I'm finaly ready to tell you about my past...I am no longer afraid of judgement.
PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2005 6:45 pm
Well, I don't know where to start exactly. I guess it all started with my beginning Running start. For those who don't know, Running start is a program for Highschoolers (grades 11-12) to start college early. Things were going ok during the first quarter....but later it got to me. The hatred for everything I was going through. Eventualy my parent's got to me so much that I thought of killing them or havign something happen to them.
I don't know exactly how, but I eventualy started to turn to the dark side *yes....-_- I sound like some Star Wars side story* Whether or not you'll beleive my story is up to you. I will tell it as I can remember it happend. I started to turn away from God without realizing it. All I wanted was revenge against my parents. I sat on my bed and yelled at God a lot as well. Then one day I heard a voice speak to me. It was calm and soothing. I looked toward the direction of the voice and saw *yes I did say "saw"* a figure walkign toward me from the hallway. A good looking young boy....but I was trying to figure out what the heck he was....I knew it wasn't human. I asked who he was. He replied "lucifer". I asked him what he was doing in my room and that he had no right there. He told me that he just wanted to be my friend and help me through my life. I asked what he meant. He reminded me that everytime I had trusted God my life was difficult, and how could someone loving give me such problems. He promised that if I trusted him and gave him a chance, life would be a bit easier. He also promised me power *which...at the time didn't seem so bad*. I asked him how he could grant me these things. He smiled and told me that he was sending servants for me to rule over and who would obey me. Sounded good. I agreed.
I didn't feel much different. In fact I thought the whole thing was a dream. A few days later though I felt about three distinct presences. I could tell that they had arrived. I really didn't care much or do much with them and hid my thoughts from friends and family. No one ever knowing my siding with Lucifer. I knew that I would be bugged if anyone knew. One thing that I made perfectly clear to lucifer and the three helpers was that they were to never harm my friends and they weren't to do a thing to my parent's outside my approval. They agreed and I was happy. This went on for about a year and a half.
Then....I happened to get a PM on here from someone I didn't know at all. The PM had one question "Where's Anacortes?".....I looked at the username to see where they were from. "Swordguy....hm....doesn't say where he's from....." So I wrote back with what my mom had told me. Eventualy we started talking via AIM....but something inside of me made me hate him so much. Everytime he brought up God I'd get mad for no reason whatsoever. It didn't help when we started talking via microphone....then he kept singing praises. Oh man...I could feel anger and hatred for him constantly growing, but at the same time I didn't want to leave. I made myself stay and talk with him. Eventualy I told him the things that had gone on. You may recognize this prayer request of his....
http://www.christiananime.net/showthread.php?t=12634
yup....he was talking about me.
Also, during this time my visions increased. I've noticed now that whenever I've had some sort of spiritual struggle I've had visions that somehow tie in with what's going on. My biggest vision had Bakura....the thing is....it was actualy Lucifier disguised as Bakura. He was holding me back from the light in the middle of the storm and dragging me away from the storm. I faught him and told him to go away. I ran toward the light. After the vision I felt a bit better....but still soemthing was eating at me.
After many headaches I was able to ask Swordguy what I had wanted. "Is it possible for one to be possessed without knowing it?" We determined that yes it cou happen and I was possesed....At this time I was having a hard time keeping my bad self at bay *now Iknow how Ryou feels with Bakura. @_@*. Swordguy after much struggle with hs own need to have faith told the demon to leave me...two words MAJOR HEADACHE! It felt like an explosion in the back of my head. I felt free-er though.....
After this experience I constantly struggled with trusting God. My first major step was to finaly give in to what God wanted and get baptised *which was the first time I met Swordguy. And a little later I gave into what I head feared and broke up with my boyfriend. It was hard, but I knew that in order for both of us to grow in Christ, we couldn't stay in that relationship*.
Then just constant falling and getting up and growing after that. A few months after getting unpossessed I was tired but it was too bright so I decided to take a nap in my walk in closet. I turned the light off grabbed a blanket and pillow and attempted to sleep. Well, after a few minutes I felt a chill and then I heard an echoey voice of a little girl....then of a man....then of an old lady....then another man....then screams....then maniacal laughter. I was so scared that I quickly got up and out of that closet. A little later I went back and I felt those same three presences. I told them to leave...and they just laughed. I don't remember when they finaly left or why....but they're gone now.
Just last February I invited Swordguy to Winter camp and a few days after Winter camp we became boyfriend and girlfriend. ^_^ As I look back at everything, I see how foolish I was and how good God is to allow me to make my mistakes, but also to help me out of the holes that i had dug. I know I'm still growing, and I will always be growing. I know I have changed, and I also now feel as if God can use me the way He intended. I am glad that I am a Christian and I hope to please God in every aspect of my life. I want to follow His call. One of my fears...which I am not struggling so much with anymore....was what I knew He wanted me to do. He has called me to teach His word. My problem....I can't speak well....I get very nervous when I have to speak to a group....or make a presentation. But I know that God is there for me and will walk with me and help me.
For those of you who read through this whole thing.....I applaud you. Most don't really want to read so much. So I thank you for taking your time to read through my testimony. If you'd like to ask any questions, go ahead. I don't mind one bit. ^_^
I don't know exactly how, but I eventualy started to turn to the dark side *yes....-_- I sound like some Star Wars side story* Whether or not you'll beleive my story is up to you. I will tell it as I can remember it happend. I started to turn away from God without realizing it. All I wanted was revenge against my parents. I sat on my bed and yelled at God a lot as well. Then one day I heard a voice speak to me. It was calm and soothing. I looked toward the direction of the voice and saw *yes I did say "saw"* a figure walkign toward me from the hallway. A good looking young boy....but I was trying to figure out what the heck he was....I knew it wasn't human. I asked who he was. He replied "lucifer". I asked him what he was doing in my room and that he had no right there. He told me that he just wanted to be my friend and help me through my life. I asked what he meant. He reminded me that everytime I had trusted God my life was difficult, and how could someone loving give me such problems. He promised that if I trusted him and gave him a chance, life would be a bit easier. He also promised me power *which...at the time didn't seem so bad*. I asked him how he could grant me these things. He smiled and told me that he was sending servants for me to rule over and who would obey me. Sounded good. I agreed.
I didn't feel much different. In fact I thought the whole thing was a dream. A few days later though I felt about three distinct presences. I could tell that they had arrived. I really didn't care much or do much with them and hid my thoughts from friends and family. No one ever knowing my siding with Lucifer. I knew that I would be bugged if anyone knew. One thing that I made perfectly clear to lucifer and the three helpers was that they were to never harm my friends and they weren't to do a thing to my parent's outside my approval. They agreed and I was happy. This went on for about a year and a half.
Then....I happened to get a PM on here from someone I didn't know at all. The PM had one question "Where's Anacortes?".....I looked at the username to see where they were from. "Swordguy....hm....doesn't say where he's from....." So I wrote back with what my mom had told me. Eventualy we started talking via AIM....but something inside of me made me hate him so much. Everytime he brought up God I'd get mad for no reason whatsoever. It didn't help when we started talking via microphone....then he kept singing praises. Oh man...I could feel anger and hatred for him constantly growing, but at the same time I didn't want to leave. I made myself stay and talk with him. Eventualy I told him the things that had gone on. You may recognize this prayer request of his....
http://www.christiananime.net/showthread.php?t=12634
yup....he was talking about me.
Also, during this time my visions increased. I've noticed now that whenever I've had some sort of spiritual struggle I've had visions that somehow tie in with what's going on. My biggest vision had Bakura....the thing is....it was actualy Lucifier disguised as Bakura. He was holding me back from the light in the middle of the storm and dragging me away from the storm. I faught him and told him to go away. I ran toward the light. After the vision I felt a bit better....but still soemthing was eating at me.
After many headaches I was able to ask Swordguy what I had wanted. "Is it possible for one to be possessed without knowing it?" We determined that yes it cou happen and I was possesed....At this time I was having a hard time keeping my bad self at bay *now Iknow how Ryou feels with Bakura. @_@*. Swordguy after much struggle with hs own need to have faith told the demon to leave me...two words MAJOR HEADACHE! It felt like an explosion in the back of my head. I felt free-er though.....
After this experience I constantly struggled with trusting God. My first major step was to finaly give in to what God wanted and get baptised *which was the first time I met Swordguy. And a little later I gave into what I head feared and broke up with my boyfriend. It was hard, but I knew that in order for both of us to grow in Christ, we couldn't stay in that relationship*.
Then just constant falling and getting up and growing after that. A few months after getting unpossessed I was tired but it was too bright so I decided to take a nap in my walk in closet. I turned the light off grabbed a blanket and pillow and attempted to sleep. Well, after a few minutes I felt a chill and then I heard an echoey voice of a little girl....then of a man....then of an old lady....then another man....then screams....then maniacal laughter. I was so scared that I quickly got up and out of that closet. A little later I went back and I felt those same three presences. I told them to leave...and they just laughed. I don't remember when they finaly left or why....but they're gone now.
Just last February I invited Swordguy to Winter camp and a few days after Winter camp we became boyfriend and girlfriend. ^_^ As I look back at everything, I see how foolish I was and how good God is to allow me to make my mistakes, but also to help me out of the holes that i had dug. I know I'm still growing, and I will always be growing. I know I have changed, and I also now feel as if God can use me the way He intended. I am glad that I am a Christian and I hope to please God in every aspect of my life. I want to follow His call. One of my fears...which I am not struggling so much with anymore....was what I knew He wanted me to do. He has called me to teach His word. My problem....I can't speak well....I get very nervous when I have to speak to a group....or make a presentation. But I know that God is there for me and will walk with me and help me.
For those of you who read through this whole thing.....I applaud you. Most don't really want to read so much. So I thank you for taking your time to read through my testimony. If you'd like to ask any questions, go ahead. I don't mind one bit. ^_^
