were looking for me. They found out where I was because of rumors of a person with superhuman strength who saved a couple from a potential car accident. That person was me. Krista, Nathan’s mom, saw the car coming so she jumped to save them, but I was there with her and I jumped in front of the car and stopped it with my own hands. The crowd around couldn’t believe what happened and some started to call me a demon for having such unnatural strength. We were driven out of the city that very same day. It was because of this incident that these assassins had come looking for me. I didn’t want to leave my new family, especially since Nathaniel was my Destined One. So I decided to face the assassins and defeat them if I could, but before I could Nathaniel’s father had already engaged them in a gun battle.”

Pedro: AZALIA, take my and children and hide them somewhere safe. I know these men are after you...and my son.

Azalia: But sir, what about you?

Pedro: Don’t worry about me, NOW GO. (Pedro continues to shoot at the enemy with his AK-47, hoping to distract them long enough for Azalia to escape)

“That was the last time I saw Nathaniel’s father. I never saw him die, but he must have, since no mere human, no matter how good he is, could take on that many assassins. As soon as I reached the mother and her children I told her everything. She decided that it be best to separate the children. She would take Angelina to the U.S., while I took Nathaniel to Israel where her family was living. So that’s what we did. I had always had a suspicion that Nathaniel’s parents knew more about the assassins and about me than they let on. When I arrived at Israel, I took Nathaniel to the mother’s family relatives, named the Yosef Family. There we stayed for the next three years. Nathaniel and I did everything together. People started calling us a couple. That made me so happy to hear that.”

Nathan blushes and Cayla interrupts: Azalia!!

Azalia continues: “This is also about the time when Nathaniel learned Krav Maga from Master Eli Yosef. Nathaniel and I would sometimes be spar partners. Of course, I would always win.”

Nathan interrupts smiling: Yeah I let you win.

Cayla glares at Nathan and Nathan says: Sorry…continue

Azalia smiles and continues: “When Nathaniel was 15 years old, he was caught in a family feud because of me. Krista’s German Family from her dad’s side, were fighting for my hand in marriage. I didn’t know why until later. Krista’s half-sister, Klara Wolf, had a son named Dietrich Wolf, who wanted to marry me. However, one of their spies had caught me kissing Nathaniel during his sleep.”

Cayla interrupts: What?

Azalia: It was something I would do every night Nathaniel was deep in sleep. We were living in the same room in different beds.

Nathan: I never knew about that, Azalia.

Azalia: Nathaniel, tell me…..did you ever feel anything for me?

Nathan: I….you were my caretaker and I was still young. I was afraid to show you how I really felt about you. You were always my partner in everything that we did. And you were always kind and caring, and….beautiful. Even now you haven’t changed. I finally know why. It’s because you’re a Fallen One. It also explains why you have that mark on your right hand. I always wondered about that ever since I was a kid, even when we were sparing in the training grounds.

(Scene of Nathan and Azalia sparing in the training room. After a few moves and hits, Azalia gets the upper hand and beats Nathan. Then they both lay on the floor)

Nathan: Man, Azalia. That hurt. Best 3 out of 4?

Azalia: So I can beat you again? (Both Nathan and Azalia laugh) You know, we could trade sparing partners.

Nathan: Flat chance, I’m gonna beat you one day. So, you’re the only partner I want.

Azalia: Do you mean that?

Nathan: Yeah, there’s no one else for me. (He sees a mark on her right hand) Azalia, I was wondering what is that mark on your right hand.

Azalia: This thing....I’ll tell you if you tell me one thing. What do you think of me?

Nathan: You’re a great fighter. You’re really tough, strong, and quick.

Azalia: I meant as a woman?

Nathan: huh...oh, well....you’re...really amazing.

Azalia: And?

Nathan: And I...why are you asking me this?

Azalia: I want to know how you feel about me. I want to know if you want me to be more than just a partner to you.

Nathan blushes and says: I care about you...and you mean a lot to me, but...

Azalia: But, what? (She sees Nathan conflicted and says in her mind: What am I doing? You’re still too young.) Forget it, I was joking.

Nathan: You were? Oh... (Nathan feels disappointed at himself and says in his mind: I should have confessed to her. Ahhh, why am I such a coward?)

Azalia: Come on we have to go, Master Eli won’t like us being late for bed. (Azalia gets up and lends Nathan a hand. They then both leave holding hands)

Nathan: I’ll win next time. (Azalia cheerfully laughs)

(Back to the present)

Cayla gets irritated and says: Just get back to the Family Feud you were talking about, will you?

Azalia: “Later that night, I found out that I was being watched one day and chased down the spy. He had already informed the Wolf Family about my relationship with Nathaniel and the Wolf Family decided to pressure the Yosef Family into getting rid of Nathaniel. They even threatened to use their power as a Corporation to buy away the Yosef Family’s land and leave them with nothing if they didn’t agree to get rid of Nathaniel. I also found out from the spy that they were connected with the Assassins that were hunting me down. The Assassin’s organization was named Leviathan. That organization was familiar to me since they were the ones who were killing my brothers and sisters for the past thousands of years. Apparently, they were planning to force me to marry Dietrich in order to apprehend me.”

Nathan: I finally understand why Master Yosef told me to run to America. “Yosef had one day told me to meet him at his training grounds. I met him there, but he attacked me. (Scenes of Nathan and Master Yosef fighting).

Nathan: Master Eli, why are you doing this? I don’t understand what’s going on? (Master Eli grabs hold of Nathan, puts his right foot behind Nathan’s right leg and pins him down to the floor)

Nathan: Ugh...Master?

Eli Yosef: Listen to me my son. Some corporation wants me to kill you...but I won’t. (Sounds of footsteps are surrounding the training room outside. Eli looks at the door) They’re already here. (Eli turns back around to look at Nathan) Listen carefully, Nathan, find your mother and sister in New York City, leave this place. I’ll hold them off.

Nathan: But, Master?

Eli Yosef: No buts, GET OUT OF HERE NOW. AZALIA I KNOW YOU’RE HERE. TAKE NATHAN TO THE AIRPORT. (Azalia comes out from behind one of the pillars)

Nathan: You were here all this time.

Azalia: I’m sorry, Nathaniel. We have to go now (She picks Nathan up from the floor and they leave from the back, knocking out a few enemies while escaping. Master Eli stays behind fighting off the rest by himself)

(Back to the present)

Azalia: Yosef held them back and that’s when Azalia came out of nowhere, knocked the enemy out and took me to the airport to board an airplane that was headed towards New York. I didn’t want to cause Nathaniel anymore trouble while he was still young, so I told him at the airport....

(Scene of Azalia leading Nathaniel by the hand outside the airport)

Azalia: Go, Nathaniel, I can’t come with you. (She stops and lets go of Nathaniel)

Nathan: What, why not?

Azalia: I just can’t.

Nathan: But why? Azalia, I want you to come with me, please. (Nathaniel grabs Azalia’s hand)

Azalia gently pushes away Nathaniel’s hand away: They’re after me, Nathaniel. If I go with you, they’ll come after you too.

Nathan: I don’t understand. Why would they be after you? Why would they want to kill me because of you?

Azalia smiles slightly and says: You still don’t get it, do you? Nathaniel listen to me, go find your mother and sister and hide with them for a while.

Nathan grabs and hugs Azalia tightly: Azalia, please come with me. I don’t want to leave you.

Azalia: Look at me....when you’re older, I promise I will find you. Just...please wait for me. (Nathan is still holding her hands) Now, let go of me.

Nathan: I can’t. You’re my family, you’re my partner. No, you’re more to me...Azalia, I....

Azalia: Stop, there’s no more time. Now go (Nathan nervously lets go of her hands) GO NOW! (Azalia’s lips tremble a bit. Nathan pauses a bit and reluctantly leaves.)

Nathaniel says in his mind: Why is this happening? Why am I being hunted? Azalia please stay safe and come back to me.

As he enters the airport and the airport doors close behind him Azalia is filled with sadness and says: My Nathaniel!

(Back to the present)

Azalia: I ran into hiding to escape from the family feud. When it was Nathaniel’s 18th birthday I went looking for him in New York City but never found him.

Azalia looks at Nathan and says: I’ve been trying to find you ever since, until I bumped into you yesterday. I was going to make you my Destined One when you turned 18 years old, but I lost my opportunity.

Nathan: Azalia, I did have feelings for you, but why didn’t I become your Destined One when you kissed me in my sleep.

Azalia: You had to be conscious and you had to be a fully grown man who was truly in love with a Fallen One, like me. I’m sorry Nathan, if I knew you loved me back I would have gone with you, no matter the dangers.

Nathan: No, I`m sorry, I should have been honest with you about my feelings for you.

Cayla: Azalia, you may have been the first one to love him, the first one to know him, but our Father chose me and Nathan to be together.

Azalia: I’m done searching for another man, Cayla. There’s no one else out there for me. I’ve tried for so long. I want no one else but Nathaniel. My goal is to attain salvation, but it means nothing to me without Nathaniel. (Nathan is amazed by how strongly she feels about him)

Nathan: Azalia!

Azalia: Nathaniel is rightfully yours Cayla, I won’t get in the way of your love for him. But please let me at least have this feeling I have in my heart for him. Let me serve and care for Nathaniel like I always have.

Cayla: It’s clear to me you love Nathan, but if you want to be with him, all you`ll ever be to him is a servant, and nothing more. I still insist that you search for your own Destined One, but I know you won’t. So you can stay with us for now.

Nathan: I agree, please stay with us, Azalia, but as a close friend, not a servant. You deserve that after everything you’ve done for me.

Azalia: Thank you….so much (she smiles as she is glad to have returned to Nathan).

[FreddyCast]

Hey Brothers and Sisters,
For those of you who read my story all the way through, I want to thank you so so so much. I just feel like I want to
Also, I had this CRAZY idea. I'd love for any and all CAA artist members to contribute to this manga story. I'm not asking for anyone to be my manga artist, although I would be glad if someone did decide to be my manga artist. I'm merely asking for anyone and everyone to participate in drawing up concept art of my characters, or drawing up a scene that you like from the story (for example, Nathan watching TV lol, or your favorite fight scene or romantic scene). You have free range to design my characters anyway you like, just the way you'd imagine it.

Once you draw your picture, you can either email me your drawing at [email protected]
or you can upload it to your gallery website, or wherever it is that you upload your drawings and you can message me the link
so I can post it here for all to see.

If you drew a certain scene, message me what that scene is and from what chapter it's from, that way I can post it into the manga story itself.
Your not obligated to do anything, but to let your creativity run wild. Think of this as practice and honing your skills as an artist.
I'd like to see CAA come together in one place and contribute to something together as a group. I would be honored if that thing was my manga story.

Finally, I'll be posting the next chapter of my story (introducing the next female protagonist: Iva) a week or so from now, maybe sooner.

That's it, be blessed of God, my Friends.

[FreddyCast]

Hey Friends, I just wanted to share with you guys my first ever concept drawing of an awakened Fallen One (angelic form). I uploaded one with a full view and one with a close up view. I'm no manga artist, but I did my best. I call it....
"An Innocent, yet fierce Warrior Angel"
http://s1336.photobucket.com/user/Freddy_Castaneda/media/My%20Artwork/freddysdrawing_zps4375a6e0.png.html?sort=3&o=1#/user/Freddy_Castaneda/media/My%20Artwork/freddysdrawing_zps4375a6e0.png.html?sort=3&o=1&_suid=136539903228109145208852112278
Tell me what you guys think.

[FreddyCast]

Hey friends, it's been a week now. So, as promised, it's time I introduced the third female protagonist: Iva
Enjoy these two chapters.

Chapter 7- The Scarred Fallen One

(Scene of where Payne was defeated. He is no longer there. Instead, the ground shows signs of someone dragging itself away from the site)

(Scene then changes to a monitor with the shadowy figure that Payne was talking to before.)

Shadowy figure: You failed us Payne, but it’s to be expected. And that Destined One has another Fallen One with him. Interesting! Why don’t you fix yourself up Payne, or whatever is left of you, you may still be of use to us. Hahaha.

Monitor shuts off and Payne yells in anger and pain: arrraaAAAAHHHHHRRRRG

(Scene changes to the shadowy figure in a darkened room with others sitting around a table.)

Unknown figure #1: This Nathan kid must be eliminated at once. He’s been a thorn on our side for too long.

Unknown figure #2: Send in Takeshi and his men to find and kill this Destined One. Then capture his Fallen One’s dead body and the other one accompanying them, preferably alive.

Unknown figure #1: Yes, Takeshi and his men are well suited for covert operations. Plus, their numbers will overwhelm them.

Shadowy figure: They have already been sent and have already found the targets. This will be fun to see how this unfolds.

Unknown figure #3: You work fast, Mr. Hector. How do you do it I wonder?

(Shadowy man makes an evil grin.)

(Scene changes to Nathan, Cayla, and Azalia continuing from where they left off.)

Nathan: Alright then. We have to get going. We don’t have our supplies with us anymore.

Cayla: They were all in the back of the car, right?

Azalia: Yeah, but they were blown away when the assassin’s car tore through the back of the car with its guns.

Nathan: I’m hungry, and we need a change of clothes.

Cayla: I’m hungry as well.

Azalia: Me too.

Nathan: Then let’s leave this place.

Cayla: The exits over here, let`s go.

(Calya opens the door while looking back at Nathan. Nathan is shocked as he sees a masked man wielding a katana outside the door ready to strike, with others behind him)

Nathan: CAYLA LOOK OUT.

Masked men with katanas are at the door and the one in front thrusts his sword in an upward angle. Cayla turns around in time to dodge the attack and begins to dodge the enemies’ attacks and single handedly disarm and knock them out. More enemies come and attack and Azalia joins in the fight.

Azalia: Nathan, stay back, you don’t need to put yourself in danger.

As he sees Cayla and Azalia fighting off the attackers while more and more of them come in from everywhere, Nathan says: I can’t stay back and watch, I have to help them. (So he joins in the fight)

(Both Azalia and Nathan work as a team and easily take out the wave of enemies. At one point they look at each other and smile as they remember their time as sparing partners, but soon they get separated. Cayla is still holding her own, Nathan is able to take care of his enemies, but Azalia is about to be struck down by an enemy coming at her back. Nathan comes to her rescue and is able to knock him out.)

Azalia: Thanks Nathaniel!

Nathan: No problem. (but then Azalia looks in horror as she sees a katana come out of the shadows from behind Nathan and a haunting and villainous voice is heard)

Takeshi: Time to die.

(Nathan turns around and barely dodges Takeshi’s katana, missing his head by inches. He looks around and doesn’t see Takeshi anymore)

Nathan: Where did he go?

(Takeshi once again comes out of the shadows to strike Nathan from behind.)

Azalia screams: BEHIND YOU!

(Nathan turns around but is struck in the chest with Takeshi’s katana. However, for some reason it will not penetrate. Both Cayla and Azalia are in shock that Nathan has not been penetrated as well)

Takeshi: What? What’s going on?

(Takeshi then tries to force the katana into Nathan’s chest, but it only pushes Nathan towards the wall, pinning him to the wall, yet he still is not penetrated. Then a light shines from Nathan’s chest , revealing a fire symbol. Then fire begins to encircle Nathan and Takeshi’s katana begins to heat up and burn his hand, so he let’s go of it. His katana stays put on Nathan’s chest. Finally a bright light engulfs Nathan and immediately disappears, revealing a beautiful Asian woman dressed in dirty and wet clothing and full of scars all over her body and face. She stands in front of Nathan and looks at his face with a calm, yet happy demeanor.)

Iva softly says: Nathan!

(Nathan looks with great surprise.)

Nathan: Iva! ...I thought you died.

(She then pulls out Takeshi’s Katana from Nathan’s chest and the fire symbol on his chest disintegrates. Then she turns around and flames begin to engulf the katana. All the enemies look in fear, but Takeshi is nowhere to be found.)

Both Cayla and Azalia say in astonishment: Iva

(Iva then swings her sword so quickly that flames shoot out of the sword and burns anything that is in its line of fire. She does it a few more times and she completely defeats all the enemies in the building. However, so much power flowing out of Iva’s body begins to put stress on her body and she begins to heat up. Out of the shadows, Takeshi attacks Iva from above with a spare sword and Iva blocks his attack, but is brought to her knees struggling to hold Takeshi’s sword back.)

Iva says in disdain: Takeshi!

Takeshi: It’s been a long time, Iva. You look horrible.

Iva: And you’re just as unpleasant as I remember.

Takeshi: My sword! Give it back to me.

Iva: Your sword? It's mine, you took it from me.

(With no more enemies to interfere, Cayla is able to have enough time to transform into her angelic form and strike Takeshi with lightning. Takeshi sees it coming and he retreats into the shadows, Cayla uses her body to shoot out a burst of light to shine the whole building, but Takeshi is nowhere to be found. The remaining enemies outside the building retreat.)

Nathan runs to Iva’s side and says: Iva, are you ok?

Cayla: You know her too, Nathan?

Nathan: What do you mean?

Azalia: She’s a Fallen One, like us. She’s our sister, but how is she able to use her angelic powers? Did she find her Destined One? Where is he?

Cayla: And what are you doing here? How do you know Nathan?

Nathan: Girls, please not now. We have to get out of here to my place, the one that I was trying to get Cayla to before we were attacked by Payne and these Katana wielding freaks.

Azalia: You’re right Nathan, we have to go now.

Cayla: Yes, we’re sorry Iva, this isn’t the time.

Nathan: Let’s take a bus; I still have enough money in my pocket to get us a ride to my place. And there’s food and clothes there. Are you able to get up, Iva?

Iva: Yes, Master Cross

Cayla: Master? (Nathan helps Iva to her feet and puts her arm around his shoulders to help her walk)

Nathan: Come on let’s go.

Cayla: You seriously aren’t curious as to why she called you Master for?

Nathan: I am, but all that matters to me is that she’s with us now. She can explain later.

(They go to get on a bus that is headed towards El Dorado, Tx. Once they are on the bus Nathan sits next to Iva, while Azalia and Cayla sit on the other side of the bus.)

Cayla then says: Since it’s going to take a while for us to arrive at our destination, this is a perfect time to ask Iva some questions.

Nathan: We’re not here to interrogate Iva, she’s a very good friend of mine.

Iva: It’s alright Master Cross.

Nathan: Are you sure?

Iva: Yes, as long as I can rest and be near you, I can answer any questions you want. So, what do you want to know?

Cayla says in a loud voice: First, How do you know Nathan? And how can you use your angelic powers? And that fire symbol on Nathan’s body?

Azalia: Don’t throw so many questions at her, Cayla. And keep it quiet, there’s still people on the bus, you know. It’s better to ask, what happened to you Iva? Last time I saw you, you were at your own Japanese temple decades ago.

Iva: Yes, I was. “I was at a temple I constructed myself. And I wore a Japanese priestess dress, even though I wasn’t a priestess of anything. I was the only caretaker of the temple for years. The temple was meant to be a refuge for Japanese Christians, and later a place where Christians could congregate and preach. The temple was also a way for me to find my Destined One, with many of the faithful coming to visit.

(Scene of Iva saying goodbye to the visiting Christians as they’re leaving the Temple)

Iva: Come back soon, my friends. I’m always here to serve you.

An old Fellow Japanese Christian: Take good care of yourself my daughter.

Iva: I will!

Fellow Christian: You’re such a nice and humble woman. I hope to see you soon, God willing.

Iva: Thank you. God be with you all always. (She waves goodbye. A storm approaches and as they leave, Iva has a disappointed look on her face) *sigh* Another day and I still haven’t found my Destined One. (Then her face changes to a serious and watchful demeanor.) Still, it’s a good thing I didn’t find him today.

(She goes back inside the temple and walks to the center of the room. As she reaches the center she stops)

Iva: Come out of the shadows already. I know you’re here. (masked samurai’s appear out of the shadows)

Takeshi: So, it’s true what they say about the Fallen One’s heightened senses. This will be interesting to watch. Go on men...Attack! (All the masked samurais attack Iva, but they all are disabled and knocked out by Iva)

Takeshi: Impressive, but do you really think you’ve won. Heheh...MEN, come out(More enemies pour in to the temple from the shadows. Iva then grabs her katana that was hanging on the wall, but she keeps it sheathed.)

Takeshi: It was really hard finding you, ever since your Master died. (Takeshi kneels and puts his hand on the floor.) I bet this is where you took his body and buried him. Underneath this temple you’ve built I presume.

Iva: tck!

Takeshi says with a grin: I guess I’m right judging by that look of disdain on your face.

Iva: How do you know about me?

Takeshi: The Shinigami with the cursed mark on her right hand. You made quite a name for yourself here in Japan. I wonder what you did to earn the name Shinigami, god of death, the Reaper.

(Iva stays silent)

Takeshi: Well, the past is the past. What matters to me now is your capture. (He raises his hand towards Iva signals his men) Attack!

(As the enemies attack her, she uses her sheathed sword to knock the enemies out without killing them.)

Takeshi: Are you telling me the Shinigami won’t kill a human no matter what. (As Iva elbow strikes the last enemy to the face, knocking him unconscious, she turns to confront Takeshi. She then proceeds to unsheathe her katana)

Iva: NO! There’s one exception. These men have not lost their humanity yet, but you...I smell the stench of dead corpses in you. (Iva senses a foul aura surrounding Takeshi)

Takeshi: ...I’m very much alive, Fallen One.

Iva: But you’re different from the rest. You gave up your humanity, and now a foul spirit resides in you. There’s no way for you to be saved, except if God himself would interfere.

Takeshi: Saved? Why would I need saving? ... (Both Takeshi and Iva stare at each other with killer intent) No matter. Let’s end this. Come at me, Fallen One.

(Iva Charges Takeshi, but he disappears and reappears somewhere else. Iva attacks again, but Takeshi again disappears and reappears somewhere else)

Iva: How are you doing this?

Takeshi: Aw, come on, Fallen One, I thought with your heightened senses you’d know by now. (Iva keeps attacking)

Iva: Are you even human?

Takeshi: Why don’t you come and find out. (Iva attacks again, but she realizes it’s useless)

Iva: This is pointless. It’s like he’s using the shadows to vanish and appear somewhere else. I need to shine light into this temple.

Takeshi: This is no challenge. You’re finished. Men...attack. (More enemies come and attack Iva, but she is caught off guard when Takeshi hits her on the head with the handle of his sword. The others then overcome and grab her, putting her to the wall and stabbing her arms and legs, pinning her to the wall. She is unable to move. As Iva is pinned to the wall, Takeshi says...)

Takeshi: Amazing, you’re still holding on to your sword. You’re very determined aren’t you? I like that kind of strength in people. My men really had a hard time stopping you. I got to say, I’m a bit jealous. I want that kind of strength, that kind of power.

Iva: Let me go, human, if you’re even one anymore.

Takeshi: You’re in no position to tell me what to do. I think I’ll take that katana you’re holding. (Takeshi strikes Iva’s hand, making her let go of the sword. He picks up the sword and examines it)

Takeshi: A marvelous piece of workmanship. I bet this is where you get your strength from. Hehehe. Take her away. Let the Leviathan organization do with her as they please. Oh, and burn this place to the ground.

Iva: No, you can’t....(Takeshi strikes her abdomen with the handle of the katana, knocking her unconscious.)

(Iva narrates) I woke up later in a prison of metal tied up with metal bars. For decades I was tortured and experimented on by an organization named Leviathan, They did this all so they could find a way to remove my mark and harness my angelic powers. That is why I have all these scars on my arms, legs and face. They also moved me from one facility to another. They used all kinds of demonic incantations and spells, as well as surgically cutting off the mark from my hand, but the mark would survive anything they would do to it. However, they were finally able to crack the mark after constantly burning the mark with such extreme heat for weeks. It seemed to me they were running out of ideas and their persistence got them half way, but they were never able remove my mark, instead my angelic powers reacted to the extreme heat and were flowing out of me at an unstable rate.

(Scene of Iva chained on the wall.)

Iva: hhrrrraa. This is impossible....I...can’t stop....my powers. The flames...Keep pouring out. (Iva sees the flames melting away the bars)

Iva: Huh? I’m...melting the chains. (After the flames melt through the chains, Iva falls down to the floor and is unable to get up)

Iva: I’m free. But this is too much. I’m too weak. I can’t move....can’t stop the flames...the heat. (Iva melts through the floor and falls down hard to the next floor.)

Iva: guhhah...that hurt. I melted through the floor? But, I can’t get up. (Iva struggles to move any part of her body, but she melts through the floor and falls again to the next floor)

Iva: guhhah...No...am I going to melt through to the center of the Earth. I have to stop. (Iva melts the floor again falls again on to another floor)

Iva: guh...hrra... Somebody....Please ...Help. (Iva says in her mind: My power is going to consume me)(Iva melts through the last floor and lands in water. She slowly floats down and sees an outline of the facility)

Iva says in her mind: A....ship? ....I was in a ship? (The water begins cooling down her body) My body....it’s stabilizing. I can finally move. I have to get out of here. (Iva swims for some distance and starts to head to the surface for air.)

Iva: buhhhhh....(She looks to see the ship in flames) My prison was a ship in the middle of the ocean, but which ocean? (She sees the ship moving) I have to leave before it finds me. But where should I go? (She looks in all directions) I’ll just follow the flow of the ocean.

(Back to the present, Iva narrates)They searched for me, but couldn’t find me. I swam until I ended up in New York City. Any attempt at using my angelic powers for longer than a few seconds and I would lose control of it. I ended up living as a vagabond in the streets of New York City, too weak to do anything. That is when I met Nathan.”

Chapter 8- The Vagabond Beauty

Nathan: I never realized you had such a terrible past before you met me, Iva.

Azalia: How did you meet Iva, Nathaniel?

Nathan: “I was 16 years old at the time and was living in New York City after I left Israel. I had to change my name from Nathaniel Solis to Nathan Cross to hide my identity from the Wolf Family, in case they still wanted to pursue and kill me. I didn’t really mined the name change, since most people called me Nathan anyways. I would always take a walk around New York to check the sites.

(Scene of Nathan walking the streets of New York City)

Nathan: It’s a cold day today. Like always, I guess. (Nathan says in his mind: The news said that a woman died in a terrorist bombing in Israel. Was that her? The description certainly sounded like her.)

Nathan: NO! It can't be her. I know she's still alive...she has to be...but....(He stops to see snow falling) Snow, this early? (Nathan hears an odd noise coming from an alley, like someone crying) Huh? Is someone crying?

(Nathan walks over to see a lady hiding underneath a cardboard box and covering her body with a torn blanket)

Nathan: Was she the one crying? Man, I feel sorry for her. I wonder if I can help. (He addresses the woman) Miss, miss! Were you crying? (Iva slowly looks up to see Nathan and Nathan sees dry lines on Iva’s face coming from her eyes, but is surprised at who he sees)

Nathan says in his mind: My goodness, she’s so young and beautiful. More than that, she looks Asian and is covered in scars. This is weird. Why is a person like her doing in a place like this? (Iva slowly goes back to lay on the ground ignoring Nathan)

Nathan: Uhh...miss. (Iva turns her head slightly to look at Nathan again.) Hi, my name is Nathan Cross.

(Iva stays silent)

Nathan: What’s your name?....(He looks at Iva’s poor state and then looks at her emotionless face and dead-looking eyes) You don’t deserve to live like this….I don’t have any money to give you, but here, you can take my jacket, it gets really cold at night. Plus, it’s snowing, so... (Iva doesn’t move nor does she take the jacket) I...I’ll leave it right here next to you….I`ll come back tomorrow, I promise.

(Nathan leaves and Iva looks at the jacket. She remembers Nathan’s promise of returning tomorrow and she grabs the Jacket and puts it on.)

(Iva narrates) “Master Cross kept his promise. Each day he would visit me and give me food, clothing, blankets, and small trinkets to decorate my place. He would even eat with me.”

(Scene of Nathan visiting Iva)

Nathan: Hey there, I bought some burgers. Mind if I eat my burger with you? (Iva looks up at Nathan and then looks down)

Nathan: I thought you would like some company for a change...but I see you’d rather be alone. Here! (Nathan leaves a bag containing a burger next to Iva)

Nathan: Well...I’ll come to see you tomorrow. (Iva stretches out her arm and with her hand taps the ground motioning Nathan to sit next to her) Huh? You want me to sit down with you? (Nathan sits down and Iva takes out the burger to eat it. Nathan smiles at seeing Iva eating the burger he gave her. So he begins to eat his burger as well)

Nathan stops eating and says: I wish you didn’t have to live like this. (Iva has her head down and carefully listens to Nathan) You deserve better than this. (Nathan looks at Iva with a concerned look) Sometimes I wonder if you can even hear me. But, I don’t know, maybe I’m being a bother to you, coming to visit you every day. How come a stranger like me is doing so much for you? I guess it just feels wrong seeing someone like you out here all alone in the cold, with no one to care for you, no one to help you when you need it....Forgive me, I’m saying too much.

(Iva looks at Nathan and Nathan notices her looking at him. Nathan sees Iva’s mouth opening and closing as if she’s trying to say something, but no words come out. Iva, unable to say anything turns around and crawls back to her make-shift bed in order to lay down and rest. Nathan is upset over Iva’s humble and poor state as he sees the scars on her arms and face.)

Nathan: I’m sorry...I’m sorry that no one came to your rescue. I’m sorry that you had to suffer so much. I wish I had borne your scars in your place. You must have gone through something really awful. (Iva is surprised by what Nathan says, yet still keeps a calm and emotionless face and closes her eyes. Nathan gets up after seeing Iva close her eyes)

Nathan: Goodnight...miss. I’ll come to visit you tomorrow. (As he turns around to leave, Iva speaks)

Iva: Thank you. (Nathan turns back around to see Iva with her eyes still closed as she goes to sleep)

Nathan smiles and says: You’re welcome. Anything for you! (Nathan leaves)

(Iva narrates) After visiting me for 40 days I finally told him…

(Scene of Nathan and Iva sitting together and eating)

Iva: Why are you doing this for me? (Nathan is surprised that Iva finally says something)

Nathan: Well, you’re not the only homeless person I help around these parts, but you’re different...Seeing the way you are...it makes me care about you…I don’t know what happened to you or what you’ve been through for you to end up here, but….I know that inside you’re sad and that you want someone by your side….I want you to smile….I want you to be happy.

(Tears flow from Iva’s eyes and Nathan gets up and turns to leave unaware of her tears. She reaches to grab Nathan’s shirt as she has her head down)

Iva: WAIT…. (Nathan turns around to see Iva) please stay….please stay with me. (She lifts her head and locks eyes with Nathan) Please stay by my side.
(Nathan sees Iva’s sad face and quickly leans down, hugging Iva.)

Nathan: I promise to stay with you, I promise to take care of you, and I promise that I will make you smile and make you happy. So please, stay by my side.
Iva: I will, I will….It’s Iva.

Nathan: Iva, a beautiful name, the name of an angel.

(Iva begins to cry her worries away.)

(Back to the present)

Cayla: Were you two in love? (Nathan stays silent)

Iva: When my mark broke, I had lost the desire to find my Destined One. So when I first met Master Cross, I did not feel my heart pulsing for him, even now I don’t feel my heart pulsating for him. So I don’t know if he’s my Destined One or not.

Cayla: What do you mean you don`t know?

Iva: The mark is what helps us find our Destined One. It is what detects whether someone is our Destined One or not. It’s the very reason why we feel our hearts pounding when we find him, and the very reason why we desire to find our Destined One. I learned this immediately when my mark broke. Even now I feel like there is no Destined One for me.

Azalia: So you can no longer feel love.

Iva: I do feel love, I love Master Cross. I don’t need a mark to tell me how to feel true love. I know that Salvation is all but impossible for me now. I can no longer find my Destined One, but I choose to fall in love with Master Cross.

Cayla: He is already taken. Nathan is my Destined One.

Iva: It matters not. I promised to be with Master Cross until he dies. I am fine being his servant as long as I am with him. You are free to be his wife. I will not interfere in your love life.

Azalia says to herself: She’s just like me.

Cayla: I want to believe you, but you have already told me you love Nathan.

Azalia: What happened next, Iva? How did Nathan receive that fire symbol on his chest?

Iva: After I had told my name to Master Cross, the next day he took me to his home to present me to his mother and sister, but they had not yet arrived.
(Scene of Nathan and Iva in the house)

Nathan: So this is where my mom and sister live, but they’re not here yet. You can wait here until they arrive. You want me to make you something while we wait.

Iva: Yes!

Nathan: Awesome. I’ll be right back. (Nathan enters the kitchen to make something for Iva)

(Iva senses danger approaching)

Iva says in her mind: What? No, no, not now. Why now of all times? I have to do something before they arrive. I must get Master Nathan out of here. He mustn’t get involved or know about my unstable angelic powers.

Nathan returns: Hey Iva, what would you like on your....(Iva runs to Nathan and hugs him)

(Iva narrates) When I hugged him, I marked him with a symbol of protection and teleportation on to his heart without him noticing. I also did it just in case Master was in trouble and needed me to be at his side quickly.

(Back to Iva hugging Nathan)

Nathan: What’s wrong, Iva? Why’d you hug me so suddenly?

Iva: Oh, it’s just that I left the jacket you gave me the first time we met. Can you please get it for me?

Nathan: Sure, I’ll get it. Just wait here. I’ll be back. (Nathan leaves. Iva feels relieved that Nathan left, so she goes and sits down on the couch and meditates while she waits for the enemy to arrive)

Iva: I sense them, they’re too many. I won’t be able to finish them off in a few seconds because of my unstable body. I have to think of something. (Enemies dressed in military uniforms break through the windows and surround Iva with their automatic machine guns pointed at her.)

Enemy leader: We’ve found you Fallen One. Surrender and you won’t be harmed.

Iva says in her mind: They must be from the ship that I escaped from.

(Iva raises her right hand with her palm open. As she stares down the Enemy leader, she immediately closes her hand, and instantly all the weapons burst in flames, causing everyone to drop their weapons. Iva sees her hand covered in flames which won’t dissipate.)

Iva says in her mind: It’s starting, my body is losing control. I have to finish this quickly.

(Everyone attacks Iva with their military knives drawn out. Iva grabs a long lamp stand nearby and uses it as a staff. The first enemy that comes charging at her gets instantly KO’d with the tip of the lamp stand, causing the light bulb to burst on the enemies face and knocking him down to the ground)

Iva: Who’s next? (The enemies charge at her and they all are beaten, but more and more enemies pour into the house. The flames start to spread over Iva’s arms and envelope the lamp stand. The more she swings the lamp stand the more the flames spread throughout her body and fall all over the house)

Iva: NO, the flames are burning down the house. I have to get out of here. My body can’t take any more of this. (Iva escapes through a broken window and leaves the house and heads towards the ocean)

Iva: I have to get to the ocean before these flames consume me.

(Back to the present, Iva narrates)The enemies retreated while the house burnt down. I had to run away and get to the ocean as soon as possible, or else I would be consumed by my own powers and destroy anything near me.”

Nathan: I remember the house burning.

(Scene of Nathan seeing the house burning from a far distance)

Nathan: Iva, my God, no. (He runs towards the house, but as soon as he gets close to the house it explodes and he is sent flying back, landing on his back. He then gets up and stares at the destroyed house in disbelief and shock)

Nathan: Iva…..IVAAAAAAAA

(Scene fades back to Nathan on the bus)

Nathan: I had thought that you really died in that fire. (Nathan clenches his hand into a fist trying to hold in his sadness).

Iva: I’m sorry, Master, I didn’t mean to hurt you like this, but I’m here, and I’m still alive. (She puts her hand on top of Nathan’s clenched hand. She then senses Cayla’s irritation towards her getting too close to Nathan. So she stops touching Nathan’s clenched hand and continues with her story).

Iva: “My body was near its limits so I threw myself into the ocean”

(Iva submerges herself in the ocean)

Iva says in her mind: It’s no good. My powers are not cooling down. The flames are boiling the water around me. I have to go deeper (Iva goes ever deeper into the blackness of the ocean)

Iva says in her mind: This is it. This is how I die, at the bottom of the ocean. (Iva feels like giving up and closes her eyes, but then memories of Nathan offering her his jacket, visiting her daily, eating with her, and hugging each other, floods her mind.)

Iva say in her mind: No I can’t give up. I want to see him again. (Iva turns her flames into liquid magma and covers herself in it using the icy water around her to cool the liquid magma down and harden it, encasing her body into a rocky crust of suspended animation)

Iva says in her mind: This is the only way...Save me...Nathan.

(Back to the present, Iva narrates) And there I remained, waiting for the day when Nathan would revive me from my underwater grave. I didn`t expect for there to be so many enemies, which caused me to lose control of my powers and end up in a watery grave. Ironic how the mark I put on my Master, which was meant to save his life, also saved mine. A few more years in at the bottom of the ocean and I certainly would have died.

Cayla: I see now, that explains how you got here. Are you sure your heart isn’t responding to Nathan?

(A scene flashes in Iva’s mind of when she revealed her name to Nathan)

Nathan: Iva, a beautiful name, the name of an angel. (Iva begins to cry her worries away.)

Nathan whispers: I love you, Iva.

(Iva’s eyes open wide as her heart pulsates for Nathan for a few seconds, until it disappears. Then she hugs Nathan tighter.)

Iva says in her mind: My...My Destined One.

(Back to the Present)

Iva: I’m sure

Azalia: Then she stays with us.

Nathan: She’s right, Iva stays with us. (Cayla reluctantly nods in agreement. Nathan then addresses Iva...) They’ll be hunting you down as well, now that the Leviathan Organization knows that you’ve come back from your watery grave. We’re glad you came back just in time to save us.

Iva says with a smile on her face: I’m glad to be back. Thank you, Master Cross. (She says in her mind: I’m not sure if my heart truly responded to him, but….I will be by his side forever).

(Scene changes to the mysterious white robed woman watching the bus that Nathan and company are on.)

Mysterious Woman: It seems his past is finally catching up to him. But not all of his past has yet caught up with him. Nathan, you fascinate me.

[FreddyCast]

"In my memories I hear your voice and it calls me, I feel your touch and it embraces me, I smell your scent and it inspires me, I see your beauty and it mesmerizes me, I taste your lips and it intoxicates me. I am enraptured by your love. My Love, My Life, My Very Soul.

She says to me: Why So Suddenly?

And I say: Because I can't Live without you, I can't Breathe without you, I can't Move without you. You're my very reason for Being."


I wrote this comment a week ago while listening to this song MikroMatique- Why So Suddenly
It made me think about Nathan Cross and Cayla from my manga story.

[FreddyCast]

Hey Friends, I fixed the link to my first concept art drawings.
Here it is again, if you don't want to find it among my various other posts.
My Artwork

Love of Christ, my Friends.

[Panda4christ:3]

Hey Friends, I fixed the link to my first concept art drawings.
Here it is again, if you don't want to find it among my various other posts.
My Artwork

Love of Christ, my Friends.

link won't work for me...

[FreddyCast]

Hey Friends, I fixed the link to my first concept art drawings.
Here it is again, if you don't want to find it among my various other posts.
My Artwork

Love of Christ, my Friends.

link won't work for me...

Hey Panda,
Try it again, my stuff is public.
But if it still doesn't work, you could friend me and see if that works.
Just write Freddy Castaneda on the search box and I'll be the guy with the glasses smiling. Friend me and I'll accept you.

Edit: The link not working could also be because you weren't logged into your account

[goldenspines]

Hey Friends, I fixed the link to my first concept art drawings.
Here it is again, if you don't want to find it among my various other posts.
My Artwork

Love of Christ, my Friends.

link won't work for me...

Hey Panda,
Try it again, my stuff is public.
But if it still doesn't work, you could friend me and see if that works.
Just write Freddy Castaneda on the search box and I'll be the guy with the glasses smiling. Friend me and I'll accept you.

Edit: The link not working could also be because you weren't logged into your account

You shouldn't make people have facebook just so they see your pics. XP Especially when there are handy sites like photobucket and imageshack for easier access.
But anyways, the link you posted took me to an "this content in unavailable" page (and yes, I was logged in)

[FreddyCast]

link won't work for me...

Hey Panda,
Try it again, my stuff is public.
But if it still doesn't work, you could friend me and see if that works.
Just write Freddy Castaneda on the search box and I'll be the guy with the glasses smiling. Friend me and I'll accept you.

Edit: The link not working could also be because you weren't logged into your account

You shouldn't make people have facebook just so they see your pics. XP Especially when there are handy sites like photobucket and imageshack for easier access.
But anyways, the link you posted took me to an "this content in unavailable" page (and yes, I was logged in)

Sorry goldenspines, but I wasn't trying to force anyone to have facebook. Facebook was the only place I had to upload my pics. I guess I'll be forced to use one of the sites you mentioned. I'll see what I can do. I really want people to see what I've drawn. And I'll try to figure out why no one can see my pics on facebook, my "friends" in facebook can see it just fine so, maybe if you guys can friend me then I'll be glad to accept you guys. You guys can get to know me more if you want.
Anyways, Peace of Christ, my Friends.

EDIT: I DID IT. Tell me if this one works, my Friends. If it does, leave a comment and tell me if you liked my pics.
My Artwork