Will God give me a wife that will look good to me?

[c.t.,girl]

Wow...

I have known people who have been overweight, but once they do get accepted by their special person they then want to become the most attractive person for them (and do so and look amazing now). So, how do you know that won't happen?

Also, what if the girl you fall for is SUPER PRETTY, but as you get to know her you notice has a horrible personality? ...Or is just plain dumb and can't spell? ...Or crazy to the point where she stabs you because you were trying to get your car keys so you could get away from her?

[dothackzero]

Well someone for a guy to reject a girl based on something like eye color/hair color is stupid. Btw, I'm not looking for stick figure girl either(anorexic), I'm looking for a girl anywhere from a little underweight to normal size, maybe a little overweight(as long as it isn't extremely obvious). But still you guys gotta remember what I find cute in a girl, isn't the same thing that everyone else will find cute in a girl. Basically, I'm just saying that what I don't find cute in a girl there will always be other guy that will find that cute in a girl.

Wow...

I have known people who have been overweight, but once they do get accepted by their special person they then want to become the most attractive person for them (and do so and look amazing now).

Wait you mean like become thin for him. I guess it would be possible. That's actually something that happening with my best friend. He just got a girlfriend, and she's planning on thining out for him. Though I never thought of her as fat, more she just has a bigger body build than normal.

Also, what if the girl you fall for is SUPER PRETTY, but as you get to know her you notice has a horrible personality? ...Or is just plain dumb and can't spell? ...Or crazy to the point where she stabs you because you were trying to get your car keys so you could get away from her?

Actually I can't really spell. :p But yeah, I agree that personaility is extremely important. But their needs to be atleast some physical attraction to her. btw, there is no way I could stand being having a girlfriend that just "plain dumb" or crazy.

[Cognitive Gear]

Okay, I think we've got some misunderstandings going on here.

First, it's okay to be honest about physical attraction. How many people are you planning to marry, anyway? You're going to meet a lot of people in your life, and you're going to not marry most of them. Like Jingo Jaden said, you're going to have to find your own spouse. There is no "destined one" whom you must find and marry regardless of physical attraction in order to fulfill some cosmic plan.

Second, you don't need to get married right now. If you haven't met someone you want to marry, relax. Don't worry about it. Just get out there and meet people, and eventually you will meet someone you want to marry, but that doesn't mean you need to agonize about it right now.

Third, sorting by physical attraction is not "shallow" in a bad way, it's a valid way of avoiding a mutually unsatisfying relationship. Let's face it, marriage requires physical intimacy. If you don't want to be intimate with your spouse, you're essentially locking them into a relationship and then rejecting them. That's not fair to either of you. If you're only in the relationship for the looks, that's another thing, but I don't see any reason to believe that's the case here.

Fourth, not everybody is or should be attracted to the same things. One person may like rubenesque women, another may like sticks. They'll both find someone who is beautiful to them. Just because one person doesn't find someone attractive doesn't mean that nobody else will. Remember, you're probably only going to marry one person at a time, so it's not like you have to be attracted to everybody.

And fifth, let's not judge one another over what they do or don't find attractive. They're the ones who have to live with whoever they marry.

Quoting for emphasis. I definitely do think that things other than physical attraction are more important in the long run, but physical attraction is important. It's part of how we are wired. Romance/relationships just don't work if the attraction isn't there.

Granted, part of the reason that physical attraction isn't the most important aspect is because as you get to know someone, they will either become more or less physically attractive to match your attraction to their personality.

[c.t.,girl]

Wait you mean like become thin for him. I guess it would be possible. That's actually something that happening with my best friend. He just got a girlfriend, and she's planning on thining out for him. Though I never thought of her as fat, more she just has a bigger body build than normal.

OH WAIT. I also know someone (a girl) from high school who's seriously overweight. ...And you know what her husband looks like? Skinny. She's been overweight since before she met him yet they got married even while she was overweight. OH MY!

Also, the girl who lost weight for a guy, yes she was pretty chunky, but he didn't care, and soon after, he asked her to marry him. She then made herself attractive, like whoa.

Actually I can't really spell. :p But yeah, I agree that personaility is extremely important. But their needs to be atleast some physical attraction to her. btw, there is no way I could stand being having a girlfriend that just "plain dumb" or crazy.

I have known guys who were not attractive AT ALL to me, but after hanging out with them for a while, their personality just made me love them to the point where that made them attractive to me so much more than any good looking guy would.

So, I guess I'm the type of girl who looks at personality rather than looks, since, "Looks can be deceiving."

Also, my ideal person would look (and would stay looking) like !!LINK!! must be confident about himself as a man and looks...but not so much to where he's cocky...must be funny...and smart. He can be smarter than me, but can't be condescending about it. He must also be witty...and thoughtful. Just so you know how shallow I am. I like beards...they're fun. Also, if the dude had a crazy mustache, I might also find him attractive.

[goldenspines]

While physical appearance is the first thing we see, it should not be the first thing we consider in any relationship (including friendships). Actually, it probably should be near the bottom of the list (if there at all).
And quoting this because it's true:

Granted, part of the reason that physical attraction isn't the most important aspect is because as you get to know someone, they will either become more or less physically attractive to match your attraction to their personality.

[Atria35]

Also, the girl who lost weight for a guy, yes she was pretty chunky, but he didn't care, and soon after, he asked her to marry him. She then made herself attractive, like whoa.

That's actually pretty common- most women lose weight for the wedding.

But thirding the opinion that when you like someone, they become more attractive in your eyes.

[USSRGirl]

[Htom Sirveaux]

If God brings into your life a woman whom you will eventually want to marry, you will sodding well be attracted to her. He knows what He's about better than you or any of us do.

[Yuki-Anne]

Basically I'm just worried that I'll get a girl that's overweight or something that I'd find really unattractive in a girl. Basically, the only reason I'm asking this is because the only girl that I know that's into the stuff that I am in real life isn't that attractive to me.

Okay, a number of people have commented on the OBVIOUSLY offensive part of this post, so despite how offended I am by it as a woman of almost-normal weight who has been overweight in the past, I'll hold off.

I want to focus on "I'm just worried that I'll get a girl..."

Dude, GOD IS NOT A SPOUSE VENDING MACHINE, which is basically what your post makes him sound like. I'll just insert my prayer quarters, turn the weird, ridiculously hard to move handle of faith, and I SHALL INSTANTLY BE BESTOWED WITH ONE OF THE TEN WIFE MODELS DISPLAYED ON THE FRONT OF THE GOD MACHINE. I just hope I don't get that chubby one. Or the black one. Or the one that dresses like a grandma.

While I do agree that there is something seemingly serendipitous and magical about romance that I somehow am not privy to, there's also a considerable amount of effort that must be put into a relationship. I don't care if God literally drops an amazing woman on your doorstep, if you've got that weird attitude that you're entitled to a wife simply because YOU WANT ONE, your relationship is probably going to fail. You have to put work into a relationship for it to work.

So don't be worried that you'll somehow miraculously "get a wife" and the miraculously gotten wife won't be attractive to you. Because that's not going to happen. You've got to work, and unless you're a desperate idiot you're not going to work to marry someone you don't want to marry.

PS If God does miraculously grant you a wife you should be flippin grateful for her instead of whining about how your MIRACULOUS WIFE doesn't fit your expectations. Because, trust me, you're not going to fit hers, either. Especially if you whine about how horrible your MIRACULOUS WIFE is.

PPS Who wants to form a band with me? We'll name it MIRACULOUS WIFE.

PPPS Without taking into consideration how many people on this site might be overweight and hurt by your words, you made a post like that, which actually isn't what I'd consider to be merited material for a valid discussion. That, sir, was not the move of a gentleman. That was, in fact, what total jerks tend to do. So, I ask you, is that really how you want to portray yourself on this website?

[Tsukuyomi]

Everyone has their preferences and I wish you the best of luck on your search ^__^

Let me put it this way. Looks aren't the number 1 thing I'm looking for in a girl. I am more interested that she a Christian, her relationship with God. Then obviously the the personalty and interests. But the looks gotta be their too, I'm not saying that I'm looking for a super model, just a girl that looks good to me.

Just remember to keep an eye open ^__^ Yes, I'm sure God will lead you towards the right direction, but you yourself have to keep an eye open as well ^^

It is true that looks are a contributor, but shouldn't be the main one (It seems you know this already) ^^ Once you meet her, I believe everything will fall into place. Just be patient and you'll find her ^^

[c.t.,girl]

GOD IS NOT A SPOUSE VENDING MACHINE

If there was a "like"/"fave" button, I would totally press it right here. XD

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Okay, I think we've got some misunderstandings going on here.

First, it's okay to be honest about physical attraction. How many people are you planning to marry, anyway? You're going to meet a lot of people in your life, and you're going to not marry most of them. Like Jingo Jaden said, you're going to have to find your own spouse. There is no "destined one" whom you must find and marry regardless of physical attraction in order to fulfill some cosmic plan.

Second, you don't need to get married right now. If you haven't met someone you want to marry, relax. Don't worry about it. Just get out there and meet people, and eventually you will meet someone you want to marry, but that doesn't mean you need to agonize about it right now.

Third, sorting by physical attraction is not "shallow" in a bad way, it's a valid way of avoiding a mutually unsatisfying relationship. Let's face it, marriage requires physical intimacy. If you don't want to be intimate with your spouse, you're essentially locking them into a relationship and then rejecting them. That's not fair to either of you. If you're only in the relationship for the looks, that's another thing, but I don't see any reason to believe that's the case here.

Fourth, not everybody is or should be attracted to the same things. One person may like rubenesque women, another may like sticks. They'll both find someone who is beautiful to them. Just because one person doesn't find someone attractive doesn't mean that nobody else will. Remember, you're probably only going to marry one person at a time, so it's not like you have to be attracted to everybody.

And fifth, let's not judge one another over what they do or don't find attractive. They're the ones who have to live with whoever they marry.

Basically, everything here I'd want to say is summed up here.

If ya don't want to marry a girl you don't find attracted to (for whatever reasons) then simply put: don't marry her. Don't do what you don't want to do. While physical attraction isn't the most important factor ever, personally it's a pretty important factor for myself. Personally I'm not going to ask a girl out if I don't find her physically attractive. Maybe in time they'll become more attractive. If so I'll wait till then. People can call me shallow but I don't really care. I don't think it is offensive for anyone to think that overweightness is physically unattractive (lest you're telling girls that they're overweight or something. That's just rude.) It's your own standards and nobody can tell you that you're wrong for thinking a girl isn't cute because she has extra pounds. You're the one considering said person.

On the flip side, also don't be so expectant of believe that you're deserving of a wife or something, or that God "owes" you or something. As Yuki said, God is not a cosmic vending machine. Please don't treat God as such. Really it'll be mostly by all your own efforts. Just be respectful to all people. You can be friends with an unattractive person and not date them.

I don't believe that God will "give you his option of who is best for you". It's really up to your decision and then you do whatever honors God with your choice. I totally disagree with the "there's that one person" mentality. So date/marry whoever you think you'll be a good match with. And if she's cute, then great. If she's not cute/less-cute/whatever, that's also great. Whatever you want, man.

[FllMtl Novelist]

Most of what I want to say has already been said. I don't think wanting to only date someone you find attractive (whatever your definition is) is a shallow or shameful thing--I mean, I don't want to date a guy who secretly thinks I'm ugly, and I don't want to date a guy whose looks I don't like, either. But I also don't think attractiveness should be your main focus, like others have said and like dothackzero seems to already have figured out.

Also, like Cognitive Gear said, as you get to know a person he/she might seem more--or less--attractive to you. So don't assume that since you don't find a particular girl pretty/hot/gorgeous that she isn't worth knowing, because you figure you'd never date someone who looks like her. Or that you should make friends with all pretty/hot/gorgeous girls because your relationships with those kinds of girls can only be good and get better. Neither is guaranteed.

...Oh, and on a side note (since c.t., girl mentioned something like this), I'm 'overweight', and I do not want to date a guy who expects me to lose weight for him, so eventually I can look 'attractive' after we've started dating. That's not happening. And I hope I never fall for a guy in such a way that I think I need to lose weight so I can look 'good' solely for him. I'm not going to date a guy with the intention of making him look different, and I want that line of thought to go both ways.

Also, I would like to say that while I can easily see what's offensive about the opening post, I personally wasn't offended by the OP saying what he doesn't find attractive.

Well, to be honest, Yamamaya, it doesn't matter WHAT a person looks like, be they tall, short, fat, skinny, we are all made up of genetics and things that pretty much tell us how easy it is to lose or gain weight. (there is also some responsibility such as what you eat, and what sort of exercise you are doing)

I know some girls who eat way more than I do, and they are incredibly skinny. Where I just look at a small piece of cake and I gain 2 pounds XD.

Thank you so much for this. It had never occurred to me that my difficulty to lose weight might be partially biological/genetic instead of just a head game. *mind eased somewhat* 83

Also, the girl who lost weight for a guy, yes she was pretty chunky, but he didn't care, and soon after, he asked her to marry him. She then made herself attractive, like whoa.

Maybe she lost weight to fit into her wedding dress?

[c.t.,girl]

Maybe she lost weight to fit into her wedding dress?

That too but she also wanted to be prettier for him just because.

[Radical Dreamer]

I want to focus on "I'm just worried that I'll get a girl..."

Dude, GOD IS NOT A SPOUSE VENDING MACHINE, which is basically what your post makes him sound like. I'll just insert my prayer quarters, turn the weird, ridiculously hard to move handle of faith, and I SHALL INSTANTLY BE BESTOWED WITH ONE OF THE TEN WIFE MODELS DISPLAYED ON THE FRONT OF THE GOD MACHINE. I just hope I don't get that chubby one. Or the black one. Or the one that dresses like a grandma.

While I do agree that there is something seemingly serendipitous and magical about romance that I somehow am not privy to, there's also a considerable amount of effort that must be put into a relationship. I don't care if God literally drops an amazing woman on your doorstep, if you've got that weird attitude that you're entitled to a wife simply because YOU WANT ONE, your relationship is probably going to fail. You have to put work into a relationship for it to work.

So don't be worried that you'll somehow miraculously "get a wife" and the miraculously gotten wife won't be attractive to you. Because that's not going to happen. You've got to work, and unless you're a desperate idiot you're not going to work to marry someone you don't want to marry.

PS If God does miraculously grant you a wife you should be flippin grateful for her instead of whining about how your MIRACULOUS WIFE doesn't fit your expectations. Because, trust me, you're not going to fit hers, either. Especially if you whine about how horrible your MIRACULOUS WIFE is.

PPS Who wants to form a band with me? We'll name it MIRACULOUS WIFE.

PPPS Without taking into consideration how many people on this site might be overweight and hurt by your words, you made a post like that, which actually isn't what I'd consider to be merited material for a valid discussion. That, sir, was not the move of a gentleman. That was, in fact, what total jerks tend to do. So, I ask you, is that really how you want to portray yourself on this website?

I agree with ALL OF THE THINGS in this post. XD So I am quoting it for truth. XD

Also if I could play an instrument I'd totally be in that band. XDD

[Rusty Claymore]

Will God give me a wife that will look good to me?

No.










Sorry, I just had to. n_n
Basically, your story is your story. You'll get to read it after you get to that part. Check out in the Bible on how various guys landed (or were handed) various chicks. Othniel got his wife by capturing a city (and it seemed to work out, they were still together when he got old), but on the other hand, per God's order, Hosea got hitched with the infamous Gomer. There are just too many variables for a simple answer.
Ultimately to answer your question, though; How should I know? XP And if she isn't attractive? Well, in a few short years she's gonna be old and saggy(so are you) so it's not really gonna matter much.
But all the above users have more intellectual answers and debates, so I think you're set with food for thought. n_n

[Edward]

I agree with ALL OF THE THINGS in this post. XD So I am quoting it for truth. XD

Also if I could play an instrument I'd totally be in that band. XDD

I can't play an instrument and I want to be in that band anyway. XD

Anyway.

I think I have to agree with what a lot of other people have said. God is most difinitly not a cosmic vending machine. It's not as simple as pulling a lever and poof you have the perfect wife. You need to find someone to marry on your own. You can ask God for guidance, but He isn't going to plop a wife on your doorstep. And once you are married, you have to work on the relationship, no matter how 'perfect' you are for each other. And that's assuming that you even will marry. Not everyone is 'destined' to marry 'the one'. Some are called to celibacy, and that may be part of God's plan for you. It might not. Either way, it's not very wise to focus excessivly on phisical attractivness. And I think you've made it clear that you care about personality, etc. more. I'm just posting to give everyone my 2d.

I personally find physical attractiveness to be important at the beginning, as it is usually what initially attracts us to someone. But in the long run, it's unimportant. They aren't gonna be as attractive a few decades from now anyway, so why should how they look now matter? If someone is beautiful on the inside, it will show. After you get to know a person, they will seem more or less attractive based on their personality. If you know someone who does not fit the usual notions of what's attractive but is a kind person, they may seem more attractive that someone who is gorgeous but is very mean to others.

[Cognitive Gear]

I just want to note that marriage in Biblical times was much different than it is now. For one, women were considered property and were often exchanged as part of a treaty or as a sign of friendship. In addition, marriage at the time wasn't monogamous. I don't think that it's particularly useful to look to them for heavy amounts of marriage advice, and specifically looking to it for advice on finding a marriage partner.

Otherwise all of us men need to go out, find the heads of neighboring households, and start to barter with them for land and wives. Multiple wives.

[ABlipinTime]

1) I find it funny how this thread is so long, given the title, but we all have opinions.

2) I repeat what others have said: God is not a vending machine. The future isn't determined. I agree with Kaligraphic.

3) Is there something wrong with staying single? You don't have to get married. You could simply devote yourself to God.

Like Rusty said, "in a few short years she's going to be old and saggy ".
Besides, "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder". I'm surprised no one quoted that yet. Oh wait, I just did.

[alma]

Besides, "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder". I'm surprised no one quoted that yet. Oh wait, I just did.

I was going to say that earlier, this afternoon. So I am glad somebody make that famous quote.
I am from a culture that really appreciate curves and all. So can testify that indeed that Quote is true.

[ADXC]

Besides, "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder". I'm surprised no one quoted that yet. Oh wait, I just did.

I was going to say that earlier, this afternoon. So I am glad somebody make that famous quote.
I am from a culture that really appreciate curves and all. So can testify that indeed that Quote is true.

Ok, did anyone read my post? XDD I said it already. I guess I'm just a ghost or something.

[Furen]

3) Is there something wrong with staying single? You don't have to get married. You could simply devote yourself to God.

Like Rusty said, "in a few short years she's going to be old and saggy ".

First, I am going to go nuts... Rusty's a guy

Moving on to the point I wanna make (and this is old, but I'll post it anyway)
BEING SINGLE IS AWESOME

And no A/C we didn't .... wait, where'd he........ go?

[dothackzero]

BEING SINGLE IS AWESOME

Not after being single for 23 years.

[Furen]

umm... it's a link, press it and you'll see a post from a little ways back (within a year) about the up sides to it, and I must say, Cog did a very well written post for it, I think it's worth a read.

EDIT: WAIT 23 years? I've been alive for 17 or so years and yeah, sure it'd be nice to meet a girl, it'd be a big distraction, so if I meet "her" then great, but if I don't... well then... MORE VIDEO GAMES [/nerd_in_basement] but seriously, more time to do stuff I want to do ^^

but going back, 23 years is not that much, I know people in their late 40's who haven't met people yet.

[Yuki-Anne]

Dude... seriously, I'm 23. Do I want to get married? Yes, but I'm not going to let it get me down that I'm single. We've got time. What is it exactly in your life that you hate so much that you think marriage is going to solve?

PS Being single is still awesome at 23. Just sayin'.

[alma]

Moving on to the point I wanna make (and this is old, but I'll post it anyway)
BEING SINGLE IS AWESOME

And no A/C we didn't .... wait, where'd he........ go?

Thanks for posting that link, Furen.
And, yes...I did not see your post A/C, sorry about that. Let me give you belated credit.

[Yamamaya]

Dude... seriously, I'm 23. Do I want to get married? Yes, but I'm not going to let it get me down that I'm single. We've got time. What is it exactly in your life that you hate so much that you think marriage is going to solve?

PS Being single is still awesome at 23. Just sayin'.

Not to mention that romantic relationships can be expensive. Especially if your girlfriend is used to the high life.

Why I probably wouldn't have enough money for these..

[Cognitive Gear]

Not after being single for 23 years.

I suppose that this is one of those rare times in which having my age displayed would be useful.

[Okami]

Not after being single for 23 years.

[SIZE="1"]What if God were to ask you to be celibate?[/SIZE]

[Stephen]

Not after being single for 23 years.

Eh. Having a girlfriend at 2 years old was overrated anyway.