CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Author's Note: I've decided to post up some of my better poetry here. Of course, that's not to say that even my best is very good. Poetry isn't my main passion, and ends up more of a half-hearted hobby than anything else. I mainly write poetry for sublimation (turning negative emotions into something productive), so most of the poems I write are angry and/or filled with just a bunch of angst. You can usually tell when I'm especially angry, because then I don't even bother to rhyme.

These first two poems go together, because the second was written on the heels of the first, and they're both about a particularly miserable part of a relationship with my friend. Both are written from my perspective. Enjoy, I guess :/

One-Way Mirror

Where were you
When I needed you?
Why couldn't you come
When I wanted you to?
Where were you
When I looked into your eyes?
Where were the tears
When we said our goodbyes?
Do you care for me?
Do you give me any trust?
I ask you these questions
Not because I hate you, but because I must
When I was lonely
You never came around
When I looked for you
You could never be found
When I needed to speak
You taped up my lips
When I tried to talk
You showed me all your tricks
Handed me a book
Showed me your smile
Told me you were sick
That you'd be back in a while
But when I waited
You didn't come back
When I gave you my heart
You caught it in a trap
"Thank you so much!"
You seemed to say
"I needed this."
Then you took it away
Now though I walk around
With a hole in my chest
You simply shrug your shoulders
And say it's for the best
Never guessing how I feel
Never asking why I smile
When I just lost my heart
When I've met the worst trial
You think you can hide
Amongst all your friends
You won't have to say sorry
You won't have to make amends
But when you put it off
When you shove it aside
Then you open the window
And I can see inside
I know I said nothing
Which is my greatest fault
I kept on walking
Though my heart came to a halt
To see you with another
Cuts me deep beneath
Your laughter is like daggers
And your smiles are gnashing teeth
You'd never guess my feelings
Because I never spoke the truth
I simply laugh and chatter
Like any other stupid youth
Yet my eyes follow you around
Whenever you leave your house
While inside I scream insults
I am quiet as a mouse
I suppose the reason why
You never seek me out
Is because you don't need me
If you lost me, you wouldn't shout
But I don't blame you
No matter what I say
For someday you will see me
I hope, and I pray
One day you'll look up
And find me looking down
You'll see my fixed smile
Turned into a sad frown
For though I love you
More than heart, more than soul
Though you drive me crazy
And swerve my anger out of control
You never noticed
You never realized
That every time I laughed
Tears hid in my eyes
I cannot catch you
That swerving black butterfly
You slip through my fingers
Every time I try
Do I seem happy
To a cursory gaze?
Do I seem to like
Mountains of praise?
I am not that
It never crossed my mind
If my eyes tell the truth
I'd rather be blind
No, that is not it
I only want one thing
I want you
To you, my friend, I cling

Leper

I'm sorry
I hurt you so much
I'm sorry
You never felt my touch
Because I pulled away
I didn't want to feel
I didn't want to mar
The dream by being real
But I was blind
How could I not see?
You were standing there
Looking at me
Did you cry out?
Was it a plea?
I didn't think it was
Because I didn't want it to be
I recoiled from your hand
I shrunk from your sight
Because I am a leper
I am covered with a blight
So beautiful, so good
So pleasing and slim
The contrast is a beech
And a hedgerow needing a trim
If I touched you
Would you go?
If I cupped you in my hand
Would it melt the snow?
I am unclean
I need to feel your skin
But I am afraid you would be harmed
By my unworthiness within
Stay away from me
And then you'll stay the same
Close your eyes, stop your ears
Try to forget my name
I'll slip out of your life
Just as I slipped in
If I don't get close to you
I won't kill you, my kin
I love you too much
To kill your lovely bloom
For if I picked you up
You would wilt all too soon
I don't want you to die
I don't want you to melt
I don't want you to feel
What I have always felt
You have so many friends
Many more than I
So please don't kill them off
Please don't let them die
I will bear the pain
And shield you from behind
I will let you see
While I myself am blind
Go on living
Without a worry or care
Just one thing I ask of you
Notice not that I am there
Then perhaps you'll be happy
And thus bring peace to me
Because, in anger, I hurt you
And, blinded, I could not see
Pardon my wrongs
Forget the hurtful past
Forgive me what I've done
And perhaps our friendship will last

wow! both of those are incredible!!!!!!!

Er...thanks Here's another. This one is about my dreams and desires.

Unspoken Wishes

Do you want to fly,
To soar up on wings
Made of paper,
Ink, and such things?
Do you want to run,
To never look
At what you left behind,
And keep your nose in a book?
Do you want to hide,
To bury your face
Because you're so solemn
That you can't win the race?
Do you want to write,
To feel the power
Flowing out in ink
From your pen every hour?
Do you want to sing,
To let it all out
In a burst of magic,
To sing instead of shout?
Do you want to dance,
To tap with your toes
And not trip and stumble,
Or fall and hit your nose?
Do you want to cast
A spell in the air,
To make toads of your fingers
And spiders of your hair?
Do you want to be
More than what you are,
To escape from the Near
And end up in the Far?
Can you do these things?
Can you be more?
Can you spread out your wings?
Can you really soar?
I wish that I could.
I wish it every day.
I wish when I'm at work.
I wish when I'm at play.
Maybe you wish it too.
Maybe you're like me.
Maybe you understand.
Maybe you see.
Are all alike?
Are all the same?
Do we all wish
What we can never name?

Author's Note: This next poem was written in one of the particularly difficult phases of my teenage rebellion, which ran pretty rampant for a year or two. I think it's settling down now, but it still flares up every now and then. This poem was spurred on by my feelings about my father.

Teenage Rebellion
My days are filled with hate
Tears that will not abate
Each day you're always late
So should I even wait?

All this time you could not see
All the things inside of me
And so I sit patiently
For what you will never be

Every time you heave a sigh
Every time you ask me why
I want to sit down and cry
Want to kill myself and die

I realize that I'm dumb
It's become my rule of thumb
That my heart beats like a drum
Whenever I hear you come

I want you to understand
Just why I make this demand
For you to take up my hand
So I can finally stand

Every time I push you away
In my heart, I want you to stay
And every time I can't convey
There's so much more I want to say



Though I am your daughter
Perhaps if I was not
I would be free from the turmoil
Of the emotions in which I'm caught

Author's Note: This is a poem that reflects something that is very dear to me: a home. I have had to move more times than I can count; the longest I've lived in the same house is four years. It hurts every time.

Home

What is a home?
A hideaway, retreat
Where you can be alone?
What is it to you?
A comfy old place
With nothing ever new?
Why do you detest?
Unsatisfactory
Another's is best?
Why does mine change?
Why does it run away
Get lost and rearranged?

A wanderer's home is everywhere
Yet when everywhere is home
Home is nowhere

I have no home, no home!
Nowhere to lay down and rest
These sad, tired bones!
I never stay
In the very same place
I hate it this way!
I need some stability
To hold my life together
I abhor mobility!

Can't you understand?!
I don't want to move!
How can I regain
All I'm going to lose?

*finally wanders in to read the two poems..* Wait, there's five now? Ack, they're multiplying like rabbits!

Leper was especially poignant because of something I've been mulling over. Got a wry smile over Teenage Rebellion, hehe, been there.
I've only moved once, and even that was a chore. For several years afterward, whenever I had a dream about being 'home' I was in the old house, not the new one. Took a long time for my subconscious to make the change.

^^' Yeah, since these poems were written ages ago, it didn't take too long to post them up. Might be a while until I post many more; we've got guests staying at our house until Saturday.

Author's Note: Decided to post another poem. Or two. These two are very hateful, and were written to get out my angry feelings so I wouldn't start yelling or beating somebody up. As I said in my first post, you can tell I'm especially angry because there's no rhyme or meter to speak of in these poems.

Warning: Reading back over these in a much better mood than when I wrote them, I've realized that these are rather disturbing and somewhat gory at times. They are very dark, and I'm not proud of feeling those feelings, but I did, and here you are.

Be Happy I Wrote A Poem

Cry for me
Bleed
Wring your hands
And cover your face
Tear out your eyes
Rip out your hair
Pull off your nails
And cut off your tongue

Scream
Shout
Sing and bleed
Curse me
The day you were born
Lick your blood
And taste the bile
Taste my hatred
Feel your own
Grope for me
Claw the air

And as your breath rattles in your throat
As you shake your fist and cannot see
Think back and remember
All you did to me


Why? Because

Why am I so fat? you want to ask
It's because I stuff my face with junk
To cure my craving inside - for you

Why am I blind?
Because I sit before the TV
Every day - to stop seeing your face before my eyes

Why can't I hear you?
Because I turn the music up so loud
So I can't hear your voice anymore

Why can't I speak?
Because I screamed so long
Till I couldn't scream again - and I still hear your voice inside my head

Why can't I walk?
Because I ran away from you

Why do I kill myself?

Why do I bleed?

Why do I urge the blood out of my veins?

It's because of you
Because you laughed
Because you left
Because you didn't understand
The things I never said
I'm tired of killing myself
So I want it to be done
Get away from me
Feel no pity
And let me die.

Author's Note: I think the rhymes I used in this are rather cliche, but I almost don't care. There's something about the comforting softness of this poem that almost demands those kinds of rhymes. This poem was inspired by the character Alphonse Elric from the anime Full Metal Alchemist, but this is not necessarily a fan poem. One last note: there are two different speakers in this poem, one for each stanza.

Lullaby

Sing me a lullaby
To make my spirits fly
Away up in the sky
And send me off to sleep
To where I will not weep
And in the night I'll keep
The mem'ry of your song
It lulls me all night long
Wrapped in your arms so strong
I do not need to fear
With you so very near
It all becomes so clear
I never ask you why
But in the night you cry
And sing this lullaby

I sing this lullaby
So you will never cry
But even though I try
You shed so many tears
Your sorrows, joys, and fears
Potent emotion dear
You try to sing along
But the notes come out wrong
Giving up on the song
You tiptoe off to sleep
A dark and dreamless deep
And through the night I'll keep
Your spirits sailing high
Your body high and dry
Singing my lullaby

Author's Note: I was watching the movie The Last Unicorn, and I was comforting myself with the thought that the next time I go to the beach, I'll be able to see the unicorns in the surf. But then I was struck by another, sobering thought: I cannot. I am unable to see unicorns, or fairies, or any multitude of magical beasts. I've tried, I've pretended, but "reality" smacks me in the face every time. I want to have the child-like belief in fairies that I never ever had, not even when I was a child myself. But how can I get it?

Can you see them?
The unicorns in the surf
The fairies in the flowers
The gnomes in the earth
Can you hear them?
Singing out their songs
Asking you to come
And dance and sing along
Can you smell them?
A tickle in your nose
Like a thousand tiny spices
Laced with the scent of rose
Can you feel them?
A breath in the breeze
A brush against your hand
Like the rustling of the trees

I cannot see them
Cannot hear, cannot smell
I cannot feel them
Or if I can, I cannot tell
But I want to see them
Oh, how very much!
I want to hear their voices
Reach out and feel their touch
I know not how to do so
I do not know a way
I have no magic to call them
No incantations to say
But if you can see them
If you are not like me
Then tell me what to do
That I also may see!

Perhaps, were you to bind
A cloth about my eyes
My perception would change
And, to my surprise
I would see all the things
I could not see before
I would see all the magic
And I would mourn no more

Author's Note: This poem was inspired by Vic Mignogna's song "Je N'ai Pas De Mots (I Don't Have Any Words)." I love the message in that song and music video; I think many people can relate to that. This poem is for all my loved ones: family and friends alike. I have no boyfriend, so this was not intended to be romantic, though it can certainly be read that way. All of my family, and the friends I've made in "real life" and on the internet, are all very special to me, so special that I can't find the words to express it.

No Words

I sit down at my desk
Pick up my favorite pen
Take a piece of paper
Settle back, and then
I find myself at a loss
Over the words I should say
I stare at the blank
Bit of paper all day
Wondering how
I could ever tell
You what's in my heart
And how I can spell
All that burns
Deep down inside
All the things
That I've never tried
To tell you before
To let you know
To ask you to stay
And never let me go
But how could I find
(Though I searched the whole earth)
The proper words to say
Just how much you're worth?
You are all I am
The beginning and the end
You mean everything to me
On you alone I'll depend
But every time
I try to tell you, my dear
The words I thought I'd say
They up and disappear
I think I'll never find
The one word to convey
The way you take my breath
Till I have no words to say

Your poems are great! I particularly liked the one about the unicorns in the surf, I really liked the following lines:

I know not how to do so
I do not know a way
I have no magic to call them
No incantations to say

They're kinda sad, which contrasts the end nicely.

"Be Happy I Wrote A Poem" is a bit rough, but I really like the title, it's very clever.
"breath rattles in your throat" Nice image

Keep it up!

Wow, thanks! I didn't think anyone was reading these. (So why did I keep on updating, you ask? Because I'm dumb like that.) Thanks for the comments; I appreciate them!

Oh wow I like most of these ^-^ You and I are a like in the fact that we take negive emotions and write them out. I think it's good to vent like this.

Thanks! Yeah, I'm glad I can vent emotions rather than let them tear me up or cause me to do someone permanent damage.

Author's Note: This is a poem originally inspired by Kaoru and Kenshin from the anime Rurouni Kenshin (though it's not so specific that it necessarily has to be those characters). I was especially inspired by the two-episode OVA "Samurai X: Reflection," in which Kenshin reveals to Kaoru that he once loved another woman, and that he still thinks about her, but he does truly love Kaoru. I wasn't necessarily planning on writing this, but the rhymes just came so I decided to go with it. The title of the poem comes from Kenshin's name, which comes from the words meaning "sword" and "heart."

The Heart of the Sword

I have helped you through all your fears
I have been there to dry your tears
I have been here through all these years
But do you really love me?

I have eased your pain with a song
I have urged you, made you be strong
I have been your friend for so long
But do you really love me?

I gave you my hand so you would not drown
I gave you my smile so you would not frown
I gave you my heart to never lay down
But do you really love me?

I did not let you fall to gloom and despair
No matter where you were, I was always there
I said that I would follow you anywhere
But do you really love me?

You say you love me
Is it really true?
If I asked you now
Would you say "I do"?
You say there was another
You say that now she's gone
But I know if she came back
You'd leave me by the dawn
So how can you say
That I am the one?
Why don't you tell me
You and I are done?
Come on now, say it!
Say it to my face
You never loved me
I can be replaced
I wish that you would stop
Stop all your pretending
You don't really love me
I can feel it ending

But then I hear you say...


Thank you for all you've done
Thank you for being my only one
Thank you for protecting and upholding me
Thank you for caring and enfolding me
Thank you for following me everywhere
No matter where I was, you were always there
Thank you for lighting my way like a star
Thank you for being who you are
I know for sure I would be naught
If in your heart I was not caught
Nothing I do could repay
Nothing I said would ever say
How you bring meaning to all I do
How I will always, always love you

Author's Note: This poem is about what every author of fiction inevitably feels, I think. Does one really invent these characters, or did they already exist in some plane of not-quite-reality? Did they already live, or did they only take on a life after one created it? Is the author really in control? The original inspiration for this poem came from a momentary spurt of irritation, in which I thought, "Sometimes I think no one understands." I suppose I was in a poetic mood, because I then carried on with, "Just what it's like to look down at these hands...." I went on from there.

I Am A Goddess

Sometimes I think no one understands
Just what it's like to look down at these hands
And know that they have spilt blood over so many pages
That I have lived for years, even ages
That I am a murderer and much more besides
That I have turned the tables, changed the tides

I am a goddess, yet I am nothing

The name I use is not my own
I traverse the world, yet have no home
And while I ensure they all have someone
I am left with no one - NO ONE!!
If I am a goddess, then I am lonely
Fallen and marred, for I am the only
One who can change the whole world around
Who can touch the stars yet kiss the ground

I am a goddess, yet I am a wretch

They live their lives, and I write it down
They say they're a king, and I give them a crown
I cannot make them laugh if they want to cry
I cannot force them to live if they must die
I am their siphon, their vessel, their tool
And though I am praised for my skill, I feel a fool
For taking on the form of a goddess divine
When all I can do is complain and whine

I am the author, yet I am the slave

I am the Creator, the Beginning, the End
With a touch of my hand, the whole world will bend
They will fall to their knees and worship me
The one who gave them life, made them be
And while I complete my blasphemy
I simply wish I was not so lonely

I am a goddess...aren't I?

Author's Note: One night, I was bored and picked up Hailstones and Halibut Bones by Mary O'Neill, which is a book of poems about colors. And I was appalled, because none of the poems seemed to say what I feel about those colors. So, to remedy that, I decided to write this series of poems about colors. All of these are really what I think about the colors; I didn't just make things up as they came along. I may write some more poems for other colors (black, white, grey, brown...), but for now I decided just to do the colors of the rainbow. The mood music I used for this was Vivaldi's Four Seasons.

Red

If red was happy
Fierce, hot, is what it would be
The kind it's impossible to hide
So big you can't hold it inside
You just have to let it out
Whether with a laugh or a joy-filled shout

If red was angry
Hate, hate, is what it would be
The kind that twists you into a knot
And never lets you out as soon as you're caught
No burning out, no letting go
On a rampage, never slow

If red was love from me
Passion, lust, is what it would be
The kind that burns hot like a fire
An unending, continual desire
It will consume you if you let it
And shame your years so you'll never forget it

If red was sad as could be
Guilty, self-loathing, is what it would be
Wanting to die, but not daring
Wishing to forget, instead caring
Too much to leave it all behind
With red, I will lose my mind

If red was a sound
It would be an explosion underground
Blood pumping through every muscle
The grunts and scuffles of a friendly tussle
Red is a snarl, and red is a call
When you don't want anyone near at all

If red was a smell
It would be a pungent one, that I can tell
Sharp and prickly, overpowering
Pushing others aside, devouring
My senses will awaken
If a whiff of red I've taken

Orange

If orange was happy
Quite boisterous is what it would be
The kind that laughs at itself
Winking mischievously like an elf
Dancing till you're hot and sweaty
If you're vigorous, you're orange already

If orange was angry
Hurt, indignant, is what it would be
The kind that protests rather loudly
And draws itself up rather proudly
Orange will protest if confronted
For orange is apt to feel unwanted

If orange was love from me
Awkward, reluctant, is what it would be
Not wanting to admit it, unable to deny
Trying to evade, but not wishing to lie
Orange will hug you if it must
But only once it's sure it's gained your trust

If orange was sad as could be
Confused, frustrated, is what it would be
The kind that is sad but then sort of not
And ends up being happier than it thought
I would not want to be in orange's shoes if I were you
For if I was sad, I wouldn't know what to do

If orange was a sound
It would be a pumpkin rising from the ground
Excitement, a longing to fight
Desire to light up the night
Orange is vivid, lively, intense
But if you try to understand it, it won't make sense

If orange was a smell
It would be spicy, that I can tell
Like pumpkin bread or pumpkin pie
It's nice and hot, but not too dry
It makes me feel all warm inside
When in orange's embrace I hide

Author's Note: So, I just realized that I haven't put up anything for about a month, and I figured I'd probably better at least finish my Colors series. So, here's the next one.

Yellow

If yellow was happy
Cheerful, excited, is what it would be
The kind that makes you jump up and down
And puts a smile in place of your frown
Yellow makes you want to smile and grin
If you let the tiniest bit get in

If yellow was angry
Sharp, searing, is what it would be
The kind that makes you start with surprise
When you see it spark from someone's eyes
Shooting out like a bolt of lightning
It's soon gone, but still frightening

If yellow was love from me
Bubbly, overflowing, is what it would be
The kind where you hug everyone around
Sometimes even knocking them to the ground
Yellow makes you want to burst
But it's just the thing if for love you thirst

If yellow was sad as could be
I'm not sure what it would be
For yellow is a very happy color
So if you want sad, you'll have to look for another
(Though there's a mustard shade more like brown
That sort of makes me feel down)

If yellow was a sound
It would be the sunlight hitting the ground
A laugh that makes you tip back your head
Or maybe the sound of a tickle instead
Yellow is the hum and buzz of a bee
And the leaves that rustle in a tree

If yellow was a smell
It wouldn't be heavy, that I can tell
The smell of sugar laced with lemonade
Or warm concrete where children played
It's the faint smell of a flower
And if time was yellow, it would smell like an hour

Green

If green was happy
Content, satisfied, is what it would be
The kind that makes you feel protected
Soft but strong; you've been accepted
Green makes you want to smile
Maybe just stop and rest a while

If green was angry
Guilty, bitter, is what it would be
Angry at me and angry at you
And so befuddled I don't know what to do
It makes me want to cry
Because angry green wants me to die

If green was love from me
The perfect love is what it would be
The kind where you give up all your soul
To those dear ones who make you whole
Unconditional, self-sacrificing, pure
Overwhelmed with feeling, yet demure

If green was sad as could be
Somber, subdued, is what it would be
The kind where you want to be alone
Where you lock the door, unplug the phone
You're sad, but don't feel like crying
Depressed, but not yet dying

If green was a sound
It would be a tree coming up from the ground
The beauty of a thousand violins
The sound of a hundred forest winds
Green is the sound of comfort and release
Of a rare, unattainable peace

If green was a smell
It would be wholesome, I can tell
The smell of pine needles and of mint
And of old books and newly-washed lint
Every memory has the scent of green
So green is a color that is always clean

Blue

If blue was happy
Pleasant, smiling, is what it would be
The kind where you feel content
Once all your energy is spent
And you get to sit down and rest
With happy blue you are blessed

If blue was angry
Stormy, pent-up, is what it would be
The kind where all your insides rage
Where you want to break a plate, tear a page
Instead you force it all down
The only sign a scowling frown

If blue was love from me
Quiet, submissive, is what it would be
Respectful, stooping low
I'll go wherever you will go
But blue is strong, just the same
Blue will hold you, gently call your name

If blue was sad as could be
Disconsolate, suicidal, is what it would be
The kind that leads to utter despair
That won't leave you anywhere
I want to lie down and die
For blue are the tears I cry

If blue was a sound
It would be a spring welling up from the ground
The sound of the sea, the sound of brooks
Happy conversation, a library filled with books
The sound of children drifting off to sleep
The sound of the sparkling tears I weep

If blue was a smell
It would be clear and fresh, I can tell
Cologne and a bit of dew
A cool morning – and the evening, too
Blue is the water when I take a shower
Blue is when I put my nose in a flower

Author's Note: This is (finally) the last of the Color series. Is anybody reading this, or should I just slink away into oblivion? (Poetry-wise, of course.)

Purple

If purple was happy
Cheerfully sarcastic is what it would be
The kind where your mouth twists into a smile
As you laugh and shake your head in denial
Saying you're not happy, but knowing deep down inside
There is a joy you can never hide

If purple was angry
Indignant yet subdued is what it would be
The kind where you're angry but know you should not
Be more twisted and vengeful than even you thought
When purple is angry it's all a big mess
But it's even worse when in purple I confess

If purple was love from me
Constant yet everchanging is what it would be
Intensity changing, never
Complexity developing, forever
Purple is the love that will never go away
Even if you scrub, still I will stay

If purple was sad as could be
Like blue, like red, it would be
I hate myself, but I can't stand
To move this knife that's in my hand
Purple is hopeless when it's sad
It needs you to come here and make it glad

If purple was a sound
It would be that of the lost being found
On a paper, the scratch of a pen
And sometimes, purple is when
You fall asleep and you dream
Of sounds that are not what they seem

If purple was a smell
It would be fragrant, that I can tell
The smell of blueberry pies
And of makeup for your eyes
Purple is warm, yet at the same time cold
Purple is a strange smell, or so I am told

Sorry, I'm honestly not very good at reading/keeping up with poetry. Especially on this site where there are so many other 'distractions'. Still, you might have better luck at coaxing me to read some by posting it in a *cough* certain new location. *cough*

Cough drop, Eso?

My impression was that it was mainly for prose, so I didn't think of posting it there. Maybe we should make a subdivision for poetry?