Otaku Kat

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Otaku Kat

Postby Sanji07 » Sun May 04, 2008 6:51 pm

Hey, this is my first fanfic. I've never done one before, so please tell me if this is good or bad. =P Here's the rules:

1.Please don't spam
2.Please don't flame. (Constructive advice/criticism is allowed)
3.Please enjoy reading this! ^_^
4.Please don't bash Christianity. There will some Christian aspects. ^ _ ^ (although I don't think anyone here will)
5.You must give me a bottle of ketchup every time you post here (jk =P)

If some of the first chapters don't portray the character's personality correctly, bear with me please. ^-^;; Ty.
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Postby Sanji07 » Thu May 08, 2008 2:10 pm

Intro

Yami Bakura:...
Marik:....
Yami Yugi:.....
Kat:...Okay, someone needs to introduce everyone. -.-''
Yami Bakura: *points to Marik* He will.
Marik: What!? O_o Who said I was going to do it!?
Bakura: Me. T_T
Yami: Just let me do it. >_> Hey, I'm Yami Yugi (I'm known as Yami) this is Marik, and this is Yami Bakura (He's known as Bakura). Great, so now you know all of us. Sweet. So, uh...what now?
Kat: You forgot me. >.>
Yami: Oh, and this is Kat. (She's not a yami; she's...a very "unique" tomboy.
Kat: Hi, nice to meet you. As Yami just explained, I am very different. Na'by even strange. Wewt. So anyways, if you see a strange girl with a blank stare and black clothes on, it'll probably be me.
Bakura: You forgot the part where you're scared of wearing GIRL clothes. >=P *BANG*
Yami: *hit Bakura with toilet plunger* She wears girl pants. >.> Hey...why do we even have a toilet plunger? O_o
Bakura: *shrugs* Na'by it's so we can hit people with it. ^^;;
Marik: Yeah, na'by that's it. XD
Yami: Okay, let's get back on subject please. X_X;;

Bakura: Fine. Kat is a very dark tomboy who doesn't wear any makeup and has an obsession with good anime vampires. She often likes to say random things at random times and she likes to touch other people's hair. (Yeah, I know, she's creepy >.>)
Marik: Well looks who's talkin'. -_- *WHACK* OUCH WHERE'D THAT COM FROM!? >.<
Bakura: Me. *is holding toilet plunger*
Marik: BAKURA! HOW DARE YOU!! YOU SHALL FACE MY WRATH!! D=<
Yami: *puts hand over Marik's mouth* You will later. -_-''But right now, we should tell the awesome audience where we all live.
Kat: Yeah. Well, sometimes I'm at my house with my parents. It's small, but not too small. There's a nice backyard with pine trees and my Dad's workshop. Inside, there are 3 bedrooms, (one for my parents, one for me (where the cats and a few vampire friends sleep), and my older brother's room (who moved out a long time ago)
Bakura: Yeah, great, now tell them about where WE live. >.>''
Kat: All right, I'm getting there. >.> All of us usually hangout in an old dark house in the Black Woods. It's black with red windows and an red sky. Inside are more than a few rooms for my (anime) friends to live and/or hangout. There are many good vampires here, so many of the windows with access to trees for them. Neat huh?
Marik: Yeah, very. >.> Oof! *got ramed in the ribs by Yami*
Yami: Yes, it is. ^_^ Please continue.
Kat: Thanks. Anyways, I want to let y'all know that we are not evil. Bakura and Marik have finally been convinced to become good. Yami, well, luckly, he's already good. =P
Yami: Yep. ^_^ *SLAM* OUCH! ENOUGH WITH THE TOILET PLUNGER ALREADY! >.<
Marik and Bashiba: Sowwy. ^.^'' *hiding toilet plunger behind backs*
Yami: Give me that. -_- *throws toilet plunger in toilet*
.....*toilet plunger floats in silence*
Marik: Well, there went a perfectly good plunger. -.-''
Yami: It was for your's and Bakura's own good. >_>
Marik: *shrugs*Yeah whatever. >_>
Bakura and Kat:*are watching*...
Bakura: Let's end this now before things get even stranger. X.X''
Kat: Allright. Well, see ya' dudes and, uh, dudettes. =P

END OF INTRO
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98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature
Servant of: Hypersocks-the leader of extrolling hyperness! ^-^
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Postby Esoteric » Sat May 10, 2008 10:19 pm

A fanfic? It looks more like a screen or tele-play...since it's all just dialog, and exposition-type dialog at that.

I also have no idea what it's a fanfic from. It's very short, and because it's all dialog, it's hard to follow what's going on. It would probably be better written like a normal story...

And you'll get no ketchup from me! :P
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Postby Sanji07 » Sat May 24, 2008 11:43 am

Trust me, the chapters become MUCH longer.

This story is about a strange girl named Kat who has random adventures with her anime friends. They stay at a mysterious mansion called the Black House in the Black Woods, where the sky and water is always red. Most people stay far away from this place (except for teen goofing around on Halloween), but Kat is drawn to the Black Woods because she sees its unique beauty and feels the Wood's mysterious aura. Some people are curious and get lost in the labyrinth-like forest, where Kat finds them and offers them a place to rest.

I like this clears a little bit up. The areas become more descriptive as the chapters go on. ~_^
[color="SeaGreen"]@)}[/color][color="black"]~`,~[/color] Carry This Rose In Your Sig, As Thanks, To All The CAA Moderators.
98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature
Servant of: Hypersocks-the leader of extrolling hyperness! ^-^
I believe in Jesus Christ, my Savior. If you do too and are not scared to admit it, then copy and paste this in your signature.
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Postby Sanji07 » Sat May 24, 2008 11:45 am

Chapter 1: How We Became Friends

Kat: Hey, welcome back. I thought you guys are probably wondering how we became friends. Well, to tell you the truth, I don't know. We just can't leave each other alone. >.>''
Marik: Yeah...Let's see who wouldn't leave who alone...well, Bakura wouldn't leave Kat alone 'cuz she stands out so much, Yami couldn't leave Kat alone 'cuz he found out she's acts likes a "loner" on the outside, but deep inside, she's very nice and caring. (hey, this is what Yami told me to say. Don't complain to me. T_T) *BANG* OUCH! >_< WHO GOT THE TOILET PLUNGER OUT OF THE TOILET!?
Kat: *points to toilet* No one did.
Toilet Plunger: *is silently floating*
Everyone:......
Marik: I miss the toilet plunger. =(
Bakura: Why? -_-
Marik: 'Cuz it was so....well...it had the ability to torture....YOU! O_o I didn't think that was possible....
Bakura: SAY WHAT!? >_<
Yami: Wow, hey, I'll just finish Marik's statement. ^_^
Random Peanut: I like peanut butter.
Yami: ....It eats it's own kind. O.o
Kat: Nvm, let me finish this. >_> Anyways, Yami couldn't leave Marik or Bakura alone 'cuz they were both evil at the time; and they kept following me for my dark liking. I couldn't leave Bakura alone 'cuz he's so...awesome. @.@
Bakura: Creepy. T.T
Kat: Marik couldn't leave Bakura alone 'cuz they were working together against Yami at the time. After a couple weeks at Battle City, Marik bcameThen after everything died down, Yami and I convinced them to become good, and then we all just...sortof...started hangin' out together. O_o
Marik: Also 'cuz we were all depressed at those times.
Kat: That too.
Bakua: *gets toilet plunger out of toilet* BWAHAHAHAHA! I HAVE RETRIEVED THIS TOILET PLUNGER! FEAR MY AWESOME WRATH!!! >=D
Yami and Kat: *ribs Bakura in elbows*
Yami: *grabs plunger**stuffs it down toilet* There, now you'll have to stick your hand down that toilet to get it. T_T
Bakura: *has already stuck hand down toilet* I've almost...got it. Just a little more....
Yami, Kat, and Marik: O.O
Bakura: GOT IT! >=D Uh...oh no....uh...*tries to pull hand out of toilet* My hand's stuck in the toilet! X.X
Yami, Kat, and Marik: FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! ALL FOR A TOILET PLUNGER!! X_X

Back Outside in the Black Woods

Sanji: Hey, green-headed geezer, do you know where we are?
Zoro: No! Now stop asking me that! You've asked me 38 times already! >_< (stop callin' me green-headed geezer too. >.>)
Sanji: You mean 39 times ya' sword-slingin' geezer. >_>
Zoro: THAT'S IT! IF YOU CALL ME GEEZER ONE MORE TIME-
Sanji: WELL IF YOU DON'T ASK ANYONE DIRECTIONS-
Zoro: I CAN'T! THE'RE ALL IN THE TREES! O_o
Sanji: Oh...well then, STOP SHOUTHING AT ME! >_<
Zoro: Fine. Sheesh. -_-'' Hey, there's a black house a few miles ahead. Let's see if we can spend the night there.
Sanji: Fine ya' green-*is kicked by Zoro* HEY, YOU STOLE MY MOVE! >_<
Zoro: I DID NOT ! I JUST KICKED YOU! O_o
Sanji: SURE! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYIN' TO DO-YOU'RE TRYIN' TO SHOW OFF IN FRONT OF ALL THE VAMPIRE GIRLS! >_<
Zoro: Sanji, those are guys with long hair. T_T
Random Vampire Dudes:....Hi. Owo
Sanji: Oh....WELL HOW WAS I SUPPOSE TO KNOW!? IT'S DARK OUT HERE! >_< THAT'S IT, I'M GETTIN' TO THAT HOUSE FIRST WITH ALL THE VAMPIRE LADIES BEFORE YOU! *runs*
Zoro: Hey, what? O_o WAIT FOR ME! *runs after Sanji*

Back in one of the bathrooms....

Marik: HEY, PULL HARDER YOU WEAKLINGS! >_<
*are all trying to pull Bakura's hand out of toilet*
Bakura: This is so embarrassing @_@....
Yami: We're both pullin' as hard as we can! >0< At least we're tryin'!
Marik: Well try harder then!
Yami: *sigh* Fine. >_>
Kat: I've got to get rid of that toilet plunger. X_X
Sanji: *bursts through house doors* HEEEEELLLLLLOOOO LADIES! <3 <3 <3 Hey, where are the ladies? O_o
*only Bakura, Marik, Yami, and Kat are currently at the Black House*
Kat: PULL! PULL!
Sanji: *hears Kat* Ahhh they must be very shy. *walks up stairs towards bathroom* Don't worry my dark beautys, there's no need to be shy. ^_^
*bathroom door is open*
Sanji: Don't worry, I'll keep the green-haired geezer away from-*sees Kat, Yami, and Marik trying to pull out Bakura's arm from toilet*
Kat, Yami, Marik, and Bakura: O.O.....
Sanji: ^_^.....O.O
Marik: Who's the "green-haired geezer"? O_o
Sanji: O_O YOU POOR GIRLS! *runs to Kat**pushes Yami away*
Yami: HEY! >_<
Sanji: *gets down on one leg**holds Kat's hand* My dear, what is that evil man doing to you!? *points at Yami*
Yami: WHAT!? O_o
Kat: Huh? -O.O-
Sanji: WHY DID YOU ENSLAVED THESE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN!? IS IT SO YOU CAN FORCE THEM TO HANDCLEAN THE TOILETS!? >_<
Yami: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? KAT'S THE ONLY GIRL, AND WE'RE TRYING TO PULL OUT BAKURA'S ARM! >.<
Marik: It's true. Besides that...HELLO!!! I AM A GUY! BAKURA IS A GUY TOO! O =< *points to Bakura*
Bakura: *arm is still stuck in toilet* Uh...hi. O_o
Kat: Uh...well....uh...-O.o-
Marik: Oh good grief. *slaps self in head*>_<
Sanji: Is this true my dear?
Kat: Uh...yes...sir....they are telling...the truth. -^_^-
Yami, Bakura, and Marik: OH GOOD GRIEF! *slaps selves in head; Bakura slams head down on toilet*
Sanji:...Oh. T.T Hey, long-haired geezer, why do you have your arm in the toilet?
Bashiba: BECAUSE IT GOT STUCK IN HERE! DON'T CALL ME THAT EITHER! MY NAME IS BAKURA! >0<
Zoro: *runs to Sanji* Hey, why did you just run off like that!? I'm not trying to show off in front of any-*sees Marik, Yami, Kat and Baskura; who's arm is still stuck in the toilet*
Zoro: O_o What's goin' on here?
Bakura: DON'T ASK. T_T
Zoro: Fine. T_T
Yami: *sighs* Let me explain. >.>

30 Minutes Later....

Sanji and Zoro: You guys are a bunch of idiots. >_>
Yami, Bakura, and Marik:WE KNOW THAT ALREADY!! >.< SO ARE YOU GUYS!!
Kat: It's not right to call people "idiots". <=o
Yami, Marik, and Bakura: Sowwy. v.v
Zoro: Well you don't have to scream. >_> Then again, if it wasn't for Sanji's yakkin', I never would have found you guys.
Yami: Yeah. ^_^'' So...do you guys have a place to stay?
Zoro:Hmmm...can we get free drinks?
Sanji: Can I make food here?
Yami: Yes and yes. ^_^
Sanji: Will Kat be around here a lot<3?
Yami: Yeah, she comes here a lot after school.
Sanji: THEN COUNT ME IN! <333
Kat: Wow, I never knew I was so loved. -O.O-
Zoro: Don't get your hopes up-he's like that with lots of women. >_>
Kat: Oh. =(
Zoro: You're better off with one of these guys. You seem pretty close to them.
Marik, Sanji, and Yami: *are trying to pull Bakura's arm out of toilet*
Kat: Yeah. -^_^- Thanks.
Zoro: For what? O_o
Kat: I dunno. =P For stayin' here I guess.
Zoro: Oh. No prob.
Kat: You guys can live here if you want.
Zoro: I dunno. Maybe. Well, if we don't then we'll hang out here a lot.
Kat: Ok. ^_^
Sanji: PULL HARDER YOU WEAK GEEZERS! >_>
Yami and Marik: WE'RE PULLIN' AS HARD AS WE CAN! >_<
Sanji: THEN PULL HARDER! >_<
Zoro and Kat:....
Zoro: That's it. Do you guys need help? -_-''
Marik and Yami: YYYEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!! ;_;
Zoro: Fine. Let me try something different. *ties bandana around head**unsheathes swords* ONIGIRI!!! *cuts through toilet*
Yami, Marik, and Kat: Wow...he's strong o-o....
Sanji: *folds arms* Not as strong as me. >.>
Bakura: O_O HE ALMOST SLICED OFF MY ARM!!!
Zoro: A small "thank you" would have been nice. -_-''
Everyone else: O_O THE TOILET'S BEEN CUT IN HALF!!! THIS PLACE IS GONNA' GET FLOODED!!!
Zoro: Oops. o.o
Everyone else: T.T;;

10 minutes later....

*toilet was super-glued together*
Zoro and Sanji: *are just standing in water**water is to their knees*
Sanji: Thanks a lot ya' sword-slingin' geezer. >.>
Zoro: WHAT!? YOU THINK THIS WAS ALL MY FAULT!? O_o
Sanji: IT WAS! >_<
Bakura: ZIP IT, BOTH OF YOU! >.<
*Marik, Yami, and Bakura are repairing the pipes*
Kat: *is trying to drain by opening windows, doors, etc.* This may take a while. -_-'' Uh, well, that's how we all got to know each other; including our new friends Zoro and Sanji. ^-^ Well see ya' dudes and dudettes.

END OF CHAPTER 1
[color="SeaGreen"]@)}[/color][color="black"]~`,~[/color] Carry This Rose In Your Sig, As Thanks, To All The CAA Moderators.
98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature
Servant of: Hypersocks-the leader of extrolling hyperness! ^-^
I believe in Jesus Christ, my Savior. If you do too and are not scared to admit it, then copy and paste this in your signature.
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Postby Kunoichi » Sat May 24, 2008 3:47 pm

I couldn't read it all cuz my ADD kicks in with this....

the only suggestion i would offer is to space your dialogue and make your character names a bit different from your actual dialogue. I tend to write like this as well so the only other suggestion would be to put your actions away from your dialogue or in ( ) or something...
I am on the forefront of battle against the demons of earth. All Praise and Glory be given to God Forever and Ever!


:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
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Postby Sanji07 » Mon Jun 16, 2008 9:45 am

I sorta' get what you're saying. Can you give me an example?
[color="SeaGreen"]@)}[/color][color="black"]~`,~[/color] Carry This Rose In Your Sig, As Thanks, To All The CAA Moderators.
98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature
Servant of: Hypersocks-the leader of extrolling hyperness! ^-^
I believe in Jesus Christ, my Savior. If you do too and are not scared to admit it, then copy and paste this in your signature.
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Posts: 202
Joined: Sun Nov 04, 2007 1:22 pm
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