CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I just want a comment. [SIZE="1"]Just one little comment[/SIZE] Please? I've posted this on two different venues and nothing so far. So...

This short story was written for the Character Sketch contest by Writers-In-Progress on DA. This is the edited version, cut down to 1000 words exactly in order to comply to contest rules.

Genre: Fantasy

*ahehehem*

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King Luxcen frowned. It was not yet midday, yet he was already irritated with everything that befell him. Chancellor Rolemy pestered him with “urgentâ€

Interesting read. Snapping back to reality after some "Fresh air" was a nice (if cruel) touch.

Well done. I loved how you developed the character of the king --and how he frolicked outside in the sun!

[SIZE="1"]Is this little enough?[/SIZE] Okay, comments. I like the story, the character is developed nicely, and the switch at the end is well executed.

If I were to suggest changing anything, it would be in the first paragraph.
[quote]It was not yet midday, yet he was already irritated with everything that befell him. Chancellor Rolemy pestered him with “urgentâ€

Thanks guys!

I'm mean to this character.

'befell' feels like the wrong tense. 'had befallen' would sound much better. But you could even just cut out 'with everything that befell him'. It will become clear to the reader why the King is irritated as they continue reading.

Thanks, I wasn't happy with that word choice either. It would screw up the word count for the contest, though, but I'll fix up the one on my harddrive.

I enjoyed this, especially the way you ended it ^^.

This is something a lot of us can relate to (well, the "wanting-to-dump-all-this-work-and-just-chill" part).

Well, I have no grammatical critiques (too weak in that stuff to give it ^^').

Good job and good luck!