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CAA: Christian Anime Alliance • Bleach Unlimited: Indestructible Souls (A Work in Progress...)
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Bleach Unlimited: Indestructible Souls (A Work in Progress...)

PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2009 8:31 am
by Paxdroca
Prologue:

His tower in ruins underneath the Mediterranean Sea, the Eye, now a faint light, grew with astonishing heat.
They thought him dead, gone from the World of Men, but they knew nothing of the resourcefulness of the Dark Lord Sauron.
For he was still tied to the World of Men, thanks to a faint trace of his bloodline within the arrancar and vizards that his Easterling minions had evolved into. He was returning from Oblivion, and he was back with a vengeance.
The Eye, now reforming, grew, waiting for his chance to come back and destroy all that he hated.
The Dark Lord Sauron waited.

Chapter 1: Part A:
Japan:

Ichigo Kurosaki walked with his friends as they headed to school. They were talking and laughing with jokes and quips that they made casually.
As they came to the park, an usual hunting ground for Hollows, Ichigo saw a old man, dressed in white, carrying a staff and apparently waiting for Ichigo and his friends.
"Greetings, Kurosaki Ichigo," he boomed, smiling at him and shaking hands with everyone. "I am Gandalf the White of the Istari, and I would like to talk to you all."
"About?" asked Ichigo suspiciously.
"About your upcoming roles in what events are to come," replied the old wizard calmly.
"Huh?"
Gandalf sighed. Have I chosen the wrong people? was the thought that went through his mind. He motioned to them and they went with him to a secret place to discuss the plans.

America:
The thug flew into the wall of the alley, knocked out from the overpowered punch of Noel. He looked at another with his Eye and the thug froze, apparently frozen in place. He used his Eye to lift him in the air and throw him into the other thug.
Noel walked away, spitting on the ground. As he left the alley, there was a scene of massive ownage in there as thugs were strewn across the alley floor.
He walked to his house, blinking his burning eyes. He had had those eyes since birth, and used them constantly during his rise to power in Vegas.
He was known as Indestructible Soul around the south side. Not even the Mob could stop him.
And it was all thanks to his Eye.
He scratched at his cheekbone, visible through the tight coal-black skin that surrounded his eyes. He got himself a glass of water and drained it, ready for school.
"Seriously," he said, "Isn't there anyone that can defeat me?"
<<mAYBE NOT,>> the Voice, whom Noel named Saurocai, boomed in his head that was connected to his Eye.
Will you just shut the heck up? Noel growled in his head as the Voice laughed, amused.
<<yOU NEED ME, nOEL,>> It said, Its booming voice shaking his brain cells. <<wHERE WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT THE sIGHT? iN A MASS GANG GRAVE SOMEWHERE IN THE SEWERS!
<<i AM HE WHO GIVES VOICE TO YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, nOEL. i AM HE WHO MAKES YOU INDESTRUCTIBLE WHILE FIGHTING, GIVING YOU YOUR STRENGTH AND SPEED, NOT TO MENTION YOUR POWERS THAT WILL HELP YOU IN THE YEARS TO COME.
<<i'M TRYING TO HELP you, nOEL. tHAT'S IT. nO OTHER REASON EXISTS. dO NOT BECOME LIKE sAURON, BOY.
<<yOU FEEL HIM COMING, YES? tHE TIME FOR YOU TO CHOOSE YOUR PATH IS NEAR, nOEL. i WILL SUPPORT THE DECISION THAT YOU MAKE, BUT REMEMBER, KARMA IS EVERYWHERE.>>
Noel nodded. Thank you, Saurocai, he said in his head.
<<nO PROBLEM. nOW GET TO SCHOOL! cLASSES ARE AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR DECISION, THOUGH NOT AS IMPORTANT.>>
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What do you think so far for my first fanfic?

PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 7:53 pm
by Ikimaru_Tarimi
Very good.
Just work on your article adjectives and you'll be fine.
"a" is for consonant sounds.
"an" is for vowel sounds.
example:
an usual -> a usual